to wonder if people can ever change?

(4 Posts)
FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Sun 24-Apr-16 18:15:48

Has anyone on here experienced someone who did actually change their behaviour and stick with it? Particularly in the case of deadbeat dads who are rubbish with their first set of kids but actually step up and manage to be a decent father to subsequent children?

Just wondering if exh will ever actually be a decent father to our dc's, he's had another baby now and I'm curious as to whether or not he will ever actually do as he says he will and be there for them. He seems to be a decent enough father to his new baby but its 6 months and counting since he last saw our dc's.

Am I just kidding myself or AIBU to think it ever happens? Can they ever change? Was anyone on here one of those 'second children' who had a good dad who didn't see older children? Did it ever affect your opinion of him?

MattDillonsPants Sun 24-Apr-16 18:22:09

I'm so sorry. I don't think having another child with a different woman will make a crap Dad see the error of his ways.

I've seen it with a friend of mine. Her ex had a child with her, but left shortly afterwards. They'd been friends since childhood...they had a short relationship...she got pregnant and he left her after the birth. He moved to another country and never got back in touch. While in the other country, he got married and had 2 babies.

When her child was about 6 she tried to get in contact with him as the child was asking about her Dad. He briefly stayed in touch...wrote, sent some money etc. Then moved on again and now never phones.

Don't pin your hopes on this other child making him into a better Dad. Your situation sounds slightly different....as he's obviously been in semi regular contact...but his crapness just illustrates that the woman he's now involved with may find herself in the same position as you at some point.

The best thing you can do is arm your kids against his indifference by instilling self worth in them.xx

MattDillonsPants Sun 24-Apr-16 18:45:16

www.huffingtonpost.com/karen-salmansohn/fathers-who-abandon-their_b_3440623.html

This article gives really good advice on how to deal with it OP. It talks about how to approach it with the children to help them in the best way.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Sun 24-Apr-16 19:41:49

I guess not many people have experienced that people can change then! I'm not holding my breath for it to happen, but I guess I still live in hope that one day he will turn himself around sad

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