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To really dislike one of my DD's friends....

(36 Posts)
Devonbee Tue 26-Apr-16 22:43:32

I'm struggling with her.

My dd and her friend are 6 years old. DDs friend is very very quiet and I used to think it was shyness, but now I think she is sullen and just blooming rude.

For instance.... I brought her home for tea and was getting out of the car, which was full of bags and general kids stuff plus my stuff. I said "OK guys, you will have to carry your own bits up as I don't have enough hands". I held out her bag and said, "here you go". She just stared at me, and crossed her arms. I ended up hooking the bag over her head.

This is just one example. No please's or thank you's despite me explaining that "in our house" we say please and thank you. And the usual prompt "What do you say" etc.

How do I deal with this child? Or is it just me and I should ignore it.

Samcro Tue 26-Apr-16 22:44:42

you hooked a bag over her head!

EatShitDerek Tue 26-Apr-16 22:45:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TealLove Tue 26-Apr-16 22:46:23

You hooked a bag around a 6 yo neck?

Devonbee Tue 26-Apr-16 22:47:43

It was a book bag. I'd held it out to her and asked her to take it, she refused so I hooked it over her head. I do it with my two sometimes. It wasn't rough but I was struggling and with my hands full.

It wasn't done in a rough way

EatShitDerek Tue 26-Apr-16 22:48:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

G1raffe Tue 26-Apr-16 22:49:32

I think they're still little at that age and don't always know what to say to other Big Adults or how quite to behave or what the rules/expectations are to be honest. You will do things differently to at their home which is all they know. A few years older and I'd expect more.

Devonbee Tue 26-Apr-16 22:51:26

Maybe that wasn't ok then?

I would have never ignored an adult asking me to do something as a child In fact I wouldn't do it now. It's just bloody rude when someone is nice to you, ask's what you'd like to eat for tea then you turn your nose up.

Maybe I am taking this child a little personally

MattDillonsPants Tue 26-Apr-16 22:51:55

God people on here are precious! She didn't throttle the child!

OP it's offputting when your DC have a sullen friend. DD has had a few. Try to remember that some of them don't have great home lives. They may be respectable, well dressed etc but some kids have parents who shout or argue a lot or drink or who can't discipline well.

Just continue as you are...she may improve.

Devonbee Tue 26-Apr-16 22:52:51

Ps. I have known this child since she was 3. She knows me and my house well as my daughter and her have been friends for 3 years, birthday parties together for the last 3 years

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 26-Apr-16 22:55:02

I can't stand that. When kids pretend to be shy and you get to know them and they're little brats.
I don't get the hooking over the head though. It doesn't matter whether or not it was done roughly. Hooks around a child can still cause choking.
I'm not sure what you can do really about her tbh. If you stop her coming to your house. It's your DD who you'd be hurting. Plus it's not your responsibility to teach her manners. If her mother hasnt done that. That's her look out. If she's 6. They'll be going to junior school either this September or next, so hopefully
They'll be put into different classes and make new friends.

CointreauVersial Tue 26-Apr-16 22:56:28

It's totally normal to like some of your DCs' friends more than others. Over the years I have definitely met a few I haven't warmed to, and I cheer silently when the friendship eventually runs its course.

I perhaps wouldn't have hooked her bag over her neck, but I would certainly have dropped it at her feet!

Devonbee Tue 26-Apr-16 23:03:31

OK - so maybe I didn't react well. Won't hook the bag across someone else's child again.

My DD is the eldest so I guess I am getting used to the whole friendship thing. Best to keep out of the way I think and once or twice a term for tea after school....

WorraLiberty Tue 26-Apr-16 23:05:15

I so would have hooked the bag over her head too, in fact I've done that many a time when the kids were little and we were trying to get stuff indoors grin

I'd say persevere with her OP.

My kids are teens/adult now and I can think back to a few who I didn't like much when they were little, but they grew up into lovely young adults.

Devonbee Tue 26-Apr-16 23:06:15

Thanks WorraLiberty ;)

ShamefulPlaceMarker Tue 26-Apr-16 23:06:55

Lol at people getting all uppity about hooking a bag over a child's head!

Devonbee Tue 26-Apr-16 23:07:25

Thanks MattDillonsPants! She may improve.
In the meantime I will skulk away in the kitchen!

hesterton Tue 26-Apr-16 23:07:43

I don't think op said she was hooking it round the child's neck and twisting it. I'm sure the child is fine.

I always deal with this kind of sullen attitude with humour. A gentle tease at the same time as a firm insistence on cooperation. It would wear thin if it went on and on though.

WorraLiberty Tue 26-Apr-16 23:11:30

Actually thinking back too, my DC kind of dropped off their friendships with the kids who didn't really grow out of that behaviour eventually. Perhaps they found them rude too, I don't know.

TinklyLittleLaugh Tue 26-Apr-16 23:12:28

My nephew never spoke to adults outside the family (my sis had to record him reading his book so that the teacher knew he could do it). He only spoke to a couple of kids. Lots of people thought he was rude and surly. He was diagnosed as a selective mute and my sister had to push for a program of treatment to help him get over it.

So maybe this little girl has this type of issue and really can't help it.

AtSea1979 Tue 26-Apr-16 23:14:31

Ha this thread is hilarious with posters getting in a twist over hooking a bag. I would do this too!
OP my DD has sullen friends too and it's a right pain with all the fake cheer just for them to be grumpy and rude. Find a laid back fun friend to invite round.

Devonbee Tue 26-Apr-16 23:14:47

No child was harmed in the travel from the car to the front door despite how it may sound smile

WorraLiberty Tue 26-Apr-16 23:17:19

I'm quite sure the OP removed her heel from the back of the little girl's neck eventually grin

SnobblyBobbly Tue 26-Apr-16 23:20:58

'It could cause choking'

Fuck me, there's nothing like a spot of hysteria.

Devonbee Tue 26-Apr-16 23:21:12

Hi TinklyLittleLaugh

No she isn't selectively mute - she does talk, just can't manage a please or a thank you. Ever.
I don't think she is given any 'guidance' from home. Her parents are perfectly nice but Mum's a bit of a walk over - never really says no.

Plus - it made me think differently of her when the little girls tooth came out during one such play date - we wrapped it up in tissue for her to take home with her and it was rotten. As in black with decay. She's 6! i don't know how you can allow your kids teeth to get in such a state. I fight with my 4 year old to brush his teeth. Its a challenge twice a day every day but we do it because that is part of being a parent.
I'm going to sound completely 'judgy' but it made me think differently about her mum iyswim

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