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Am I being unreasonable to put my foot down with DP's mother?

(23 Posts)
Keely93 Mon 25-Apr-16 21:23:08

I'm usually a lurker on this site, I don't often post, but could do with the input.
I'm in my second trimester of pregnancy and have been discussing names with my partner and we've settled on a girls and a boys name, as we don't know what it is. My DP's mother has made it VERY clear that she doesn't like the boys name. Because it will have my dad's name as a middle name and not her husbands. It will have his last name. And if it is a girl it will have her mother's name as a middle name. Dp is more than happy with the arrangement, as his father's name is my ex's name who is the father of my DD, he said it would feel a bit too awkward, there's nothing nasty between them, just said he's feel awkward about it. DP's father has also said he's fine with it as it will have his last name and not my families. This is me trying to give respect to my father(who is a step dad and raised me when he didn't have to, and even now my mum and him are divorcing continually has something to do with me and is always there for me). This has all been explained but she keeps going on about it. Am I being unreasonable to stick to OUR decision as a couple? My mum isn't getting involved herself so why should she??
By the way I usually get on very well with her. And apologies for the long post!

PPie10 Mon 25-Apr-16 21:25:50

Yanbu, you need to stop explaining this to her. By doing so you are telling her that her opinion matters regarding this. Just don't discuss it anymore, name the baby with your chosen name and just ignore her.

PPie10 Mon 25-Apr-16 21:25:56

Yanbu, you need to stop explaining this to her. By doing so you are telling her that her opinion matters regarding this. Just don't discuss it anymore, name the baby with your chosen name and just ignore her.

misskatamari Mon 25-Apr-16 21:26:15

Yanbu. I would stop discussing names with anyone but your dh though, as people always have opinions, and it can be really annoying. We didn't tell anyone the names we chose until we had our two dcs for exactly this reason. People are much less likely to criticise when you've actually named the baby once it's born.

It's your baby, and you and DHs choice what to name it, no-one else's opinion should count. Just ignore!

EatShitDerek Mon 25-Apr-16 21:26:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Mon 25-Apr-16 21:28:21


100% your choice. Don't discuss it.

Esspee Mon 25-Apr-16 21:32:44

Your DP's mother needs to be told firmly and politely that the two of you have made a decision and it is not up for debate. If she continues to make comments just repeat the statement. Don't be drawn into a conversation about it and she will eventually give Up.

tibbawyrots Mon 25-Apr-16 21:36:35

Opinions are like arseholes. Everyone's got one but you don't have to keep shoving yours in peoples faces.

2rebecca Mon 25-Apr-16 21:42:07

Don't discuss names with people who might feel they get an opinion on them until after the birth when you announce the name. Refuse to discuss the matter with her again and keep away from her if she's bringing it up a lot.

Oysterbabe Mon 25-Apr-16 21:43:06

Too late now but stuff like this is why you don't tell anyone the name until the child is born and has been given the name. Otherwise you always get comments like
"oh my friends' dog is called that"
"I know someone with that name. He's a cunt"

mrsmeerkat Mon 25-Apr-16 21:44:27

the only way to deal with this is not to engage with he at all. just jeep saying that you are not deciding until the baby is born. how often do yo see them? can you cut back ?

Topseyt Mon 25-Apr-16 21:44:32

Tell her to butt out. Name your baby as you want to.

Why do you need to discuss these things with her? It gives her ammunition.

ifcatscouldtalk Mon 25-Apr-16 21:44:50

I'd say it's not up for discussion. I really wish i hadn't discussed names when i was expecting my dd.

PotteringAlong Mon 25-Apr-16 21:47:54

This is why you don't mention the babies name until they are born. Just stop discussing it.

DoJo Mon 25-Apr-16 21:48:59

This is why we didn't discuss any names until after our kids were born - you can dislike a name in theory, but turning up your nose at it once it's attached to a real baby is MUCH harder.

CodyKing Mon 25-Apr-16 21:49:24

I'd wind her up and say you've reconsidered and are naming him


Oh I'd enjoy watching her face

WonderingAspie Mon 25-Apr-16 22:07:26

YANBU. Do what I do with my DCs when they keep arguing back firmly say "I've said X, y and z and now the discussion is over" and walk away. It works, it shuts them down. Don't know if it would work on an adult though.

The name of a child has nothing to do with anyone except the mother and father of that child. Unfortunately you can probably expect more of the same once the baby is here if she is that opinionated. Ignore ignore ignore and carry on doing things your own way. Thankfully your DP is on your side!

Keely93 Mon 25-Apr-16 22:07:55

CodyKing I might try engelburt. It's a beautiful name ;) and okay, no longer up for discussion, I'm just glad I'm not being unreasonable! Thanks for the responses!

timemaychangeme Mon 25-Apr-16 22:53:23

YANBU at all. You and your dp have chosen the names and that's the end of the matter. As others have said, if she starts up about it again, I'd say you aren't going to talk about it any more. If she tries to argue just keep repeating that.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Mon 25-Apr-16 23:01:43

When she's the one going through the labour she can do the naming.

WhoseBadgerIsThis Mon 25-Apr-16 23:08:43

You're totally not being unreasonable - in fact you are being super reasonable in that you're honouring both dads, and they are both happy with it! Ignore her and be happy with your name choice.

Inertia Mon 25-Apr-16 23:16:28

This why only the expectant parents should discuss the baby's name!

I'd be inclined to tell her that you're not going to include any names of relatives as it's become too wearing- and that includes baby's last name, you're all going to just make one up.

Allalonenow Mon 25-Apr-16 23:17:29

This is why it is always better to keep silent about the name you are going to use. Once the baby has arrived, simply tell everyone the child's name.

You are a grown up now, you no longer need any adult to approve of your choice, or to give you "permission" for your actions, that is what being grown up means.

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