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Am I wrong to feel this way about it?

(124 Posts)
Pixienott0005 Sun 24-Apr-16 16:27:11

This is my first post regarding in law troubles so please go gentle as there have been lots on here where people get annoyed, from what I've gathered. Hear me out....

I usually have a good relationship with them both. When my son was born 2 years ago there were a few issues with them 'stepping on my toes'so to speak. We've managed to over come some of those issues gradually.

In June both of our families are going on a 10 day cruise (mine and dp family). My parents and my brother and dp parents and his brother and his wife.

We have a 2.5 hour coach journey down to Dover to depart for the cruise. My mother in law has a backpack for my son full of snacks and toys from her house that she said she is taking on the coach trip for him to keep him amused. She just announced earlier this week that she's got a few more bits to get for his bag. When I questioned what she meant she said oh I'm taking a bag for him, it's nearly packed ive got this and that she was explaining, and she has just got to get this toy she's seen and it'll be done. This has made me feel a little, well, annoyed if I am honest and a bit shocked. The fact she has got a bag for him and is taking her own toys and snacks for him to keep him amused is like, huh. Does she not think that me or dp will be doing that, of course we will.

It's really annoyed me to be honest. My parents would never do that or if they did theyd say to me, I know you'll be taking a bag for Samuel (changed name) but can I take a little something too. Or they'd ask is there anything you want me to take for you to make things easier. But if there was I wouldn't need either of them to pack a bag to keep my child amused on a coach journey.

My partner totally gets where I am coming from and knows how this looks. He says he needs to find the right time to tell her not to bother with it. The right time? Hardly like he's breaking some horrendous news is it. He thinks that his mother is not in any way deliberately trying to step on my toes but it seems kind of obvious that id be packing stuff for my boy. She's had 3 kids and should understand how it looks. She can't be that naive, surely?

To me it's not so much of a big deal if we could just say that she needn't bother. But now he's stalling and 'finding the right time'. The right time. Please!!

AIBU to be annoyed?

EatShitDerek Sun 24-Apr-16 16:30:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

allowlsthinkalot Sun 24-Apr-16 16:30:52

I think you're making a big deal of nothing tbh although I can understand if this is part of a wider issue.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Sun 24-Apr-16 16:31:30

If you usually get on well, let it slide. It's always good to have someone willing to entertain a small child on a journey, surely? Have a chat about suitable snacks if you think she will have different ideas to you. It sounds like she's excited about spending more time with him.

If this is the latest in a long list of things she's done then you should speak up but don't expect anything to chance especially if DH won't stand up for you

nokidshere Sun 24-Apr-16 16:31:57


Say "that's lovely thank you, one less thing for me to be sorting out, dc will love it"

And then get on with your packing and sorting and being excited about the holiday.

TruJay Sun 24-Apr-16 16:32:14

I think she's done a lovely thing and pretty sure it'd be greatly appreciated on a long trip with a toddler.

I suspect this is a 'straw that broke the camel's back' situation. There has to be worse things they've done and this is just an added thing that tipped you over the edge.

I sometimes don't get along with my inlaws but this is something I really could not get wound up about sorry but I think you're being U

AgentProvocateur Sun 24-Apr-16 16:32:37

Yes. It's a kind thing to do, and it saves you a job. You're not going till June - it's not as if she told you the day before, when you'd already packed a bag. I do t really know why you feel shocked. Take the kind gesture at face value and save your ire for something less petty.

Champagneformyrealfriends Sun 24-Apr-16 16:32:40

I hate to say it but I think YABU. She obviously wants to do something nice for your DS. Clearly though, there is more to this than just a bag for a coach trip - my mil is a pita and tries to take over all the time.

I8toys Sun 24-Apr-16 16:32:48

YABU - its nothing major and think its a nice thing for her to do.

Shakey15000 Sun 24-Apr-16 16:33:16

I'd let her crack on to be honest. One less thing for you to sort/carry etc. Unless it's on the back of some MAJOR toe stepping. In which case it can't be that bad if you're all holidaying together smile

It "looks" like she's thinking ahead and if that extends to some free time for you and DH on the holiday I'd let her get on with it.

wonderingsoul Sun 24-Apr-16 16:33:45

I dont get your problem, i thinknits a nice thing to do. Next time you soeack to her just tell her your be bringing stuff too. No biggie

You can still take stuff and tell her.. but i dont think uts ths crime if the century.

memyselfandaye Sun 24-Apr-16 16:33:52

You are massively unreasonable.

His Grandma has bought him some treats for a very boring coach trip.

Trying to make an issue over something so trivial is beyond ridiculous.

sallyhasleftthebuilding Sun 24-Apr-16 16:34:04


It would annoy me too - just say - we've got that covered - no need -

Is she trying to out do your mother or you as parents?

Why can't PIL let their children parent?

Shakey15000 Sun 24-Apr-16 16:34:10

X post with just about everyone grin

Hassled Sun 24-Apr-16 16:34:40

You need to pick your battles, and this really isn't one of them. She's done a nice thing because she cares about her grandson being occupied on a long coach trip - just smile and nod.

MintyBojingles Sun 24-Apr-16 16:35:22

What Derek saidgrin

momtothree Sun 24-Apr-16 16:35:36

Both parents are annoyed by this -

They know MIL best - assumes there's more to it?

takemetomars Sun 24-Apr-16 16:35:38

Yes YABU to be annoyed based on the info you have provided. I think it is a very thoughtful idea tbh.
I really think you need to pick your battles and this is not one of them. Try to see it for what it is, your MIL is thinking of your son.
Ask yourself this- what do you think her motives are? I doubt very much her motive for doing this was to imply that YOU hadn't thought of it. Why would you think that? Is there more backstory that you have not shared with us?

Out2pasture Sun 24-Apr-16 16:35:54

I think it's a great idea to have new and different little toys. I'm sure he will enjoy it and it will make for a more pleasant trip.

gamerchick Sun 24-Apr-16 16:36:25

Id be over the moon me that she wanted sole responsibility for the bairn for the entire journey.

Time to sit back and relax wink

takemetomars Sun 24-Apr-16 16:36:59

massive cross posts!!!

PotteringAlong Sun 24-Apr-16 16:38:36

You are being completely ridiculous. What's the problem?

MillieMoodle Sun 24-Apr-16 16:39:18

Sorry, I do think you're being a bit unreasonable. She's only trying to help with keeping your son occupied on a long journey, and possibly trying to give you one less thing to worry about.
My mum bought little bits and bobs for DS when we took him on a plane for the first time. She knew I was going to make up a little bag and bought bits to go into it as she has much more time than I do to be trawling round toy shops/pound shops. I only wish my IL's cared half as much!

lavenderpekins Sun 24-Apr-16 16:40:54

YAB completely U

DoreenLethal Sun 24-Apr-16 16:41:44

* She just announced earlier this week that she's got a few more bits to get for his bag. When I questioned what she meant she said oh I'm taking a bag for him, it's nearly packed ive got this and that she was explaining, and she has just got to get this toy she's seen and it'll be done*

'No need MIL, really. We've got it covered - we are his parents you know! You are so funny.'

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