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AIBU?

To feel a bit sad, DP having the snip

10 replies

PotterBot · 28/04/2016 08:43

Dp is having the snip today. We don't have children together but we do have them separately. I'm gutted to be honest. I utterly fucked up with the dads of my children and dp is a wonderful dad and I'm really a bit sad that now we won't have any children together.

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Ifailed · 28/04/2016 08:45

his body, his choice.

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AnchorDownDeepBreath · 28/04/2016 08:45

Have you talked to him about this? Does he know when you stand?

It's a big, pretty permanent move. I was under the impression the doctor wouldn't do it unless you're sure your family is complete. If he is that sure, it seems your poles apart on a pretty important issue.

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PotterBot · 28/04/2016 08:47

The reality is that we really cannot afford another child we have 5 between us. He is a bit older than me. I know deep down I don't want another child, it just makes me feel sad that is so final.

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redcaryellowcar · 28/04/2016 08:49

I realise this may not be helpful but speaking as a child of divorced parents neither of whom went on to have more children with their new partners/ spouses, I do think as 'first' children you are sidelined less. I saw my cousins have a sibling from my aunts second husband and the newer sibling was and still is (as an adult) always favoured. You might find its actually better in the long term for family dynamics?

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AlleyCatandRastaMouse · 28/04/2016 08:50

He can be the wonderful father figure that your children did not get from their own father. Can I ask why you feel it would be important to have children together? You obviously have a strong, stable relationship and you already have children separately do you feel something is missing? I personally think it is the couple that make a relationship and yours is obviously working well.

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PotterBot · 28/04/2016 08:51

Yes both my exes have gone onto have other children so has dps ex. The kids feel pushed out already. It's a lot of stress I have a Dd with some additional needs so it would be the last thing we need. Plus the baby would have to live under the stairs Harry Potter style as we are at full capacity as it is.

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PotterBot · 28/04/2016 08:54

I feel like I have failed my children. I know it sounds dramatic but I have failed with their fathers. I know families come in different shapes and sizes but I think I always longed for a bit of normality where you have a child and their father is on the scene and stays on the scene. None of my children have experienced being bought up in a house with a mum and a dad.

I guess if we had met 10 years ago it would be a different story.

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AlleyCatandRastaMouse · 28/04/2016 08:56

Aw Potter it sounds like from a rational/logical point of view you are already there. Everybody comes to the realisation at a certain point that babies won't be happening and it is always filled with mixed emotion. I was relieved because we had our hands full with 3 but still sad.

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bewarethewalkers · 28/04/2016 09:00

I was the same when my DH had the snip. We have 2 DC and in an ideal world we would have had 3 but we couldn't afford to. I think it's natural to mourn the end of the childbearing part of your life. It sounds as though you are making the best decision for your existing children which is what a good parent does