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AIBU to feel hurt for my DH not invited to DS Stag

(87 Posts)
WrinkledlikeAudrey Tue 26-Apr-16 05:00:05

Our DS gets married soon to a great woman and is living with her about 5 hours drive from DH and me in the same town as future DiL's parents and wider family. Her family have made him very welcome and we have met them several times and get on well. DS and fiance are organising their wedding and we have been happy to contribute financially as he is our only DS and we will provide other help where asked.
DS's stag was last weekend and my DH was not asked to join the party by the Best Man (DS's friend from University) who we have met before. However there are now some photos on Facebook that show our DS along with his friends, future BiL and future FiL having a great time. I think I'm pleased he had a great stag but I feel really upset that DH was not invited if future FiL was there.... I'm also dreading telling DH or him seeing FB photos like I did last night.
Even more so as I went to future DiL's Hen which was great fun and a chance to meet other wedding guests ahead of the event.

Ipigglemustdie Tue 26-Apr-16 05:06:05

Yanbu. I would be upset if that was me

totalrecall1 Tue 26-Apr-16 05:35:40

YANBU that is terrible. I am sure your DH will be gutted. Can't you ask your son why he wasn't invited?

totalrecall1 Tue 26-Apr-16 05:36:27

Maybe he just popped in for a drink rather than be invited? And as your DH was so far away they didn't mention it?

TheDowagerCuntess Tue 26-Apr-16 05:50:07

Wow, how odd. He invited his FIL, but not his own Dad...?

MattDillonsPants Tue 26-Apr-16 05:54:46

OP is there any history of difficulties with your DH and DS? Have they always had a good relationship?

MyLocal Tue 26-Apr-16 06:02:46

I am sad for him too, are you sure he wasn't invited directly and declined but didn't tell you in case you made him feel like he should go?

If he wasn't invited this is really really bad of them.

GrinAndTonic Tue 26-Apr-16 06:06:42

I would find out if FIL was actually invited. Most men I know would not want their fathers at the stag party. I know my DM and DMIL were not invited to mine.

Lunar1 Tue 26-Apr-16 06:15:05

That's terrible, I'd be gutted for him too.

LarrytheCucumber Tue 26-Apr-16 06:15:54

Happened to my DH too. I was upset. Turned out it was a misunderstanding and DS thought DH wouldn't want to go. (We only lived 6 miles apart so in some ways it seems worse). 14 years on all is forgiven and forgotten. Don't let it spoil your future relationship. I was not invited to DDiL's hen do either, but her DM went. I now have good relationship with DiL.

Rebecca2014 Tue 26-Apr-16 06:18:26

Men choosing their wife family over their own,nothing new there.

WrinkledlikeAudrey Tue 26-Apr-16 06:36:37

Hey thanks for your replies, this is my first post so I wasn't sure how it would go.
The FB photos are in a restaurant, two pubs and a club and FIL is in all so looks like he was invited. FIL is really nice guy and local so I guess it makes sense that he went. I think it's the no invite (so far as I know) that makes me feel so sad.
MatDillonsPants - DH and DS get on, DS is a bit more heart on the sleeve and has really taken to DiL's family, but DH and I supported him through some difficult years and are incredibly proud of his acheivements. He still visits with DiL to be and we have stayed with them too.

My local - I think he wasn't invited as DH and I talked about it after I got back from DiL's Hen and we thought as others have said, that fathers wouldn't be invited.

With the wedding so close I'm also worried that asking DS could lead to more stress - I really don't want to be interfering DM or MiL! Though I think I'm going to have to speak to him just to check out my assumptions...

I don't think I behaved so badly at Hen that I disgraced "this side" of the family confused

curren Tue 26-Apr-16 06:41:05

The fact that you were invited to the hen do, suggests to me something has gone wrong rather than your dh was excluded.

Speak to your ds, tell him his dad his hurt he wasn't invited. Or tell DH too. And get it sorted.

I doubt your ds has done it on purpose.

Wanderingwondering Tue 26-Apr-16 06:46:34

I was going to say yabu until you said that the fil was invited.
I would mention it to your son in a 'what's done is done but your father was disappointed' kind of way and then move on, hopefully with son being more thoughtful in the future

WrinkledlikeAudrey Tue 26-Apr-16 06:50:39

You're right I do need to speak to DS, I'm hoping now that there's been some misunderstanding. I was invited by Bridesmaid (Dil's SiL) organising Hen who I've met a few times, maybe Best Man didn't think about DH as we're further away.

newmumwithquestions Tue 26-Apr-16 06:53:50

Was the brides mother at the hen do? If not then it's possible that they just thought it would be nice to invite IL's as a bonding experience but not immediate parents?
Or maybe there was something being planned for the stag do (strip club?) that they decided your DH would be really uncomfortable with. Either way prob best to mention it as these things can fester.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Tue 26-Apr-16 06:54:21

Is there any point bringing it up?

WrinkledlikeAudrey Tue 26-Apr-16 06:58:04

newmum with questions - Bride's Mum was at Hen too. I think DH would be OK with more racy venues though maybe DS would be uncomfortable as he is DM's husband!

WellErrr Tue 26-Apr-16 07:02:58

I thought YWBU too until I saw that FIL was there.

Narp Tue 26-Apr-16 07:06:59

I disagree with some posters

It would not correct to tell your son that his dad was disappointed, because he doesn't know.

I'd tell your DH and let him deal with it, in whatever way he sees fit


Tell your DS you are disappointed

NeedsAsockamnesty Tue 26-Apr-16 07:11:44

I expect you will discover that the best man didn't invite any parents (as can be the norm when they anticipate serious drunken events) but the FIL due to being local got wind of it and made it hard not to have him along.

Not in a unplesant way it's something people who think they should be coming to events often just do

hairymelonwalton Tue 26-Apr-16 07:12:58

i would ask your son about it not in a confronting way but i think you need to know why he never invited him and he should know he hurt his dads feelings

Ditsy4 Tue 26-Apr-16 07:19:48

I would just let it go completely. DH doesn't know and you don't want any falling out before the wedding. If he finds out before the wedding deal with it then. Yes, he might feel a bit disappointed. I thought it odd to think he would be invited until I saw FIL was or did he just turn up and tag along!

WrinkledlikeAudrey Tue 26-Apr-16 07:24:46

I'm really glad I posted it has helped me to feel that it's not surprising I'm upset and to think about how to deal with it.
It's also been helpful to have some alternative thoughts such as needsasockamensty suggestions.
I shall talk to DH, then if he's Ok with it I'll phone DS after work, probably better to speak than text or email, and find out what happened in a non-confrontational way.

acasualobserver Tue 26-Apr-16 07:30:32

I think you are taking the right approach in telling your husband and phoning your son. It's not surprising that you feel upset but, obviously, reserve judgement until you've heard your son's perspective.

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