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AIBU- I didn't want anyone there in the first place!

(6 Posts)
ateapotandacake Tue 26-Apr-16 18:56:27

This is my first AIBU- I'm a little scared!
Basically my DP and I are getting married this summer. We're having the legal ceremony on a weekday and then a big do with humanist ceremony and all the traditional ring exchange etc with a marquee at home at the weekend.
When we first had this idea we were intending the 'legal bit' to just be us: me, DP, DS (9 months) and two friends as witnesses. I was then informed by my mother that she would come as she wouldn't have me getting married without her there. After a lot of to and fro DP confessed he'd told his parents they could come (his brother had had a spontaneous secret wedding a couple of years ago and they're still upset they couldn't go) and not realising that I conceded that of course they and my mum could go. But then it grew! My dad too. And my aunt. And sister. And brother. And cousins. And all their partners.
And I told all of them that, in the nicest possible way, I didn't want to have to organise that and the other bigger wedding so if they wanted to be there they'd have to sort out accommodation etc. And for the most part they have.
And now DH's parents are stressing. They live 4 hours drive from the venue and are umming and aahhing about accommodation. They might want to stay where we are staying (with friends!). But don't want to impose! They might stay in a hotel. (The venue is very close to a big airport so there are a lot of accommodation options nearby!). They might drive up on the day. And the more they stress the more I feel awful because I know it is their son's wedding but AIBU to wish NONE OF THEM WERE COMING anyway?!

wiltingfast Tue 26-Apr-16 19:00:23


It's a wedding

People who love you want to be there

What you need here is a healthy dose of "not my problem".

Your soon to be dh's parents' accommodation is not your problem grin

Relax and enjoy, so exciting to be getting married wink

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Tue 26-Apr-16 19:00:35

Don't feel guilty! They were all so desperate to come, they can sort themselves out

You should've limited it to both sets of parents and the two friends as witnesses but too late now as you've had them all sort accommodation

Is everyone going to go to both? I'm surprised so many cousins etc are happy to take time off work and the expense

EponasWildDaughter Tue 26-Apr-16 19:07:27

Was going to say what wilting said.

I'll add that i empathise greatly. It's all this kind of hoo har which killed me and DHs idea of a quick legal ceremony with a lovely out door 'hand binding' do for everyone to enjoy with us later the same day.

It grew and grew and got more 'conventional' until it turned into a straight forward white wedding. Lovely day, but not what i originally wanted.

YouTheCat Tue 26-Apr-16 19:13:41

They are creating their own stress. They need to sort themselves out. You've been very good to let them all come when you have organised a big celebration a few days later.

They come or they don't but it's not your fault that they can't seem to get themselves organised.

One of my brothers eloped and had two strangers as witnesses. Totally their choice and what they wanted.

My other brother had a massive wedding, which was lovely, and what they wanted.

I wouldn't have imposed on their wishes.

ateapotandacake Thu 28-Apr-16 14:32:23

Thanks for this- particularly wiltingfast I did indeed need a good dose of not my problem. I've told DP to let them get on with it, and when they created a new problem (they all want to stay at our house after the wedding- two elderly parents, four adults, two children) and we only have one spare room!) I simply told DP to let them do whatever, they won't possibly fit so they'll come up with something I'm sure if they weren't so bloody stingy there's a cheap hotel up the road

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