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AIBU to not want to relocate?

(15 Posts)
ampersandand Wed 27-Apr-16 09:28:00

Dp isn't happy in his job and has been looking around for work recently. There isn't a lot of 'well paid' work for what he does in our area and jobs are few and far between.

We've got 2 dc, a 20 month old and a 3 month old. I have 1 friend here, 2 friends who live an hour away and family live 2 hours away. So a very limited support network, but not too disastrous.

I have been at my job for 5 years now and love it there, I hope to go back, as I did after ds1, once my maternity leave is up.

My problem lies with dp and his job. This is his 6th job in 4 years and he has not got on well with any of them.

He applied for jobs again last night and informed me one of them He had applied for is 3 hours away from where we are and in the opposite direction from all of my family and friends, but conveniently closer to his family.

We have had this discussion before about how I don't want to move away as I already feel slightly isolated, it's such a short and difficult time in our lives with 2 small DC and I don't want to have to do that in a new town where I don't know anyone and where seeing friends and family would be severely limited.

I have said that once DC are older we can re think the situation but at the moment I need all the support around me I can get.

He is the higher earner so his job trumps mine apparently.

AIBU to tell him a firm no to moving away yet again.

BlueMoonRising Wed 27-Apr-16 09:30:26

I would say no purely on the basis that it looks like he would be there a year at most before looking for another job.


thenappyslayer Wed 27-Apr-16 09:32:50

YANBU - focus on supporting him find something where you are as opposed to focusing on saying no we can't move.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 27-Apr-16 09:36:39


Is he happy in his field? If he's not getting on in these jobs there must be an underlying reason. It might be better to gently find out what's happening. The old "if you could do any job in the world" convo is a good gate way

ampersandand Wed 27-Apr-16 09:47:10

He's been building up his experience and CV, but he is in a rush to get this 'dream job'. It's been hard work for him to get where he is and I can see why he wants to move but I'm just not ready.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs Wed 27-Apr-16 09:48:59

YANBU surely it's a joint decision for you both to make? Might be different if he was earning a huge amount more than you and in a very specialised area but other than that I'd say this needs discussed between you both

ampersandand Wed 27-Apr-16 09:50:25

I do search job sites for him in the area by the way, it is pretty limited though.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 27-Apr-16 09:55:25

I can see it from his point of view actually.

You only have one friend close by. Everyone else is quite far away. Your job situation is important but you only say 'might' go back.

You say it would mean moving closer to his family, which means he's been happy to live near yours until now. Is it his turn. How do you get on with them? Would they help you.

So whilst Yanbu, neither is he.

Janecc Wed 27-Apr-16 10:06:10

There really comes a time, where he will need to stick out a job because otherwise he will struggle to get another and will be dismissed from any recruitment process as "flighty". Would you be able to stay put for a while and see if any new job works out? I don't know if you work full time but I think would nice for you if you were settled in one place when your eldest child starts school. Good friendships can be forged at the school gates. And no, his job doesn't definitely trump his if you've been in it a while, are well respected and regarded and have no desire to leave. Whenever he starts a job, it will usually be last in first out with dismissals and redundancies. So your job may one day be the saving grace. Anyway, right now, it probably isn't worth the argument because he hasn't even got an interview yet.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 27-Apr-16 10:16:58

I'm a bit confused by the building his cv. Are these all just short contracts? In which case many jobs over a short period is fine. If not, he should prob try to stick it out somewhere. If he has to move for better work and is committed to this field then the likelihood is that you will have to move at some point but doesn't mean just yet.

I have recently relocated and hate it.

hearthattack Wed 27-Apr-16 10:24:15

I have a small child and recently moved hours from my family and friends, minutes from DPs family and friends, near the town where he grew up. Frankly, it sucks.

BarbaraofSeville Wed 27-Apr-16 10:24:26

I don't think I would want to relocate in those circumstances.

Is there any chance that, if he gets this job, he could stay with his family or in a bedsit during the week and come home at weekends?

Not ideal, but if his previous track record is anything to go by, it might not be for long anyway.

Spandexpants007 Wed 27-Apr-16 10:27:59

6th job in 4 years!! So he could uproot the whole family and start his new job yet only be in the job 9 months?!

Your consistency at work and your social network counts. It should be a joint decision.

If he's determined to take the job he will need to work away from home mid week. Once he's been in the job 2 years, you will review your current living situation but that doesn't necessarily mean you will move

OzzieFem Wed 27-Apr-16 10:35:21

He's applied for the job but hasn't got it yet, so obviously not even been through the interview stage, or even shortlisted for one.

YANBU. If your DD does get the job, could he not stay with some of his family M-F and come home for the weekend? Planning to move will take time especially with two very small children. and who knows he may not like the job, if he does get it, and you will have given up a job you love and home. All very stressful and not needed when you are coping with 2 under two's. Hold your ground, marriage is a partnership, and 6 jobs in four years does not look good on a CV, regardless of the salary earned. brew cake

ampersandand Wed 27-Apr-16 10:40:24

This is his home town by the way, his family moved away 4 years ago.

He had to start from the very bottom as an apprentice as he needed experience to compete in the job market, each job he's had has been better than the last with better roles and better pay.

He's in a good job at the moment but he's under poor management who aren't able to fulfill his potential as they are so disorganised as a company.

I am also worried about him changing jobs so frequently ,it's been mentioned in interviews before.

He is under the impression that a job somewhere else will be a happy ever after.

I am not convinced.

Thank you for all your replies.

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