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to think i'm being catfished?

(59 Posts)
dandydesmond Wed 27-Apr-16 13:14:52

Have been trying online dating recently - its a first for me so naturally I'm a bit suspicious of anything that goes on there.

I've been talking to someone who seems very nice, we seem to have a lot in common and conversation has been flowing better than expected. After a week or so of messages, he asked me out for a drink on a Sunday afternoon. I agreed and we arranged both time and (public) place. However, 3 hours before the allocated meeting time, he texted to cancel, saying that his dad had been in a car crash and he had to shoot home. I didn't have any reason to be suspicious so I said I hoped he was ok and of course we could reschedule etc. All fine.

I then got radio silence for 2 days. After that 2 days he sent a text saying he was sorry for not messaging but that he hides away from the world when he's stressed. By this point I had done the usual 21st century thing and looked him up online and found his twitter account. Apparently hiding away doesn't extend to tweeting about football while his dad was apparently in hospital...

He didn't mention meeting up again for a few days - I did once and his response was something wishy-washy like "yes, we need to rearrange that at some point". I was a bit lukewarm by this point but it seemed a shame to waste what had been some effort in the texting etc so when he finally did ask to reschedule the drink I said yes and its arranged for bank holiday Monday (apparently he's busy until then). However, I suggested that we call or Skype before meeting as I was starting to wonder what was going on. he said that was totally fine and he'd call me. That was on Sunday. He had a load of excuses as to why he didn't call on Sunday and promised to call on Monday. He didn't call on Monday and said it was because he'd fallen asleep. Yesterday, he told me he was working late would definitely call me at around 10. He text me at 9 to say he was leaving work and lived just 10 mins away so would call me once he'd eaten. No texts or calls at all after that. I called him at 10.30 and it just rang out.

After that I left it. This morning I got a text saying "sorry, I was so tired I just fell asleep - didn't even have dinner". I told him the whole thing is fishy and I am now suspicious of whether he is actually who he says he is. He's adamant (by text) that he will call tonight, but I'm dubious.

AIBU to be suspicious? he appears to be an actual person. He has a twitter account and it matches his pictures etc. He also has facebook, though I don't want to add someone I haven't met. Its the phonecall issues and shock cancellation that I struggle with.

Sallygoroundthemoon Wed 27-Apr-16 13:18:35

He might or might not be who he says he is but it does sound like he is not that interested I'm afraid. I'd move on.

Pyjamaface Wed 27-Apr-16 13:18:42

Just sack him off. All the pissing around and stupid excuses and you haven't even met him yet.

Bin and move on

x2boys Wed 27-Apr-16 13:19:15

I have watched loads of catfish episodes so I can understand why you might be suspicious let tonight if he doesn't call it a day ?

NewNameNotTheSame Wed 27-Apr-16 13:20:06

Too many broken promises and excuses before you've even spoken on the phone. Move on. He's set the bar and its pretty bloody low. Catfish or not he sounds ridiculous.

LindorBunny Wed 27-Apr-16 13:20:10

Bin him. Life's too short to be messed around by the likes of him. He's quite likely in a relationship already.

Hariasa Wed 27-Apr-16 13:21:23

Why do you want to meet someone is this unreliable before you've even met them?

Can you imagine what he'll be like to date?

Cut him loose and don't waste you time.

ParanoidGynodroid Wed 27-Apr-16 13:21:41

You may or may not BU to be suspicious, but that's beside the point. Its never going to happen anyway, is it?
Move on and find someone nice.

acasualobserver Wed 27-Apr-16 13:22:25

What does it mean to be "catfished"?

HotNatured Wed 27-Apr-16 13:22:30

You haven't even met and he's causing you this much angst ? shock

He's a flaky twat, and a clearly a massive liar.

Seriously, sack him right off, he's a waster. Imagine how frustrating it would be actually dating him

Sixpencenonethericher Wed 27-Apr-16 13:24:00

Sounds really suspicious and he's hiding something or maybe he's not single

Seeyounearertime Wed 27-Apr-16 13:24:12

Id bin him off just for this:
he hides away from the world when he's stressed

Fecking grow up

Seeyounearertime Wed 27-Apr-16 13:25:08


A Catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they're not on the internet.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 27-Apr-16 13:26:58

Skype/FaceTime calls can be really awkward particularly when you don't know the person. He could but just agreeing but then freaking out, doesn't sound like he's not interested.

As for the tweet, yes it's weird but not totally unbelievable that his dad could be in hospital and he pulls do this even hiding away. It's a comment on something non personal and a distraction. Also if he didn't comment others might ask what's up if that's something he always does.

Obviously, it could always be a catfish but nothing here sounds too bad. It could be he is real but makes up shit to get out of things including his dad which isn't really someone you would want to be with and would say sack him off.

Think you'll have to wait to find out at the weekend...

RudeElf Wed 27-Apr-16 13:27:00

I wouldnt say catfished (theyre usually trying to get money out of their victims). Just sounds like he's not that interested but hasnt the balls to actually tell you.

RudeElf Wed 27-Apr-16 13:27:50

Fwiw, i wouldnt wait for any call tonight. Hes already shown you who he is. Listen!

TheBakeryQueen Wed 27-Apr-16 13:27:52

No way should you put up with this. Move on.

dandydesmond Wed 27-Apr-16 13:28:04

Ah I know youre all right... its just so difficult to find anyone online that can even maintain a conversation at all, so when you do it skews the view a bit.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 27-Apr-16 13:28:18

Like others have said though, you haven't met the guy. It's prob not worth the bother

x2boys Wed 27-Apr-16 13:28:30

It means people are not who they say they are the set up a fake profile to meet people on.line and make more and more elaborate excuses not to meet in the programme on MTV when the persons that has befn catfished eventually tracks down the catfisher they are usually very different from their on line profile sometimes a different gender for example.

KatharinaRosalie Wed 27-Apr-16 13:29:35

I think he just sounds super flaky and not that interested, have had plenty of those.

KitKatCustard Wed 27-Apr-16 13:31:00

I reckon he's married. Sorry.

acasualobserver Wed 27-Apr-16 13:32:04

Seeyou thanks.

Well, it doesn't really sound like a con to me but agree with pps, it does sound a bit of a wild goose chase. I'd cut my losses and move on.

elastamum Wed 27-Apr-16 13:32:42

When you arrange to meet someone for the first time they should be on their best behaviour and trying hard to impress you. If this is it, it wont get any better.

Bin him and don't look back.

Destinysdaughter Wed 27-Apr-16 13:35:58

In my experience of OLD, pp who want to meet, meet! Those who don't are definitely shady and not worth your time. He's just given too many excuses. I'd just block him and move on TBH.

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