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To not be sure if I should pay all the money or make ex pay half?

(20 Posts)
FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Mon 25-Apr-16 18:19:27

A few years ago when my ex and I were still together my DSis lent us the money for a rental deposit on a house, a not insubstantial £1000.

I've recently started paying my DSis back and she mentioned that actually, my ex owes her half the money and I owe half.

Thing is, I'm fairly sure that ex has no intention of ever paying her back. I have already had to repay several outstanding debts that he built up and he pays no maintainance for our dc's so I'm 99% sure that if we agree he owes half she will never get that £500 back. I'm only working part time atm as I'm also studying so I really can't afford to lose an extra £500 but I feel bad that my DSis has essentially lost money by being a good sister and helping us out. Should I repay it all? Aibu?

LettingAgentNightmare Mon 25-Apr-16 18:21:03

She's your sister. I would never let my sister miss out of £500 of her money. She wouldn't have lent it to him on his own, she lent it to you as a couple because you are her sister.

CantWaitForWarmWeather Mon 25-Apr-16 18:29:33

I'm not really sure how you could make him pay it tbh. I'm assuming there was no contract or anything stating that you owe her half and he owes her half.
Technically even you could refuse to pay her back- I know you won't though because she's your sister and you don't sound like the type of person to lend money and not pay it back.
Is he on good terms with your family? If he isn't then I can see why he wouldn't be keen to give her any money.
And I agree with a pp who said that she only lent you the money as a couple because you are her sister, and that she wouldn't have lent the money if it was just him on his own. That money was to benefit you and he just happened to benefit from it as your partner.

MaidOfStars Mon 25-Apr-16 18:41:22

I would repay all for the reasons above. She didn't lend it to him.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 25-Apr-16 18:51:26

Yes he owes it but I think you need to guarantee it.

QueenArseClangers Mon 25-Apr-16 18:56:45

Why isn't he paying for his DC?

MaryPopped Mon 25-Apr-16 18:59:10

I suppose it depends on your sister's financial situation and your relationship. Big picture, I really wouldn't miss £500, but she definitely would. I would be mortified if she were skimping and scraping to pay me back for a loan after she's also had the misfortune of being in a relationship with a douchebag. i think technically he owes half but morally you do as she wouldn't have lent to him without your connection but practically, it sounds like she's asking you to stop trying to bail him out.

ChemistryHunt Mon 25-Apr-16 18:59:44

I would repay to make sure my sister didn't loose out. However I think if I was the sister who lent the money I would ask for half back only (unless I was in dire need).

Your ex should pay half, that would be the correct thing to do, but from your post I doubt you would get it from him.

It's wrong for you to have to pay his debts but I couldn't see my family go without.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Mon 25-Apr-16 19:16:11

Because he's an arsehole Queen? He keeps changing the story about when and why he is or isn't working. It's exhausting trying to keep up with it and I have literally no idea how much is lies and how much is true although I suspect most of it is lies

DSis is not wealthy but she doesn't really need the money. It's been nearly 4 years since she gave it to me and was surprised when I gave her some back recently as she had totally forgotten about it! Not that that really makes a difference as to whether I owe it or not, my gut feeling was that I should give it back to her as even though he borrowed it too he'll almost certainly never give it back.

MamehaSan Mon 25-Apr-16 19:23:37

If it was a rental deposit, you should have got the money back from the landlord when you moved out of the property (in which case, where did it go?), or if you're still living there yourself, then you should pay her back the full amount on the basis that you'll get it back when you move out. Or am I missing something?

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Mon 25-Apr-16 19:31:10

We are not still living there no and unfortunately did not get the rental deposit back due to damage ex caused (punching holes in doors etc).

firawla Mon 25-Apr-16 19:38:42

You should repay it all. I'm sure your sister would understand and give you time but to write off 500 is not really okay, unless she suggests and insists. I'm in the same position with my best friend, but as the lender. I lent her and her dp 1k about a year ago for emergency rent etc, they've since split and the dp is refusing to pay back any of it so my friend will when she can afford, but like you I think it'll take a few years, and that's okay but if she said she wasn't going to pay half back, ever, I doubt I would lend again

Babyroobs Mon 25-Apr-16 19:39:22

If he caused the damage meaning you lost your deposit, he should pay the whole lot. However I doubt he will and as it was a loan between family, I doubt there is any way of making him pay unfortunately.

QueenArseClangers Mon 25-Apr-16 19:41:05

He's a nob, get on to the CM people 💐

chillycurtains Mon 25-Apr-16 19:43:58

Sadly yes you need to repay it all. But you definitely need to pursue getting the correct child maintenance from him.

ChemistryHunt Mon 25-Apr-16 20:14:18

We are not still living there no and unfortunately did not get the rental deposit back due to damage ex caused (punching holes in doors etc).

He should be repaying all of it! However unfortunately selfish arseholes tend not be worry about doing the right thing.

I really feel for you and I think you really do need to get onto the child maintenance people ASAP. Not paying for his children and landing you with bills is disgraceful and he should be able to get away with it!

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Mon 25-Apr-16 20:34:22

I've also had to pay back crisis loans from years ago that he got out in his name. Fucks me off and it isn't fair but I can't physically force him to pay, I don't even know his address and he won't give me his contact number, I have to communicate with him via his gf sad

MissWimpyDimple Mon 25-Apr-16 22:05:03

To me, it sounds like yours sisters way of writing off half of the debt. Which is very nice of her. Obviously if you can, you should probably repay it all but she might just be trying to save you hardship.

MissWimpyDimple Mon 25-Apr-16 22:05:09

To me, it sounds like yours sisters way of writing off half of the debt. Which is very nice of her. Obviously if you can, you should probably repay it all but she might just be trying to save you hardship.

MaryPopped Mon 25-Apr-16 22:10:13

I think you can bring it up with your sister again, and suggest a payment plan or something that you are comfortable with and if she insists it isn't your debt to pay back then drop it.

Honestly, if you were my sister (and you said she isn't hurting for the money) then I would be SOOOO happy that you were out of that relationship and would be trying to get you to STOP PICKING UP AFTER THE MESS HE HAS CAUSED. Why are you paying his other debts? Cut your losses and focus on taking care of yourself and your kids (in the nicest possible way). To me it sounds like she doesn't want you sacrificing your and your dc'd wellbeing and happiness to pay for his fuckwitery.

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