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Aibu... To change me ds school. On here for traffic

(65 Posts)
Pocketrocket31 Wed 27-Apr-16 19:59:32

It's a long 1 sorry, but don't want to drip feed and really need some opinions/advice for meeting with chair of governors tomorrow

Son had autism, has been at this school for 18 mths following a move. He's in year 4. There have been many issues and trips to head teacher in the past school year, incidentally year 3 was great. almost with out fault. But I want to concentrate on the bullying.

Ds has asthma and in winter has a scarf/snud on to help. A boy and 3 of the boys from the year above started to bully him. Pretty low level at first, telling him he wasn't gangsta enough for a snud... Then started calling him spaz, retarded midget... Pushing and shoving. They had a warning. Then they all physically attacket him and strangled him with said snud/scarfs.

Written reports ect ect, head teacher told me and my son in a meeting that the boy (main boy) was on his last warning. His parents were being called in. She promised it would never happen again or he'd be excluded "we don't have nasty children in our school"

He kept his distance, odd name calling. Fast forward 4mths

My ds and 3 of his friends were playing on the field when the other boy and his same friends from the last incident came. Called him a retarded midget, penned him in and started to assault him. Kicking. Punching. Kicking him in privates. Chucking him to floor, braking his glasses. 2 of them holding him whilst the others tucked his legs behind his head (folded him up) kicked him down a hill. Chased him down and assaulted him again when he tried to escape. 1 girl tried to stop all this happening and got a bang to head. Finally a older boy stopped this and took him to a dinner lady. (My son says this went on for over 10 minutes)

My son had to stand with dinner lady until the end of play time.

I'm not 100% sure what happened in the next two hours.

But I was at school for a Sen meeting that finished at 2.30. I asked the receptionist if I could take my ds home half hour early as I was already there. She rang down to his classroom and she relayed a message "there has been a incident at lunch time, if you want Mrs (Dp head teacher) to investigate it today he'll have to stay.

Whilst I was outside my ds had to give a statement, then sit in a room with all these boys. Was made to say sorry confused

So I sat out side in the car... Picked ds up as normal but a girl came over to me and said my ds had been beaten up. The head had left so I said I'd be in to see her the next day. A voice mail came through a little later, but thy had been left when I was parked outside school, saying they'd been playing ruff, boys will be boys ect ect.

All night my son is drip feeding me info on the attack, 2 other parents of children who's seen it called me to check ds was ok.

Son went on school trip Tuesday, I went to see dep head, she said, she'd forgotten it had happened before, she can't keep track of everything she has 100s of these conversations with parents. She needs to look at paperwork. She was treating it as a 1 of, I said my son wouldn't be in school until this boy had been excluded.

So today, I've spoke to the mp, who has spoken to the chair of governors who called me & we're having a meeting at 3 tomorrow. What shall I expect?

My sons class teacher has also called me today, asking if I'll bring ds tomorrow as having a exciting day, also slipping in there that I'm overprotective, that other boy wouldn't do this that and the other for no reason, 2 sides to every story ect.. that ds would be safe at school

Opinions, advice welcome and needed

RandomMess Wed 27-Apr-16 20:14:10


I am appalled that the school isn't taking it more seriously when there are independent witnesses so to speak. They are showing themselves as incompetent.

I would be considering moving schools dependent on the outcome of what happens.

Pocketrocket31 Wed 27-Apr-16 20:17:50

I am considering it, but feel this is a double edge sword kind of situation. If they don't deal with it and I move him schools he's got to do the whole finding friends, feeling comfortable thing all over again. He finds the social side of school very difficult sad it's almost like he'll be punished

AngelBlue12 Wed 27-Apr-16 20:19:29

There is no way I would be sending my children back to the school. You are not being overprotective you are looking after the well being of your child. If an adult had done those things to a child then SS would step in.

EssexMummy1234 Wed 27-Apr-16 20:21:54

I would definitely change schools, or even home school it sounds like his teacher is minimising things and I would be worried about injuries - it must have looked pretty bad for other parents to be calling you.

Yes he has to make friends at a new school but its a fresh start.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Wed 27-Apr-16 20:27:28

If some of the attacking boys are in Y5 then they will be either 9 or 10. If 10 then over the age of criminal responsibility. Ie they can be prosecuted. Tell the school they have 24 hours to sort it or you will to the police.

FanSpamTastic Wed 27-Apr-16 20:28:25

Before your meeting with the governor's you need to review the schools policy re bullying. It should be on their website. In there it should say how serious incidents will be dealt with. You then need to list out on how many counts the school has failed to follow its own policy.

I generally agree with a policy that seeks to address the behaviour rather than blame the child. But this goes out the window where extreme physical violence is concerned. Your child has a right to feel safe at school.

You then need to think about what you want the outcome to be? Keeping your son off school is detrimental to his education. Equally why should he be kept in at breaks to keep him safe? Those making him feel unsafe should be the ones not at school or being kept in. Permanent exclusion is extremely unlikely as an outcome but a temporary suspension would send the message that this behaviour will not be tolerated. It will also stay on file as this child moves through the system.

Pocketrocket31 Wed 27-Apr-16 20:33:32

Thanks for the advice so far, I have already looked at the bullying policy.
I have taken photos of bruises.
I forgot to add I did say to the dep head in meeting yesterday I feel like I should be calling the police. Tbh I haven't splept. Can't concentrate and don't know where my heads at. The school is part of a federation. When the chair of governors called me he said something :/ along the lines of "he can't be kept of school, how would you feel about him coming to the other school while this situation is getting resolved"

Pocketrocket31 Wed 27-Apr-16 20:34:41

Do you honk a suspension is what I just be aiming for then? Is so the main boy or all boys involved?

CwtchesAndCuddles Wed 27-Apr-16 20:35:44

Have sent a pm

Disabrie22 Wed 27-Apr-16 20:40:39

based on comments made to you by the staff I would contact local authority and see what spaces are available in other schools - in the mean time I would go in and be very assertive.

Pocketrocket31 Wed 27-Apr-16 20:42:37

Honk a suspension hmm think*

I have called 2 schools close by today (not in the federation) and they do have places

RandomMess Wed 27-Apr-16 20:46:05

Your focus is what they are going to do for your DS - he has the right to an education without being bullied and whilst there he is in their care and they have been negligent in protecting him.

What happens to the offenders isn't your concern, how are they going to ensure that not so much as a hair on your DS head is not going to be harmed after they have let him down so badly and not acted appropriately after he has been physically assaulted in their care.

wheresthel1ght Wed 27-Apr-16 21:00:03

Wow I cannot believe the school! The deputy head is a real piece of work!!

Firstly I would be involving the police. This is assault and no one at the school seems to be addressing that!

Yea moving him schools could be seen as punishment for him but personally I couldn't trust a school who has ignored 2 serious instances of assault.

I should think the governors will want to discuss each event so I would make sure you write down as much as you can about each time so you have details.

They are meant to be impartial but prepare yourself for the fact they will be on the school's side and looking for ways to "make it go away"

Good luck!

Pocketrocket31 Wed 27-Apr-16 21:01:42

I sort of feel like it is my concern, as both the head and dep head promised me and my son he would be excluded if it happened again. I also feel like as they also told this boy of consequences if this was to happen again they should action it

Pocketrocket31 Wed 27-Apr-16 21:03:33

Thanks, I have it all written down

Yes I do feel like that, the school has failed him massively before too, resulting in a member of staff being sacked

wheresthel1ght Wed 27-Apr-16 21:11:32

By not following up on their threat to exclude the ring leader they have basically said "it's ok, go right ahead and carry on beating the shit out of X"

I can sympathise massively with your son, I was subjected to the same behaviour although at high school for me. I ended up begging my parents to move me to a different school and it actually took me getting so fed up I knocked one the girls out and got suspended before my parents really took the school to task. In all the times I had been hit, kicked, hair ripped out, punched they never once suspended the group of girls responsible but the second I hit back I was threatened with permanent exclusion and the police.

Talk to your son before the meeting. Find out how he feels because in my experience you may find that moving him is the only choice.

Pocketrocket31 Wed 27-Apr-16 21:17:07

Thanks, we did have a big talk last night and he was sobbing that he didn't want to go back whilst that boy was there, but doesn't want a new school either cos he loves his friends sad catch 22... But I think a new school is probably going to be the answer here

whatdoIget Wed 27-Apr-16 21:21:26

Your poor boy! I would definitely report to the police if any of them are over 10.

wheresthel1ght Wed 27-Apr-16 21:21:48

Then make sure that you include that in your pitch to the chair of governors. Repeat the mantra "why should ds be punished for your refusal to follow through on promises"

Make them hear you that this is assault. You are not going away, you will not be quiet.

And if they still refuse to acknowledge then there is always Ofsted and the local press.

missymayhemsmum Wed 27-Apr-16 21:30:14

This was a disability hate crime and assault. Make it clear to the school that you will be reporting it to the police as such and that it will be the assailants who will move school, not your ds. Apart from anything else, there was inadequate supervision if this could happen without an adult seeing it and stepping in.
Ask to see the incident report, and point out to them that they have failed to implement their anti-bullying policy and their equalities policy, and failed in their duty to ensure your son's safety, particularly given that there have been previous incidents. Point out to the CoG that nothing seems to have changed since the negligent member of staff was sacked, maybe the Dep head should follow. Ask to also see the safeguarding governor.

CodyKing Wed 27-Apr-16 21:32:58

Do you have a copy of the complaints procedure - it's a parent manual on expectations - the least you should expect -

If you sent DV back straight away - record wise it looks like you aren't the serious -

You need a list

What are you doing to keep DC safe

Keep it to DC feels - scared threatened unhappy - whatever

Don't make it anything but about DC point of view

You can mention the promise - but that's all - maybe other boys parents know their rights - and the cost to the school

AdjustableWench Wed 27-Apr-16 21:33:43

Can't offer any real advice as I have no experience of this, but wanted to say if it were me I'd keep my son off school until I was entirely sure he would be safe. I'd be very disappointed in the deputy head and class teacher's lack of concern. And I'd probably also be talking to the police.

I do hope you get everything sorted out to your satisfaction as soon as possible. Your poor son. It's very good, though, that he has you.

FartyMcFartpants Wed 27-Apr-16 21:38:51

Second reporting to police as disability hate crime. The school should not brush this under the carpet.

Pocketrocket31 Wed 27-Apr-16 21:45:05

I think I will, I will double check on there ages tomorrow.
I have been to ofsted before also, but not local press. I will look in to that,
I haven't sent him back, and have said I won't until/if this gets sorted, it's all just so awful for him sad

Thanks, I keep telling him I've got his back & im going to make sure this doesn't happen again, he seems shell shocked by the whole thing, my poor boy! He wouldn't hurt a fly sad

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