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re widowed MIL and wedding ring?

(219 Posts)
lulucappuccino Sun 24-Apr-16 16:48:49

FIL died (relatively young) three weeks ago, after a long illness. MIL isn't a particularly warm person, but they had a long, good marriage.

I noticed that that she's not wearing her wedding ring (not a one-off, it's been several occasions).

She's definitely not on the lookout for another man.

I haven't mentioned this to DH.

I think it's odd. It's absolutely up to her though, of course. Her marriage. Her grief. Her finger!

Just seems a bit odd. I'm being unreasonable to think that though, aren't I?

PPie10 Sun 24-Apr-16 16:50:01

Wow really mind your own business. Why are you even mentioning such a thing to your Dh? Really have you nothing better to pick about than why your grieving mil isn't wearing her ring. Yabvu.

MrsH1989 Sun 24-Apr-16 16:50:17

I would think it strange that she has removed it so soon but suppose it is her business.

VimFuego101 Sun 24-Apr-16 16:51:08

Wow. MYOB. Maybe she finds it very difficult to look at it and be reminded of her marriage right now.

AyeAmarok Sun 24-Apr-16 16:52:06

You don't like your MIL very much, do you?

MissTurnstiles Sun 24-Apr-16 16:52:21

Yes, YABU, but you know that. Grief is very different for many people.

Sorry for your loss; hope your DH is OK flowers. Don't mention anything to him.

DancingDinosaur Sun 24-Apr-16 16:52:33

Jeez. Keep your beak out.

Coconutty Sun 24-Apr-16 16:53:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Sun 24-Apr-16 16:53:45

You'd do well not to mention it to your dh!hmm

Floralnomad Sun 24-Apr-16 16:54:04

Did she wear it all the time when he was still alive ? Either way it's none of your business .

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Sun 24-Apr-16 16:54:39

Grief is odd.

It's possible she's totally fucked off with him for dying. People can act strangely.

Toooldtobearsed Sun 24-Apr-16 16:55:26

I have been married for 38 years. I took my wedding ring off 8 years ago and have not worn it since. It does not mean that I am on the look out, nor that I love DH any the less.
Just leave her be.

PenelopePitstops Sun 24-Apr-16 16:55:34

Did she put it in his coffin?

ilovesooty Sun 24-Apr-16 16:56:17

Yes. YABU.

SilverBirchWithout Sun 24-Apr-16 16:57:31

I've been married over 30 years and don't wear my ring that often.

Not quite sure what the problem is.

Her grief, her choice in how she copes.

Northernlurker Sun 24-Apr-16 16:58:02

Oh do mind your own business!

Are you doing anything to support her or just speculating about her behind her back?

I agree with another poster btw - chances are it's in his coffin. Now do you feel proud of yourself for wondering about it?

lalalalyra Sun 24-Apr-16 16:58:43

Has she lost weight since the loss of her husband? My best friend took off her wedding ring days after her husband died because she'd lost so much weight she was scared of losing.

SilverBirchWithout Sun 24-Apr-16 16:59:28

I wonder whether she has put the 2 rings together some place that is special to them both?

Somerville Sun 24-Apr-16 17:02:38

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

DancingDinosaur Sun 24-Apr-16 17:03:12

I expect she would be delighted to know of all the online speculating that you have created about her grief op. Maybe you should show her the thread and get her to pick which answer is correct to satisfy your curiosity. hmm

catsrus Sun 24-Apr-16 17:05:26

My mother removed her wedding ring when she lost her engagement ring due to weight loss after my dad died - it slipped off her finger. I told her she could get it made smaller but she was very pragmatic about it. She no longer had a husband so was no longer married so it wasn't important to wear one. Not a big deal for her or me to be honest.

Maryz Sun 24-Apr-16 17:06:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timelytess Sun 24-Apr-16 17:07:11

She might be angry with him for leaving her. She might feel that now he's not here she isn't married any more. Poor woman.

When my marriage was ending, I couldn't wear my ring. Every time I put it on, the skin under it became sore and inflamed. This went on for months. I'd stopped wearing it altogether before we actually split. I am convinced it was psychosomatic, and that if we'd been happy I'd have been able to wear it. Maybe she's lost weight or the skin is sore. Or the weight of her ring reminds her of her loss. Or as suggested above, it might have gone in his coffin.

My dad, the most undemonstrative of husbands in his youth, had a single red rose placed in my mother's coffin, because he bought her a red rose on the night they met.

Herewegoagainfolks Sun 24-Apr-16 17:07:15

YAB sooooo U

She is entitled to grieve in her own way.

Perhaps the ring was buried with him.

Perhaps the sure if it distresses her

Perhaps she's lost weight in her grief

Perhaps she has never liked it and only wore it to please him.

Perhaps she's having it reset with some of his ashes

Either way - not your business and I can't believe you'd add to you DH's distress by commenting on it.

Maryz Sun 24-Apr-16 17:07:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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