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WIBU to quit

(19 Posts)
PowerofThree Mon 25-Apr-16 11:37:25


First time I have posted in AIBU and it is more of a WIBU. Apologies in advance for the length!

I chair the committee of an activity club (sorry don't want to be too specific). It is quite a large operation and there is always a problem looming to the extent that I now dread going up to the club. It is all voluntary organisation. One of the major issues is relations with a neighbouring organisation who can be particularly difficult and confrontational when crossed.

I am not good at confrontation and last year it was a major part in me being diagnosed with anxiety and mild depression. I wanted to quit but was persuaded to remain and delegated a lot of negotiations. I also did cbt and started trying to do mindfulness.

Now we have reached the point where we need to make a stand and it could get nasty. I can feel myself spiralling again. I have stopped sleeping properly, have nightmares and cried whilst driving to work for no real reason. I have tried to implement cbt and mindfulness techniques but they only seem to help for very short bursts of time.

On the one hand the prospect of quitting makes me feel calm and relaxed. I have other things that I want to do and DH and I have been TTC since the start of year so I am worried about stress (!) On the other hand, I feel that I should learn to cope with anxiety not just hide from it, I feel that it would be a failure to quit mid year (we are elected annually) and I would feel sad to stop with other projects that I have going and believe in, and I feel bad because the rest of the committee also have to deal with work/family/health issues and they aren't quitting.

I am finding it hard to make a rational decision and keep swinging between extremes. So WIBU to leave or should I face up to the situation and deal with it rather than running away because it is hard?

OurBlanche Mon 25-Apr-16 12:15:31

Quit. State that you are stepping down as you have done your stint and now want to focus on your family!

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover Mon 25-Apr-16 12:25:39

Why would you continue doing something (voluntarily) that has such a negative impact on your health?

YOU and your health is the most important thing and if something is having this much of an impact on your personal life then I would quit- sod what anyone else thinks you need to preserve your mental health.

ceebie Mon 25-Apr-16 12:41:27

Life's too short. Quit, but there's no reason you can't continue to remain active within the club if you want to. When you quit, do it in a professional way not an emotional one, as you would in business. "Having given the matter serious consideration over a substantial period of time, it is with regret that I must hand in my notice for the role of..." or something along those lines. Keep your head held high. You could offer to continue to support the club in other ways.

GnomeDePlume Mon 25-Apr-16 12:50:31

There is something about unpaid roles which means that the stress levels can be out of this world. Some people seem to think that the normal rules of behaviour to others which would apply if it was a paid role dont apply to an unpaid role.

If you were talking about a paid role then I would suggest learning to deal with the anxiety. As you are talking about an unpaid role then I do understand how the stress can become unbearable.

ImperialBlether Mon 25-Apr-16 12:58:06

Why don't you send your husband up there next time you're due there to say you won't be coming any more as the work load is just too much for you? That way you don't have to confront anyone or say anything at all - let him do it for you.

facedontfit Mon 25-Apr-16 14:10:42


junebirthdaygirl Mon 25-Apr-16 15:17:50

I took on a voluntary role on a committee in an activity l was really enjoying and l grew to hate that dam club. People cancelled doing things at the last minute and l was left scrabbling around looking for replacements. People were rude with high expectations and critical. It was horrible. I am quitting soon and l have learnt never to do it again. Don't think twice QUIT NOW

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Mon 25-Apr-16 17:14:51

Quit. My former .org put me on ADs because the directors liked to defame people and then run away.

YelloRoses Mon 25-Apr-16 17:23:02

If it was stressing you then i think you werent being unreasonable.
I had a job a couple years ago stressed me out badly i quit then found another with way way better pay and its part time
Im earning more working part time
Im a firm believer in fate
Everything will be ok for u

whois Mon 25-Apr-16 17:26:13

Why would you continue doing something (voluntarily) that has such a negative impact on your health?

^ This

Save your mental energy for things you have to do.

MrsBobDylan Mon 25-Apr-16 17:35:41

I'm less worried about you finding confrontation stressful that the fact you feel the need to carry on with something which is damaging your health.

Quit and don't allow yourself a moment's guilt. That's an order!

MangoBiscuit Mon 25-Apr-16 18:11:51


I also have anxiety. My job was very stressful, lack of training after a slight move (same dept, different team) and colleagues being less than helpful at times trigger a big downwards spiral. I ended up signed off, realised how bad things had gotten, and quit. I felt awful while making the decision, worried I was letting people down, felt like I was giving up too soon, the guilt was awful. Quitting was definitely the right move. Not only did it remove the single biggest source of stress in my life, but it gave me a chance to sort out all the little niggling ones too. I retrained, and I'm now self-employed.

You have every right to put your well-being first. You have done your time, you do not owe them your health.

ForalltheSaints Mon 25-Apr-16 18:36:48

Your health should come first.

Quit and explain why. If the neighbouring organisation is part of a wider group, make sure someone such as their Chief Executive or President knows too.

PowerofThree Mon 25-Apr-16 19:09:30

Sorry I haven't been back on earlier - I have been busy at work which, although I get anxious occasionally, I find much more manageable. I guess there is something in those of you saying that voluntary work can be so much more stressful.

Thank you for your kind comments. The overwhelming 'Quit' was a bit of a shock but it is also a relief to hear people telling me that I can quit and that is ok. It feel so silly to needing to hear people say it but ii does make a difference.

Unfortunately, at the neighbouring organisation it is the president that is the problem and I don't think that there are any bodies that could intervene.

flowers to everyone else is dealing with/has had to deal with stress and anxiety.

newmumwithquestions Mon 25-Apr-16 19:14:48

Quit. And I say this as someone who
normally thinks people should face up to their anxiety. It's a voluntary role. You, your family (and hopefully your family to be) are more important.

VegasIsBest Mon 25-Apr-16 19:35:33

I agree with previous posters. It's a voluntary role - just quit if it's too much.

I know it's hard to walk away from something that's been important to you. And you worry what will happen next. As long as you keep soldering on no one else will step up. If you quit someone will step up if the activity is worth continuing. And if it isn't ....

LanaKane Mon 25-Apr-16 19:43:51

I was on the committee at my local Women's Institute activity club until recently (though not the President) and quit for similar reasons... I feel so much better now and they have easily found another mug someone else to take over. I suffer from anxiety too and it was such a relief once I'd quit that I wondered why I'd carried on for so long! Good luck smile

TiggyD Mon 25-Apr-16 20:38:19

Nothing is more important than your health and family. Quit.

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