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That my colleague has upset me

(81 Posts)
Eeyore86 Tue 26-Apr-16 11:51:00

We have a new woman at work, this is her second week, she is currently sharing my office and she does seem very nice.

I have EDS so I am very flexible and my joints do go into positions that people can view as strange, because of the condition I can sit in positions that are comfortable to me without realising that it does look odd.

The new woman hadn't seen this until today when I reached for something in the main open plan office and at the top of her voice said "oh my god that's totally disgusting don't ever do that again"

AIBU to be upset by this? I feel mortified in front of my colleagues, I understand that she's never witnessed it before and might be a bit shocked but surely there are better ways to react?

I don't know whether to broach this with her or just to let it go but it has made me feel awful, with crutches and braces I stand out enough at work and I don't need anyone to draw attention to me

RudeElf Tue 26-Apr-16 11:53:18

Meh, ignore her idiotic behaviour. She is possibly the kind who "screehes" for attention, best way to make her stop is to consistently give no attention to it.

Waltermittythesequel Tue 26-Apr-16 11:53:31

Was she saying it in a jokey way?

My niece is double jointed and bends her arms into all sorts of shapes to 'gross people out' so often gets that type of reaction.

If you think she was being malicious or disablist, then it needs sorting.

Otherwise, perhaps a brief explanation of your condition?

She'll most likely be mortified by what she said and it certainly wouldn't happen again.

RudeElf Tue 26-Apr-16 11:55:39

I wouldnt bother explaining your condition. Its surely not a big ask to expect adults to be able to control their tongues so that they dont call people disgusting? That shouldnt need special reasons for them not to do it.

sonjadog Tue 26-Apr-16 11:56:13

What were you doing that merited the comment "that's totally disgusting?" How can you reach for something in a manner that could be considered digusting?

AnnieOnnieMouse Tue 26-Apr-16 11:57:05

Rude cow!
Death stare at her if she dares do it again, and ask, levelly, why, exactly, you disgust her.
You never know, one of your other colleagues may have a word in her ear.

KoalaDownUnder Tue 26-Apr-16 11:58:20

I don't really understand what you were doing when you reached, either. Although on the face of it, she sounds a twat.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 26-Apr-16 11:59:48

YNBU. I hate that when new faces burst on the scene, abd. Start acting like they run the show.

ChemistryHunt Tue 26-Apr-16 12:01:56

How disgusting could reaching for something possibly be?

She sound overly dramatic to me unless you really were in an inappropriate pose.

(Am I the only one who wants to see the exact position now?)

angelos02 Tue 26-Apr-16 12:03:16

(Am I the only one who wants to see the exact position now?)


Tiggeryoubastard Tue 26-Apr-16 12:07:33

Depends what you were doing. I doubt you had your foof out, or something similar, but without knowing how can we comment?

RudeElf Tue 26-Apr-16 12:09:33

It doesnt really depend on what she was doing. It is a side effect of her illness. She doesnt deserve to be told its disgusting and not to do it again. Nor does she have to provide a demonstration for nosey nebs on Mn so they can judge.

Footle Tue 26-Apr-16 12:16:16

RudeElf, you can address OP directly.

IdaBattersea Tue 26-Apr-16 12:18:31

Footle I think RudeElf was responding to Tigger

RudeElf Tue 26-Apr-16 12:21:00


I addressed OP when I was talking to OP.

KittensandKnitting Tue 26-Apr-16 12:22:29

I have EDS too so I too am bendy... Sorry to hear your suffering so badly with it OP, I know depending on type and even between types effects can vary greatly.

So here is my take on it.

She is not a very nice person for reacting like that, but maybe she was just so shocked and she actually (I would like to think) feels bad for reacting like that. Doesn't make it easier for you though if your concious of it, so flowers for you.

It can be a little shocking what I can do with my limbs hmm one thing I do with my arm I used to do as a kid to get the same reaction of - eioeweee. I'd try and ignore it, if she makes a comment again have something ready to say that gives you the moral high ground and gives her the very clear picture that saying such things is inappropriate, because quite frankly it is not nice and you don't need to share your condition with her!

MattDillonsPants Tue 26-Apr-16 12:24:35

Rude it rather does depend on what she was doing. Her ABILITY to bend into unusual positions is a side effect of her condition but the choice is hers. It's not a compulsion or something she MUST do to feel comfortable or pain free.

OP, unless the position was inappropriate, she is being silly.

RudeElf Tue 26-Apr-16 12:28:21

Unless she was flipping her skin inside out then she wasnt doing anything disgusting.

KittensandKnitting Tue 26-Apr-16 12:28:58

Matt your very wrong, with EDS you are not always aware what your limbs are doing!

If I lean on a table, hand flat on the surface and then lean forward my hand may automatically bend back on itself for me over extension of limbs is a very natural thing, I certainly don't always do this to "freak" people out and I certainly don't expect people to point and say I'm disgusting!! In the event it happens - difference for me is that I would happily tell them to F off, the OP here is upset.

Now I can do weird things at will, but the way my joints move, flex etc is not always at will! It's as natural to me as your movement is.

228agreenend Tue 26-Apr-16 12:30:18

She probably didn't mean tomsay anything out of order.

I would have a brief word with explaining that your condition occasionally results in these movements. I'm sure if she understood,your position, she would be sympathetic and not react next time.

blankmind Tue 26-Apr-16 12:34:01

Try - loudly - and with a deathstare, "Do you always draw attention to peoples' differences, or did you make an exception in my case?

shovetheholly Tue 26-Apr-16 12:34:41

I think I would go get a large glass of wine hot chocolate and then say to her 'I think I upset you earlier - it wasn't my intention. I have EDS, you see...' and then explain that the condition causes you sometimes to make unusual movements or sit in unusual ways. And that you are likely to do it again in future and you hope she won't feel freaked out.

If you highlight the downsides as well as the up, she should be better informed for the future, and know not to react that way.

It sucks that you have to spell it out, but some people are a bit obtuse!

AskingForAPal Tue 26-Apr-16 12:38:45

Unless she's a dick - and it's a bit too soon to say - you should probably assume that she just let her tongue run away with her. IME people who genuinely speak without thinking are often the very same people who will be the most mortified and apologetic when you explain that there's a proper, serious reason why something has happened.

Some people do get very squeamish and react craply, without thinking. So if you can I would give her the benefit of the doubt for now, assume she hasn't even considered that your brace etc has anything to do with your "bendiness", and take her aside for a short direct chat about what you've got and how it affects you. Hopefully she'll go bright red and realise she's been tactless as hell!


DownstairsMixUp Tue 26-Apr-16 12:39:28

SHe was rude, maybe broach the subject later and explain briefly about your condition. She was very insensitive though.

Eeyore86 Tue 26-Apr-16 12:40:58

Thanks for all the replies, I won't post a picture of what I was doing but in short I reached with my left arm out straight it hyper extended and looked like the elbow had bent the wrong way (physio's have told me previously it looks like I have a broken elbow) I can understand her being shocked but quite upset she reacted in that way.

Matt, it isn't something I consciously think about, at times my joints just go into comfortable positions and until I move I don't actually realise.

Will try and catch her later for a brief chat about it, i think she just overrated but all the same I'm not overly happy about it, it isn't the end of the world but a couple of my colleagues from the main office have been to see me to see if I was ok

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