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To want a poo in peace?

(26 Posts)
Ledkr Wed 27-Apr-16 20:12:03

Three fucking toilets in this house and I still cannot get a bit if peace.
For whatever reason DH suddenly remembers important stuff to do outside the door of any toilet I am using. I asked him seriousky if he has a fetish grin
No matter where I go he will be lurking about outside.
So tonight he's in the bath so I thought I'd use the downstairs loo, I have horrendous belly ache so was a bit -ahem- farty, low and behold dd decides she must sit at the kitchen table in silence drinking tea commenting "ugh, mum, gross" shock I'm bloody fed up with it.
AIBU to want a peaceful crap?

Ledkr Wed 27-Apr-16 20:13:52

And DD never ever drinks tea at the table, she must take all beverages up to her bedroom to add to the collection.

EatShitDerek Wed 27-Apr-16 20:15:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

celeste83 Wed 27-Apr-16 20:18:04

Turn the tap on so it cancels out a bit of the noize?

ipswichwitch Wed 27-Apr-16 20:19:51

I long for the day when my bowel habits cease to be an endless source of fascination for my two DC hmm They are only 2 and 4, but I would like to just have a shit in peace without one of them setting up camp outside the toilet door and regaling me with endless chatter about Spider-Man, Mr Tumble and who took the last biscuit. I would be even happier if they stopped announcing at the top of their voices in public toilets that "mummy is having a poo!", "Mummy pumped", "mummy's bum smells!" and so on.

OneflewovertheOstrich Wed 27-Apr-16 20:20:21

Buy a radio for the toilet .

I put ours on loud when I am on there. Cancels all noise including the muuuuum cries.

UterusUterusGhali Wed 27-Apr-16 20:23:33

Not gonna happen.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. sad

My dc can unlock the loo doors from outside now and just barge in. hmm

I must say, a horrendous crohns flare a few years ago has left the eldest knowing they Must Not Disturb Mummy, lest I come crawling and sobbing to the door.

Is that worth a try? grin

UterusUterusGhali Wed 27-Apr-16 20:25:09

Oh god, ipswich, the "are you having a poo or a wee?" Question, that is apparently IMPERATIVE!

Ledkr Wed 27-Apr-16 20:30:57

Particularly in a public loo "are you having a pooh mummy"

To be fair my 5 year old is the best of all of them, she is very disinterested in my bowel habits.

Ledkr Wed 27-Apr-16 20:32:36

dd cab leave her dirty knickers on the landing but I cant fart in a toilet ffs

Disabrie22 Wed 27-Apr-16 20:35:34

Ha ha ha - mine don't like to be in a room on their own so are always in the toilet with me. The downstairs loo is so small we are practically nose to nose. My husbands the same - suddenly wants to talk finance or have an argument while I'm doing a poo - drives me mad!

Disabrie22 Wed 27-Apr-16 20:35:50

I don't get to wee in peace either

Ledkr Wed 27-Apr-16 20:40:12

I'm just going in for a try in the en suite loo! Wish me luck, I'll report back soon

buckingfrolicks Wed 27-Apr-16 20:46:44

One of life's joys is a crap in peace. I feel for you

Cathpot Wed 27-Apr-16 20:47:43

I've posted this before but my toilet low was DD1 aged about 3 following me into the loo , rummaging in the bath toy box and bringing out the waterproof xylophone. Then she turns to me and says- mummy are you having a wee or a poo?

I reluctantly concede I'm planning a poo.

Good, she says. I've got a new game, every time I hear a plop I'll play a note.

There is a pause while I assess my life. The she plings the xylophone impatiently and says

Come on mummy- I'm waaaaaiiittting.

startingtolooklikemother Wed 27-Apr-16 20:56:39

Most luxurious item in my house is a recently fitted lock on the downstairs loo that can only be opened from the inside. DS very interested in toilet habits and not only asks if it's a wee or a poo but also wanted to look at it hmm

DorotheaHomeAlone Wed 27-Apr-16 20:58:49

Cathpot I should not have read your comment so soon after having a c-section. I don't have the abs for giggling right now! grin

UterusUterusGhali Wed 27-Apr-16 21:06:43

cathpot oh that is brilliant!

Like a Yoko Ono conception album.



Du dong.

ipswichwitch Wed 27-Apr-16 21:11:58

grin Cathpot that's great! Accompanying music would probably make a pleasant change from "mummy are you having a poo?", "Are you having one poo, or two poos, or three poos.......", "have you had a wee yet?", "can I have a look?" and the best yet (in a public toilet obviously) "do you need me to help wipe your bum mummy?" The lady in the next cubicle practically suffocated trying to stop herself laughing.

Ledkr Wed 27-Apr-16 21:19:23

cath that's hilarious.
I just managed a few minutes in the en suite, WOOP WOOP!

MingZillas Wed 27-Apr-16 21:22:31

grin x grin at this thread!

Ledkr Wed 27-Apr-16 21:31:16

It's no laughing matter ming I need peace abd quiet to perform 😳

MingZillas Wed 27-Apr-16 21:36:43

Snigger. I'm a bit like that too actually!

I've got all this to come with my dd.

YellowShockedFace Wed 27-Apr-16 21:42:39

If mine don't come in with me they wait outside and give me a round of applause when I come out. confused

paddypants13 Wed 27-Apr-16 22:53:41

I have to sprint to the bathroom to do either a poo or a wee in private.

I usually get a well done mummy when I'm done. I also get detailed instruction on how much toilet paper I may use. "That's too much mummy."

I can no longer shower in peace either and now get instructions on how much shampoo etc I may use. I also get "why is your bum hairy mummy?" In reference to my <ahem> lady garden. Dd also takes great delight in unlocking toilet doors ( both in public and at home) and exiting leaving me exposed mid performance. blush

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