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To ask DH not to use overly formal language when speaking to me

(177 Posts)
printmeanicephoto Tue 26-Apr-16 19:51:49

Two such words that he just drops into "casual" conversation when speaking to me are "hitherto" and "in perpetuity". I feel sometimes like he's talking to me as if we were discussing a legal case! I find it too formal. Most of time he's fine but using seemingly legal/formal language with me just makes my skin crawl. I've mentioned it and how it makes me feel and he thinks I'm being unreasonable. AIBU?

TestingTestingWonTooFree Tue 26-Apr-16 19:54:13

Is he a lawyer?

printmeanicephoto Tue 26-Apr-16 19:55:10


almostthirty Tue 26-Apr-16 19:55:15

I don't think yabu but does he work in a very formal environment? I'm only asking because sometimes when. I get in from work I'm still in 'work mode' and will often talk to dh as if I am given instructions etc it really annoys him and will tell me he's not my TA, which usually snaps me out of it!

JesusInTheCabbageVan Tue 26-Apr-16 19:55:48

Well, so long as it's not during sex....

Owllady Tue 26-Apr-16 19:57:05

Try being married to an engineer

LeaLeander Tue 26-Apr-16 19:57:22

I think it's folly to try to change people to suit our own tastes. If that is his normal speech pattern, why should he change, when you think about it. If he asked you to speak MORE formally, would you? Or would you expect him to accept you as you are?

I think it would be cool to converse with someone who doesn't resort to the lowest common vernacular at every turn.

GreatFuckability Tue 26-Apr-16 19:58:55

has he always spoken like that? if so, then i think YABU to ask him to change words that he would normally use.

OiWithThePoodlesAlready Tue 26-Apr-16 19:59:13

Oh god...i had an ex who did this! It drove me up the wall.

I alway felt like it was a bit 'I am extremely intelligent and will use big words to make others feel inferior'.

Also he was a pretentious knob.

TheCatsMeow Tue 26-Apr-16 20:01:13

YABU if that's just the way he talks. I use "ergo" in conversation and have had raised eyebrows, yet I think it's completely normal.

If he's doing it deliberately however, that is a different issue.

printmeanicephoto Tue 26-Apr-16 20:02:49

Yeah I don't want to be unreasonable - he's def started using it more since becoming a director - he does have to look at contracts as part of his work. He swears blind it has nothing to do with this though! I just find it all a bit pompous.

LineyReborn Tue 26-Apr-16 20:03:28

My OH tried the 'with the greatest respect...' line once and I ripped the piss out of him for weeks.

'Oh here we go, Kofi Annan meets Basil Fawlty.'

DaisyAdair Tue 26-Apr-16 20:04:48

has he always spoken like that? if so, then i think YABU to ask him to change words that he would normally use.

Yes, but 'hitherto' and 'in perpetuity?' confused

iklboo Tue 26-Apr-16 20:05:18

'Sesquipedalianism is the resort of the insecure, darling'.

Princesspeach1980 Tue 26-Apr-16 20:08:11

DH both do this, and both laugh at each other. I accidentally use emergency services jargon, and he launches into cheesy corporate nonsense. I would just take the mickey when he goes into work mode.

DailyFailAreABunchOfCunts Tue 26-Apr-16 20:09:33

Which is why, henceforth, I shall be referring to you as 'A Pompous Twat'.

MrsMook Tue 26-Apr-16 20:11:08

DH has tried explaining things to our young children using words like "fundamentally" «facepalm»

Hassled Tue 26-Apr-16 20:12:39

DH uses wanky corporate speak without realising - it's just the world he works in.

But if that isn't the world your DH works in then it's just bizarre - and so pompous. Is it a deliberate attempt to patronise you, do you think?

PuppyMonkey Tue 26-Apr-16 20:14:40

What sort of sentence would he use "hitherto?"

Is it like: "hitherto I shall not be doing the dishes."

I am going to have a poo in perpetuity"

If so, I like him. grin

villainousbroodmare Tue 26-Apr-16 20:15:40

Nothing a good snorty laugh wouldn't sort out, I expect! grin
Does sound extremely pompous, especially if, as you say, it correlates with a promotion at work. I'd say there is a great deal of fun to be had with it!

PuppyMonkey Tue 26-Apr-16 20:16:38

Or do I mean "hitherto I have never done the dishes."

I'm not even sure what hitherto means tbh.

Topseyt Tue 26-Apr-16 20:17:08

My Dad could sound a bit like this. Things like you "partake of" something rather than just taking part. Other examples that I can't remember but will come to mind. He wasn't always too bad in general conversation, but if he was writing a letter it always sounded incredibly pompous. grin

I guess you cannot change the person. If it is the only gripe I would just let it go, whilst taking the piss out of him for it when it suited me (not in a nasty way, promise). I mean, if he says "hitherto" then correct him with "up to now", or "to date" and for "in perpetuity" correct him to "forever".

Pinkheart5915 Tue 26-Apr-16 20:17:14

My dh is a lawyer and occasionally speaks to me in a very formal way doesn't even realise his doing it. It's generally only on the days his been in to work it takes him a while to switch back to "home mode"

WipsGlitter Tue 26-Apr-16 20:19:24

DP did this the other day. Talked about "pushing back" the date we were going to meet friends for dinner. Prat!

ImperialBlether Tue 26-Apr-16 20:20:15

I had a friend in the police and she'd say "allegedly" if she was telling me something. grin

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