To be angry with this person?

(15 Posts)
WhatTheFrog Tue 26-Apr-16 03:18:29

This particular close relative has no income and various mental health illnesses. Never had a stable partner, but a string of good for nothing alcoholic/ drug using / severely depressed/ abusive partners (she's vulnerable and therefore attracts these types.) She has in the past asked me for handouts. I haven't given her money because I fear she'd become reliant on me and I have my own family to look after. She's resorted to food banks at times. Sometimes she struggles to look after herself...long bouts of depression, then extreme highs and lows requiring medication. She has no family/friend support where she lives (I'm in a different country) and she has just announced that she's 7 months pregnant. I feel nothing but anger right now that she's been so deliberately irresponsible and feels happy to bring a precious life into the world when she has no help or means to look after it. Am I being unreasonable to feel this? The word "congratulations" didn't enter my head! I want to (and will) be supportive as best I can, but I'm just so angry right now. She's 46...and says she has a right to be a mum. I guess it's her only chance, but still. I can only hope the baby won't end up in the care system!

Canyouforgiveher Tue 26-Apr-16 03:34:32

I wouldn't want to congratulate her in these circumstances either. But you know what...not your monkey, not your circus.

Let her at it. who knows,it might work out better than you think. either way you can't control any of it so just let it go.

FastWindow Tue 26-Apr-16 04:13:21

She's your sister. Isnt she?

WhatTheFrog Tue 26-Apr-16 04:38:48

No, and it's not a guessing game. She's a very close cousin. She lives overseas but we talk a lot, and I try to give her advice. Well, she asks for advice, about men usually, but never takes it.

DropYourSword Tue 26-Apr-16 04:57:42

It sounds like she's an extremely vulnerable person leading a pretty bad life. I wonder how exactly you would expect her to manage her contraception so efficiently, especially as you particularly mention she hooks up with 'bad' types. This woman needs your help, not your anger.

PinkheartsPinkfarts Tue 26-Apr-16 05:01:12

A child will make everything worse for her and the child, if only she knew this.

WhatTheFrog Tue 26-Apr-16 05:19:17

Dropyoursword, she managed it well enough to get to 46 before falling pregnant.

WhatTheFrog Tue 26-Apr-16 05:21:41

Pinkhearts, I only hope it gives her a kick in the ass to sort herself out!

DropYourSword Tue 26-Apr-16 05:26:51

I was thinking the same OP. So she's actually done pretty well in the circumstances.

WhatTheFrog Tue 26-Apr-16 05:29:04

I think I am being unreasonable to feel so angry. I guess she can't help how she feels and what she wants from life. It's just such a sad lifestyle for her, never mind a baby. I'm not sure exactly how I can help though, as I'm far away, and my words of advice fall on deaf ears.

DropYourSword Tue 26-Apr-16 05:32:17

Actually sorry OP I just assumed she conceived accidentally. Was she actually trying for a baby? Either way I don't think anger would help her, but I'd understand your angle more!

WhatTheFrog Tue 26-Apr-16 05:38:46

I assumed she was trying from comments she made, but I could also be incorrectly reading between the lines.

WhatTheFrog Tue 26-Apr-16 05:42:29

I shall give her a ring later on and offer my support and just bite my enraged tongue. Not much else I can do for now.

MyLocal Tue 26-Apr-16 06:05:59

Does she live in the uk or does she live in the other country? Just thinking ahead for support services available to her.

LaContessaDiPlump Tue 26-Apr-16 06:24:14

I'd share your concern but unfortunately there's not much you can do except make an effort to support her.

Sorry op, it sounds stressful flowers

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