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to not want relatives smoking around my baby

(58 Posts)
Peterspan Sun 24-Apr-16 09:07:04

Due to go to family party round someone's house in a couple of weeks. Most of my relatives smoke (indoors) which usually I have no problem with. This time I am due to take four month old baby and feel uncomfortable with people smoking around her. Don't want to not go as it is a celebration for a milestone birthday and everyone looking forward to meeting baby. Am I being pfb?

KatyN Sun 24-Apr-16 09:12:20

In the olden days people smoked around babies so you could use that to justify your actions just this once?? I have relatives that smoke indoors but when we visit then go outside. You may find they leave one room smoke free if you ask politely (but expect them to say no).
K

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe Sun 24-Apr-16 09:13:43

No you're definitely not BU.

woodwaj Sun 24-Apr-16 09:14:03

Of course not! Especially it's the majority of them! Could you speak to the host about asking everyone nicely to go outside?

WellIGuessThisIsGrowingUp Sun 24-Apr-16 09:16:46

Yanbu!!! It is a massive health risk to baby. There is no way i would go, offer to meet them in a place where they can't smoke another time, if they want to meet baby so desperately

HeteronormativeHaybales Sun 24-Apr-16 09:21:05

I wouldn't go. Honestly, you can't risk that. I would contact them beforehand and ask if smoking can happen outside only, and if they won't do that, don't go. (Tbh, I wouldn't have gone anyway as I wouldn't have wanted my 4mo held by a series of smokers, but I appreciate that view is still considered a little extreme).

jellybelly85 Sun 24-Apr-16 09:21:27

I have a similar dilemma. Meant to go to my parents for Christmas (overseas so will probably stay for 3-5 days) with 6 month old. Parents and family smoke... But we'll be staying in their home. Feel very uncomfortable thinking about both second and third hand smoke. Plan to ask if they would be willing to smoke outside during our visit and see how that is received... Not unreasonable to ask the Q. Let us know what you decide to do!

HeteronormativeHaybales Sun 24-Apr-16 09:25:27

jellybelly - again, I wouldn't go. I just wouldn't. My baby doesn't go into places where there is 3rd hand smoke. nThis means she's never been to MIL's. It's tough on MIL but it's her choice to smoke indoors.
I am convinced that future generations will be astounded at how we (collectively) could ever have exposed children to the stuff. They'll see it as we see brandy in baby bottles. Bonkers.

RochelleGoyle Sun 24-Apr-16 09:26:49

I'm not being argumentative because I too would be loathe to take a baby into that environment but (and yes, I am too lazy to Google right now), would it actually be a massive health risk? Just as a one off? Also, I think it would not be unreasonable for you to attend but ask that one room remains smoke free whist the baby is present.

MummyBex1985 Sun 24-Apr-16 09:31:34

You are not PFB or BU.

I wouldn't take a baby or child into a smoky environment.

Ledkr Sun 24-Apr-16 09:32:07

I would t go either and I'm a very lax parent grin

LagunaBubbles Sun 24-Apr-16 09:32:29

No yanbu. Apart from the health risk the smell in someone's house when people smoke inside is disgusting.

inlovewithhubby Sun 24-Apr-16 09:34:52

Er, third hand smoke? Massive health risk? One afternoon? Come on guys, stop exaggerating. Consistently and on a daily basis, perhaps, but not one afternoon. And being weird about someone who's had a fag half an hour ago holding your baby is bloody bonkers. Seriously, take a deep breath and calm down. You are being perfectly reasonable to leave the room if someone lights up when the baby's there. Weather getting nice so you can go outside or change room, saying you need to change a nappy or similar. If they are close family ask for a room where people won't smoke - which I'm sure they'd understand - and enjoy your family and sharing your baby without going all crazy PFB and thinking your baby will die if Aunt Rose who smells of smoke gives her a cuddle. It's precious bullshit. I'm a non smoker by the way, I just don't presume everyone has to change their entire lives for me and my baby.

MummyBex1985 Sun 24-Apr-16 09:40:28

inlovewithhubby I think you're missing the point. Nobody is expecting the smokers to change their lifestyle. But frankly (and I say this as an ex smoker) the smell is revolting and smoke is not good for children. You can't just leave the room when someone smokes - the smell lingers for hours!

WellIGuessThisIsGrowingUp Sun 24-Apr-16 09:40:51

Why should mum and baby leave the room with baby when someone decides to smoke in there?? Baby should be first priority for everyone, and out of consideration for baby, family should not smoke around it (and should also air the room previously).

rumbleinthrjungle Sun 24-Apr-16 09:44:49

The house, every room and their clothes will all be impregnated with carcinogens even if they don't actively smoke next to the baby, and all of that will end up in little lungs. As pp said, 80 years ago someone would have been saying ffs, it's a bit of gin in the bottle, don't be so precious!

YANBU.

molyholy Sun 24-Apr-16 09:45:05

I wouldn't go. You are not being pfb.

Reddot Sun 24-Apr-16 09:46:12

I wouldn't go.

Osirus Sun 24-Apr-16 09:47:56

Don't expose your baby to their second hand smoke. If they won't take your baby's wellbeing into consideration I wouldn't go.

inlovewithhubby Sun 24-Apr-16 09:54:26

Baby should be first consideration for everyone? What world do you live in? Baby should be parents' first priority of course, but not the general public and not even other relatives - their first priority is naturally themselves. The fact that people are so extreme on this shows that their own priorities, too, are personal and don't extend beyond the ends of their own noses. It's attitudes like this which give parenting a bad name, expecting everyone to revolve around their separate lives little Johnny. It's crazy. I agree with the general principle that smoking is a health risk, but one afternoon in a non smoking room will not do any harm. For me, family would trump such preciousness, every time. I would ask for a smoke free room and gently remove baby under the guise of a nappy change if someone lit up directly in front of her inside the house.

DerelictMyBalls Sun 24-Apr-16 10:00:44

I would go but I would only stay for long enough to say hello to everyone and show them the baby, and if anyone asked why we weren't stopping, I would explain that it's not good for the baby to be around cigarette smoke. Then if they want to judge me as PFB, fine, but visiting for a short while is a good compromise, IMO.

WellIGuessThisIsGrowingUp Sun 24-Apr-16 10:12:36

I don't think expecting people to refrain from smoking around a newborn is giving "parenting a bad name" or "expecting everyone to revolve around their separate lives little Johnny". It is a basic consideration on health grounds.

If op expected her family to quit smoking and never smoke in their own home, that would be unreasonable.

Not wanting to expose babies to smoke is not unreasonable.

AugustaFinkNottle Sun 24-Apr-16 10:50:54

I'm quite surprised that anyone expects to smoke indoors when they visit other people, or when they have guests. It's so inconsiderate. If I felt unable to ask that people smoke outside, it would be a quick hallo and goodbye for the baby.

MissBattleaxe Sun 24-Apr-16 11:55:58

Send a nice card and say you and the baby had a night so you can't go.

Therealyellowwiggle Sun 24-Apr-16 12:12:38

I think a baby should be everyone's priority, and in real life I think that is the case for most decent people - if you were in an emergency situation and there was a baby there (not yours) wouldn't you risk your own life to get that baby out? If everyone is their own top priority no wonder the world is fucked up.

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