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AIBU?

Best man speech...

40 replies

Falling270 · 27/04/2016 10:03

I'm getting married next year. I have just received a text from the best man saying "Please don't tell fiancé but we have an idea instead of a speech we want to film and produce sketches about your fiancé with you and his family in them and play them at the wedding what do you think?"

First off as I have background film making they want me to help produce them and I don't have time for that and don't want to get involved but I can put them in touch with someone else if I thought it was worth it. Secondly I really really hate being on camera so don't want to act out comedy sketches and have them played to all the guests I would find that excruciating. He's begging me to do it saying DF would love it. Also he's told me the ideas for the sketches and they sound rubbish to be honest, he said one about DF using the wrong pan to cook something... Things along those lines. The wedding is going to be formal and traditional and I think this has the possibility of looking tacky. It also means logistically getting a big screen in the room for the wedding breakfast. It's an ancient beautiful room and not suited to that.

The other complication is that DF has split up best man duties between a few friends and this one contacting me isn't even the one supposed to be doing the speech. I flagged this to him but he ignored it.

My concern was "What if DF would love it and I stop it/ am I being a spoilsport etc?" I decided to ask MIL to be what she thought and she doesn't think it's a good idea. So now I have this gaggle of "best men" (about four of them) saying what a great idea this is and how DF will love it and we have ages to sort it etc etc and I don't know whether to let them get on with it as best man speeches are supposed to be embarrassing, or upset them all and quash their enthusiasm and tell them to do a normal speech.

WWYD?

OP posts:

Report

HereIAm20 · 27/04/2016 10:05

Why not suggest that they make a film perhaps including you to show to your DF on his stag do instead? Or something for the evening do instead?

canyou · 27/04/2016 10:10

My BILs best man/grooms men did a video about him and a questionaire to be done /watched on her hen weekend. It was funny. But in place of a bestmans speach I think no

CaptainWarbeck · 27/04/2016 10:13

I think best men/bridesmaids can get carried away with this stuff sometimes. It's not their wedding, it's yours! If you would hate it, that's reason enough to say you don't want it to happen.

Falling270 · 27/04/2016 13:34

Thanks for the replies.

I replied saying I think it could work better in the stag and he isn't supposed to be doing the speech anyway.

He asked me "Have you ever heard a best man's speech before?" And said I was "not to panic" and it was just visual not verbal. I think he was a bit rude!

OP posts:

Fratelli · 27/04/2016 13:56

Ugh I would cringe just watching as a guest! It's yours and dps wedding day, not best man day. Nip it in the bud now I think!

MattDillonsPants · 27/04/2016 14:00

Text back and say "Look I'm sure it's well meant but this is my wedding and I don't want it. I'm telling DH to be so he can assure you that we wont have it"

Falling270 · 27/04/2016 14:16

I agree I think it will be cringeworthy. MIL to be and Grandmother in law to be have both said they don't want it and don't think DF will like it.

I haven't responded to the best man yet as he's just told me to calm down and said it's totally appropriate etc.

One of my friends says I should just tell them if they want to do it then let them get on with it but they have to organise it all themselves including hiring actors and actresses and liasing with the venue about getting a big screen in. Can't decide if I should do that and let them get on with it or just tell them "No! It's a terrible idea!"

OP posts:

Kidnapped · 27/04/2016 14:20

God, he is trying to make this all about him isn't he? It is all about what he wants.

EponasWildDaughter · 27/04/2016 14:28

This is a stag do thing. Let them show the films there if they're that mad keen to make them.

The actual wedding day isn't for the best man (men) to have a laugh. A fairly brief funny speech is just enough to break the ice after the ceremony, and keep the mood light. No need for a full on comedy show

Tell him no thanks. And tell DH.

Kidnapped · 27/04/2016 14:33

You've considered it (which is nice of you) but neither you nor DH's family wishes to participate in it. So that is the end of that.

The "not even the best man" chap is a cheeky fucker. Tell him he can do it for his own wedding.

I do think that your DF has made a mistake in making these chaps all part of the best man thing. It has clearly gone to their heads. Time for your DF to put a stop to it.

CwtchesAndCuddles · 27/04/2016 14:34

Be honest about how you feel and stop this now! If they refuse to listen you will need to talk to your dp and let him sort them out, you know your dp as does his mum and grandmother all of you think its a bad idea, don't let this spoil your wedding.

LeaLeander · 27/04/2016 14:34

I agree they are getting carried away. Nip it in the bud. Think of your guests - do you really think anyone would want to sit through some sort of film production at the start of the dinner when they would actually rather be talking to fellow guests???

Also - the best man need not really give a "speech." Leading the guests in a brief toast to the health of the bride and groom is quite sufficient. That these moments have turned into scripted comedy "roasts" is pretty tacky and deplorable to begin with. Urge the best man to keep it short and tasteful for everyone's sake.

EponasWildDaughter · 27/04/2016 14:46

I just realised i put ''tell DH''.

DH to be i mean

canyou · 27/04/2016 15:09

Warn the venue. Tell them no tv or big screens allowed on the wedding day. I just remembered we did this at my DSis wedding as there was a huge match on. They could watch it in the hotel bar but not the reception room. They were all invested fans who would curse and swear etc and DSis did not want that around elderly and young guests. Venue had no problem making sure the tvs in the reception area were off

Charlesroi · 27/04/2016 16:13

I'd tell him it sounds horribly tacky and I want nothing to do with it.
It's up to the best men what they do, but I think it's worth reminding them that your guests are there to celebrate your wedding. It's not the fucking Sundance festival.
A couple of risque jokes and a toast is the limit.

scarlets · 27/04/2016 16:13

It is not appropriate and you were right to veto it. The poster above me makes an excellent suggestion re. barring screens at the venue.

pinkerpeony · 27/04/2016 16:33

I think it sounds rather fun. But if you think DF won't like it and you don't fancy the idea now is the time to say no.
I'd text him and say you've thought about it and it would be more appropriate for the Stag so no thanks.

KatyN · 27/04/2016 16:38

I went to a wedding were the best man's speech was a song. B a d.
If bm doesn't take it from you then you need to involve your fiancé!

Aside from that my dh is currently writing a bm speech, everytime we walk somewhere he has to stop to write ideas on his phone!!

MrHannahSnell · 27/04/2016 17:56

Sounds awful beyond belief. I wouldn't agree to it at any price.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/04/2016 18:49

He told you to calm down? I'd have totally ripped into him for that alone, patronising git. And his idea sounds shit anyway.

Falling270 · 27/04/2016 19:39

Yeah his messages to me were "don't panic" (when I had just said I'd think about it) and "have you ever heard a best man's speech?" And then when I said I didn't want to be filmed he kept saying "do on, DF will love it and I don't want to have to find a lookalike/ put one of his friends in a wig"!

I hurt repeated to him he's not supposed to be doing the speech but he won't let it go, being really pushy and saying how normal and appropriate it is. Don't know whether to tell DF or not.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 27/04/2016 19:54

'I haven't responded to the best man yet as he's just told me to calm down and said it's totally appropriate etc. '

Oh, FUCK HIM OFF! Tell your DF now, tonight. His friend is being a dick and making it all about himself and what he wants. Your fiance needs to tell him NO, he was asked to do a speech and if he doesn't want, he (your fiance) will have to ask someone else. You tell the venue, too, NO big screens. None. And why, in case the dickhead goes through with it (because people like this do).

Sounds tacky, stupid and inappropriate.

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Kidnapped · 27/04/2016 22:31

expat, this bloke wasn't even asked to do a speech.

Just told that he would be one of several people doing best man duties. The bloke supposedly doing the speech is someone else.

OP, tell your fiancé to get this Poundland Danny Boyle to back the hell off otherwise his invitation will be rescinded.

I wouldn't put it past this lot to enact a Thriller tribute or something on the day.

MGC1986 · 27/04/2016 22:40

Can you speak to the best man who IS supposed to be doing the speech and ask him to deal with it? Or is he in on this too? You could try buttering him up a bit and say "DF asked you to do the speech because you've known him longer/he's closer to you/you know him better and we think you'll do a much better job".

missymayhemsmum · 27/04/2016 22:47

Yup, if you think it's a crap idea then time to put your bridezilla heels on and stamp on it firmly, OP

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