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Teacher 'angry' with DS (5) today, re: him 'losing' stuff.

(73 Posts)
ThunderButt Mon 25-Apr-16 23:46:28

DS 'lost' a brand new jumper two weeks ago. It was out of the packet in the morning, gone by afternoon. Named of course.

I was quite annoyed by this - would not have been bothered if it hadn't been brand new - so asked his teacher to keep an eye out. His school fleece then went missing off his peg a last week. I put a note in his home school book last week asking for his teacher to keep an eye out again but neither items showed up.

DS then forgot to bring his coat home on Friday (he goes to afterschool club off site on that day so I couldn't look for it at the school).

This morning I put another note in his home school book asking them to remind DS to find his coat as we were runnig out of them! and also to ask if they could put a note in the home school books (they do a general note weekly) asking parents to check their DC's name labels as I fear DS's jumper and fleece must have been taken home by mistake - although there were no unclaimed ones left in return hmm. Not too unreasonable a request I thought.

DS came out this afternoon quite upset as his teacher was 'angry' at him for me putting a note in his home school book about it and telling him off in front of the class for 'losing' his things. Teacher did not acknowledge my note either.

Parents drop off and pick up at the gate and are not allowed in the classroom so a note in his home school book is the usual communication. I did apologise in the note for making extra work although it would just be an extra line in the general note.

Both the jumper and fleece (on his peg) went missing from his classroom so they were not 'lost' to my mind.

WIBU to tell the teacher that I do not appreciate her being angry at DS and it is not his fault if another kid picked up his stuff! He is not a PFB and I have been though the losing stuff with 3 older DC (still am at secondary) and I am done with it. He is 5 and I expect him to forget things but I also expect them not to disappear.

Am I supposed to just suck up the loss of a brand new jumper and a fleece jacket?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Mon 25-Apr-16 23:54:06

Hold on You his parent put a note in his bag. YDNBU to be pissed off in a major way. I think any mother would be, and please don't use the phrase PFB.. It's like you're apologsing for wanting the best for your child. All children are precious, abs so what if you're protective over your child. It's called being a mum.

PPie10 Mon 25-Apr-16 23:55:02

I too would be irritated with all these notes and expecting to keep looking for his stuff. He isn't the only child she needs to see to.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Mon 25-Apr-16 23:56:49

Sorry too busy moaning and ranting, therefore. I forgot to say. YDNBU for being angry that the teacher got angry with your DS but I think you know my feelings from my initial post

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Mon 25-Apr-16 23:58:00

Yes, but Pie. She shouldn't take it out on a child. He didn't write the note

Jobseekernightmare Tue 26-Apr-16 00:05:55

If you take 20 soldiers on exercise you make sure they pick everything up, and things left behind don't just 'go missing' they are bloody obvious, so this IS a supervision error.

The teacher us an utter arse for being annoyed at your child for asking him to do his fucking obvious job. Does he know he is looking after children ffs?

Missing items from pegs is bad news as are items being left behind but disappearing, so of course you would ask supervisory people to keep vigilant. If they are offended by this, they are twatty ego people and not suitable for teaching(and maybe hiding their inadequacy).


ilovesooty Tue 26-Apr-16 00:10:45

What Pie said. And he forgot to bring his coat home on the Friday.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 26-Apr-16 00:11:41

He's 5 years old, Sooty.

SpaceDinosaur Tue 26-Apr-16 00:13:31

You're not being PFB
You are communicating with the class teacher in accordance with the school's policy
The teacher has upset your son as a direct result of your communication. (Absolutely not a criticism, just stating the facts)
The problem is the teachers, not yours.
I would write another note but also email a copy of it to the school office/head but get formal.

In accordance with the school's parent teacher communication policy, I am again sending "a note in the book bag"
This is in addition to my previous 3 notes of the past 7 days.

I do not expect detailed acknowledgment for every communication. My son has had 2 brand new items of named clothing disappear within school this past 7 days and I would like them to be returned.

I appreciate that 5 year old children occasionally loose items but 2 brand new fully named items disappearing within a week is not acceptable. His fleece coat was apparently on his peg. No matter where it was, named clothing should not be able to disappear.

My son came home very upset today. In his words he was "told off in front of the class because mummy sent in notes" and that you are "angry because he lost things"
Of course this is a report from a 5yr old child. I am concerned that he believes you are angry with him but would appreciate your point of view.

I apologise that I asked you to remind him to bring his coat home. But with his jumper and fleece now missing, my son is running out of warm clothes.

I await your response, I have also Emailed a copy on this "note" to the school office for record.


The notes are one thing OP but a teacher taking out her frustration on a 5yr old is not on.

ilovesooty Tue 26-Apr-16 00:15:17

I do agree the teacher's feelings shouldn't be communicated to a 5 year old. My point was that the OP didn't imply the coat had gone missing in the same way as the jumper and the fleece but perhaps I got that wrong.

I'd be irritated with a parent who made comments about running out of coats though.

midcenturymater Tue 26-Apr-16 00:33:57

Yanbu. It's labelled. It was on a peg. Teacher needs to intervene to try and work out what happened.

sleeponeday Tue 26-Apr-16 00:36:03

I don't blame teachers for finding parents irritating. I don't even blame them for finding kids irritating. I do blame them for telling a child off in front of the entire class because the child's parent has irritated them.

Bonus points for the child being five, and the parent following school policy in the means of communication, anyway.


Cressandra Tue 26-Apr-16 00:50:37

You need a proper form of communication with the teacher. 5 year olds do view the world through their own particular prism - I'm not for a second suggesting he's lying but they do put a unique spin on things sometimes.

Also has anyone checked his PE bag, neighbouring pegs, floor... I've stopped chasing individual jumpers these days but they all come back in a week or so.

MattDillonsPants Tue 26-Apr-16 02:16:13

OP get a bit more proactive. You need to go INTO school in the morning or at pickup and physically go into the classroom and cloakrooms and look for his things yourself before asking the teacher for help.

It's lazy to just stick notes in his book. SHe was BU to tell him off but YOU were BU to not look with DS yourself. They will have a lost property box and you should look in any rooms DS goes in. Assembly hall etc.

THEN ask the school to put a note out to other parents.

Baconyum Tue 26-Apr-16 02:24:25

YANBU she shouldn't have taken it up with a 5 yr old boy, but you need to be sure that's exactly what happened first.

BUT yabu to expect her to keep track of the whole classes property, she's enough to do. I'm sure the school has a lost property box, plus you could ask other parents to keep an eye out in case their child has accidentally grabbed your sons things.

Have you spoken with your son about the missing things? Has he looked properly?

Ickythumpsmum Tue 26-Apr-16 02:37:13

jobseek a class of 5 year olds is probably more like 20 drunk soldiers on a night out. You can't think keeping track of 30 5 year olds things is the same as 20 adults trained to be neat and tidy.

Have a look in the school lost property. It's possible your kid left the things in a little corner in the playground, the cafeteria, music room, sports hall, art room, or somewhere else. Eventually they will make their way to lost property.

The teacher can't keep track of 30 kids sweaters and teach ŵell. The teaching bit is the priority and if they spend 10 mins x 30 kids looking for lost items at the rate little ones lose things, that's a real waste of time.

Saying that, I know exactly the kind of teacher you mean - telling your child off because they don't like your note. I'm sure they won't be so cheeky to your face. You need to speak directly to them to check the procedure, and let on you know what happened.

ValancyJane Tue 26-Apr-16 02:54:16

If the teacher did tell the student off in that way, then YANBU. But it could be that the teacher passed comment on it, ie "I cant believe you've lost that nice new jumper, what are we going to do with you hey..." type way. I'd try to find out what was said before I complained.

Tezza1 Tue 26-Apr-16 02:57:40

As an ex-teacher, the school is setting itself up for real problems - that method of communication is so cumbersome. A quick verbal exchange would have nipped it in the bud, and that one discussion would probably have solved the problem. Once people start writing notes, misunderstandings and misinterpretations creep in. I can remember receiving a letter addressed to "Dear Madam" and finding it slightly offensive (after all, the parent knew my name). My principal pointed out in that in that particular mother's eyes, that was probably being extremely polite.

And, yes, the teacher is being completely unreasonable. Your son is five, for goodness sake, and, at that age, needs to be watched and guided constantly.

OzzieFem Tue 26-Apr-16 06:28:42

You don't know what the teacher actually said unless you ask her. It's possible she mentioned to the entire class that your son has lost these three items, and requested that they all check their clothes when they get home, to see if they have your sons items. Children do not always listen to the words actually spoken and can interpret them differently.

OrangeSquashTallGlass Tue 26-Apr-16 06:50:58

I'm sorry, I don't have anything helpful to add because I can't get over a class of 5 year old being compared to a group of 20 soldiers!


Euphemia Tue 26-Apr-16 07:03:52

The teacher was unreasonable to be "angry" with him. But it's not her job to keep track of children's possessions. Even in a class of 25 with ten items per child, that's 250 items!

I teach in a small school. Fewer than 80 pupils. You should see our lost property box! shock

Children need to learn to take responsibility for their own stuff, including making sure they take the correct coat at the end of the day.

I would speak to her, though, as anger wasn't the correct response on her part.

Jobseekernightmare Tue 26-Apr-16 07:04:13

Um all soldiers gear is camouflaged, and it's way more stuff than an obvious coat and fleece left behind in a classroom.

Anyway, I remember vividly a teacher who teased me for a whole year because my mum contacted him, so I.know teachers can take their exposure out on the kids.

Jobseekernightmare Tue 26-Apr-16 07:05:53

Eh? If you pick up a named item of clothing from one class at the end of the day do you really put it in the school lost property without returning it to the child named?? What's the point if naming things??

TheSolitaryBoojum Tue 26-Apr-16 07:06:27

I'm a teacher, YANBU and the teacher is.
Yes, I've taught reception, it's like herding cats. The first time I saw one of them handing out jumpers from the box to the correct child, I was surprised as he couldn't read.
He was identifying each jumper by smell, and the child was checking that he was right by smell too.
'It's life, Jim. But not as we know it' grin

BalloonSlayer Tue 26-Apr-16 07:07:32

You need to be very careful to make sure you don't end up looking like a loon.

"Disappeared" from a five year old can mean "I didn't look where I was hanging it, and hung it on the wrong peg. At home time it wasn't on MY peg and therefore it has disappeared."

If you go into his classroom/cloakroom all the stuff is probably still there.

I think you need to politely ask at the office if you can get a chance to go in and have a look.

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