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At what point do I call social services?

(56 Posts)
thisismeusernameything Tue 26-Apr-16 23:51:48

Posting for traffic. Sorry but I need a bit of advise from people with experience.

How much is it acceptable to shout at your kids? What language is deemed unnecessary and does the frequency matter?

My next door neighbour shouts at her very young children several times a day, maybe 5-10 times, for around a minute at a time.

They are fucking this and that's, cunts and every other name you can imagine. Is this ok? I often here the children crying.

I really dont know where the line is with this. The children seem ok dressed and look fine but its just the screaming and language used.

Is this a concern? Do I report it or do I mind my own business?

Nuggy2013 Tue 26-Apr-16 23:53:43

Report it. You could be protecting kids and on the other hand, you could be highlighting that this mum needs support. No one dies from sharing too much information regarding concerns about children

mrsdoughnut Tue 26-Apr-16 23:55:01

Is she a single mother? Maybe she needs a little help and is finding it hard to keep her cool. The language used would concern me alot though.

Are you close enough to pop in for a coffee and ask how she is ? Rather than cause more stress and piss her off more calling SS.

Pipsqueak23 Tue 26-Apr-16 23:55:31

I would say worth speaking to someone about it. Not sure what they could do but no harm raising the matter in case there is something that can be done. Even if it's just advice

peggyundercrackers Wed 27-Apr-16 00:06:27

Yes you absolutely should inform someone - shouting at kids is, IMO, worse than hitting them.

MyQuaterLifeCrisis Wed 27-Apr-16 00:09:25

My kids fight a lot so I am always shouting at them to pack it in. Especially when sleep deprived every day

ReginaBlitz Wed 27-Apr-16 00:10:34

You don't know why she's shouting at them though? I shout when mine are being complete shits, I don't shout without good reason, and doubt she does.

Damselindestress Wed 27-Apr-16 00:10:45

The language used would bother me. Reporting could highlight that she needs support.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 27-Apr-16 00:11:18

My theory (ex-SS) is if you are asking, you need to ask in real life. Call the NSPCC, ask them for their advice. They will ask you the relevant questions. If you are concerned, that is enough to mean you should talk to someone.

fatmomma99 Wed 27-Apr-16 00:11:44

swearing at children, however horrible is not on it's own a safeguarding concern.

But the thing about safeguarding is that it's about joining up the dots, so you need to find an agency the mother uses (HV, church, children's centre, nursery or school, GP, doesn't matter what) and share your concerns with them. In all of those places, there are safeguarding people you can talk to.

You could ring SS and report, but unless they've already got the family in their radar, they won't take it up on swearing/shouting alone.

Unfortunately children are in far worse situations every day.

AndNowItsSeven Wed 27-Apr-16 00:12:09

No I would t call social services , I would try and befriend her though.

thisismeusernameything Wed 27-Apr-16 00:16:39

No. Definitely not close doughnut .

We're renting a cheap little cottage while we renovate the hell hole of a farm we've bought. We've only been here a couple of months. I know she rents so asked her agency to have a word about a month ago. Possibly the wrong thing to do but her language is shocking. I needed to do something.

She is a single mother but a boyfriend seems to come and go. I never hear a peep from him.

I can imagine being on your own is shot but I just think about those poor little ones being yelled at like that and it makes my stomach churn.

The inly problem is she's going to know it me that has reported and she scares me to bloody death but Ill give SS a call tomorrow just to see what they say.

EveryoneElsie Wed 27-Apr-16 00:22:45

If it makes you feel uncomfortable then report it. It may not be too bad now, but if she doesnt get the support she clearly needs then it may get worse.

Thats a horrible way to treat your children. Its not good parenting and it cant be good for them.

thisismeusernameything Wed 27-Apr-16 00:27:02

OK. A range of opinions appeared while I was writing my last post.. I was hoping a social worker would come long so thanks MrsTerry.

I know kids can push buttons especially when you are knackered but do you all call your kids cunts several times a day?

Tonight's final screaming was about a pair of shoes that one of the kids has obviously lost. So we had find your shoes you stupid fucking cunt. I only bought them last week. Where are they? Fucking find them now. The fucking find them now,. Where are they went on for a couple of minutes.

I will give the NSPCC a call, see what they say. Thanks everyone. I have to admit I never hear her lay a finger on them. If I did, I'd be straight on the phone.

Italiangreyhound Wed 27-Apr-16 00:27:40

If your sense of peace and calm is being shattered by hearing this through a wall imagine how a very young child feels being subjected to this numerous times each day by someone who is meant to be caring from you and nurturing you.

Please report it. You can do so anonymously.

The mum needs some help but she won't get it, mostly likely, until someone intervenes.

Italiangreyhound Wed 27-Apr-16 00:29:48

Oh great, OP, I cross-posted.

EverySongbirdSays Wed 27-Apr-16 00:35:15

Though all parents occasionally 'lose their rag' If what you were hearing was a man shouting those things at a woman - everyone would say she's in an abusive relationship she needs help. These kids are on the receiving end of verbal/psychological abuse.

Phone NSPCC or Central Advice and Duty for your local SS

MattDillonsPants Wed 27-Apr-16 00:39:25

She needs help. Calling social services will provide that.

thisismeusernameything Wed 27-Apr-16 00:53:39

If my DH spoke to me like that songbird, it would be byebye DH. I think its the frequency that is getting me down at the moment and the fact that after her latest outburst, I could hear the child crying.

I will let you all know what the NSPCC say.

Ginkypig Wed 27-Apr-16 00:57:21

The one thing I hear time and time again from adults who were abused as children is.

Everyone must have known, or at least thought somthing odd was going on i don't understand why not a single sdult ever tried to help me/us all it would have taken was one phonecall.

I think that puts things into perspective op doesn't it?

Generally speaking If the kids are ok then no one will need to step although obviously in some cases that isn't true.

Good luck, I'm glad there are people out there who at least want to protect children who they think might need help **

* that was *not a dig at anyone on this thread!

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 27-Apr-16 01:35:39

That's the thing. Swearing isn't necessarily an issue. I knew a lovely mum who used to call her kids little fuckers. But she was loving and caring and her house was a warm, clean, loving place. Shouting isn't necessarily an issue. We all lose our temper once in a while.

But the NSPCC can ask you about frequency, tone and all sorts of things.

LeaLeander Wed 27-Apr-16 01:48:34

What on earth are you waiting for? Do you really need to ask?

Those saying "oh maybe she's a struggling single mum, offer her a cup of tea" - fuck that. Whatever her problems are is no excuse for damaging these kids day in day out. FFS.

PinkheartsPinkfarts Wed 27-Apr-16 02:16:42

Op i reported a neighbour for the same thing, even saw her drag her child into the car. I did it annoymous.
Around a week later i had police at my door wanting to talk to me over this neighbour making an allegation of harrassment, they even tried to give me a PIN which would of went on my file and had to be reported to jobs, only because my partner is in law he told me i don't have to sign it.
If he wasn't there that night i would of signed it without knowledge and i work with children, would of f'd up my career.

I am not trying to put you off but since police are now seeing reports as harrassment just be warned you may have a copper knocking on your door.

Out2pasture Wed 27-Apr-16 02:21:53

i think it is best to leave this to the professionals. when in doubt call.

Italiangreyhound Wed 27-Apr-16 10:23:07

PinkheartsPinkfarts that's terrible. I don't understand what the PIN was though?

thisismeusernameything don;t be put off, report it anonymously. If anyone comes to your door act as you would if they came to your door under any circumstances. Tell the truth. You do not need to tell your neighbor what you said to them. you can lie or say it is none of your business, if she were even to ask. My guess is she would be too busy trying to sort her life out and this may be the wake up call she needs!

You are in the right here, you should not be afraid to do the right thing.

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