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WIBU to think that this comment from a colleague was jerkish?

(53 Posts)
WhoseBadgerIsThis Mon 25-Apr-16 20:23:10

This is really not much compared with many of the horrible work situations I've read about on here, but I'm doubting myself and would like the collective wisdom and bluntness of mumsnet to tell me if I over-reacted or not. Thanks!

So, I got new and very different specs at the weekend (old ones were thin metal half frames; new ones are thick brown plastic ones). I am told they suit me, and they certainly seem similar to ones that look good on other people. I have zero sense of style though, so a) I wouldn't have a clue if they look ok and b) I am quite sensitive about my not-exactly stylish persona.

Colleague in question is a work-friend, but has form for blunt/dickish comments (depending on how charitably you want to read them), such as joking that I'm "pathetic" whenever I catch the latest cold doing the rounds, or laughing at some item I'm wearing (twice - not all the time). So, first thing today he walks past and comments that I have new specs, and that they look "[dramatic pause]... interesting [dramatic pause]". If you can imagine someone saying "interesting" as in "fashion disaster" that's how I read his comment. I nod and smile and get on with my day. Later on he asks if these are the glasses I am wearing permanently now (he knows I always wear glasses all the time, so I have no idea what that question was getting at), and then when I say yes, he repeats the "interesting" comment. I reply that if he has nothing nice to say, then to say nothing at all, and I walk away.

So, WIBU to take his comment as a jibe? If I wasn't BU, how could I have handled it better? Should I have said something the first time he did it, on the grounds that it's better to say something first off, rather than say nothing for ages then explode when the last straw is one too many (I do this, and need to learn not to).

Blimey that was long, sorry!

SlinkyVagabond Mon 25-Apr-16 20:26:16

He's a twat. Nothing more nothing less.

ChemistryHunt Mon 25-Apr-16 20:26:18

I would take that as a dig. Basically he found a way to repeat his earlier comment, presumably because you hadn't risen to it.

No need for nasty comments at work. Is he like this with other people?

TheBakeryQueen Mon 25-Apr-16 20:26:23

I saw some quote on FB today that said, 'if you've got nothing nice to say then fuck off and be a cunt somewhere else'.
Or something along those lines.
Fitting here I think.

ChemistryHunt Mon 25-Apr-16 20:26:28

I would take that as a dig. Basically he found a way to repeat his earlier comment, presumably because you hadn't risen to it.

No need for nasty comments at work. Is he like this with other people?

honeysucklejasmine Mon 25-Apr-16 20:26:40

I'd be speaking to HR about his bullying behaviour.

ChemistryHunt Mon 25-Apr-16 20:27:00

Don't know why that posted twice blush

Meow75 Mon 25-Apr-16 20:27:40

I think I would favour - Oh, do fuck off with your supposedly mysterious comments. It's just boring now!!

carabos Mon 25-Apr-16 20:28:39

He's trying to get your attention. It's an ineffective courtship ritual. He's still 12.

StillRunningWithScissors Mon 25-Apr-16 20:28:52

Well, my thinking is that the first time he said it was a joke. If you'd called him on it then, he'd have claimed you were being too sensitive. (Not rightly, just guessing he is one of those types).

Him coming by later, asking if they were permanent (FFS), was him trying to get the rise out of you he didn't get before. I think you were quite restrained in your reply.

Bet the glasses look great!

inthesink Mon 25-Apr-16 20:29:40

Quickly name changed for this to avoid the risk of outing myself.

We had a recent problem at work that someone was pooping in the sink. Not a smear but a whole poop!


Cabrinha Mon 25-Apr-16 20:30:21

What an arsehole!
Yes, he was being deliberately mean.

Firstly, do not let it make you doubt how you look. He'd have taken the opportunity to be mean wherever you had chosen. He's like the self appointed cutting wit hmm in every office who makes the tired old "which hairdresser? I'll help you get your money back" type comment.

If it's low level and directed at everyone not bullying an individual, with that sort of prick I'd always smile and say "yes! I thought they were interesting too, they look great, I really like them" brightly, and walk off like he messed up trying to be mean.

Or I might laugh and say "are you really making personal comments?"

If it's more frequent or directed at individuals specifically, I'd go to your manager or HR for a chat.

RoboticSealpup Mon 25-Apr-16 20:30:30

Yes, he was openly being a disrespectful jerk straight to your face. The only person being U here is he. Your reaction sounds entirely reasonable, considering his history of jerkishness.

Bloody hell what a silly idiot, who died and made him Gok Wan?

WhoseBadgerIsThis Mon 25-Apr-16 20:31:36

Oh wow, thanks - I honestly thought I was at fault for not politely saying "that's out of line" the first time, and thus allowing him to think it was ok. I think he genuinely does think of me as a friend, but is the kind of person who believes in banter (eurgh!) and that you can be blunter with your friends than with strangers (why it's ok to upset your friends in the name of friendship I do not know!).

So how do a learn to be more assertive so that I tell people to knock it off the first time, and thus don't have to put up with it the second time?

I love mumsnet smile

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 25-Apr-16 20:33:27

Thanks for the info inthesink, not sure it's relevant though.

OP I suppose I'd have gone for "yes, I'm very pleased with them" accompanied by a beaming smile. If he says anything tomorrow, I'd say "Are you upset I didn't come to you for style advice?". He sounds like a twat.

WhoseBadgerIsThis Mon 25-Apr-16 20:34:06

Cabrinha - I love that line, I'm so trying that if he makes another jerkish comment!

WhoseBadgerIsThis Mon 25-Apr-16 20:36:20

TestingTestingWonTooFree - Ohh, I like that line too!

inthesink - there was a rumour where I used to work of a poop done in the dishwasher!!

inthesink Mon 25-Apr-16 20:37:34

Sorry wrong thread!

WhoseBadgerIsThis Mon 25-Apr-16 20:43:01

No worries! What thread should it have been on though, because it sounds intriguing!

WhoseBadgerIsThis Mon 25-Apr-16 20:48:39

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate all your replies, then have cheered me up no end!

WhoseBadgerIsThis Mon 25-Apr-16 20:49:38

"they have cheered me up no end" - my typing as sadly as pants as ever smile

inthesink Mon 25-Apr-16 20:50:47

In AIBU the sanitary disposal bin one (can't link on phone). I'm nota poo troll honest grin

WhoseBadgerIsThis Mon 25-Apr-16 20:52:54

Ace - I shall take my poo stories over there and join in smile

JuxtapositionRecords Mon 25-Apr-16 20:54:38

God he sounds like a right arse. He is trying to get you to bite and rise to him. I would ignore him but speak to someone senior about him. Don't give him the satisfaction of getting annoyed.

PortiaCastis Mon 25-Apr-16 20:56:54

What a dick, who does he think he is. My retort would be along the lines of
Yes my eyewear is interesting but the trouble is I can now see peoples imperfections that previously eluded me. Then stare at the rude twat

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