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to not want to go to christenings?

(143 Posts)
GreenGoth89 Sat 23-Apr-16 22:44:17

On several grounds - firstly because I feel in this day and age if you want a naming/welcoming to the world ceremony it doesn't need to be in religious context. I feel it's hypocritical when the parents aren't religious and have no plans to become so, and not allowing a child to have free choice in later life about their spiritual choices - you can't be unbaptised! It's one thing bringing a child up in a culturally religious context or with the teachings of religion or spirituality but I feel especially if you don't actually believe in God baptism of a child without them knowing what it means and agreeing with it isn't right.

DP thinks I'm being highly unreasonable even suggesting I won't go to a (not even remotely close) friend's new born and 5 y/o daughter's joint christening ceremony because I feel it's not right, in the same way that people that don't have religious families or are religious themselves shouldn't have a wedding in a church just because they like the venue. It makes it a meaningless practice! (I'm not religious btw, but I am spiritual) I'm aware I'll most likely be hounded out of town but I just wondered if anyone felt the same?

Sandbrook Sat 23-Apr-16 22:46:13

It's not your business's what others decide to do. Yabu

sconebonjovi Sat 23-Apr-16 22:47:32

YANBU. A massively hypocritical excuse for a party and gift list. No worse than non religious folk getting married in a church, mind. I'm a serial wedding and christening avoider!

PurpleDaisies Sat 23-Apr-16 22:48:22

Christenings I agree with you. There are plenty of good options for non-religious parents and it seems really weird they'd want to stand up and renounce the devil and promise to bring their child up in the Christian faith. I'm not sure if boycott though, I'd just silently disapprove.

Weddings are a bit different because the couple are declaring a commitment to each other, even if they don't necessarily believe the god bits.

NuggetofPurestGreen Sat 23-Apr-16 22:48:41

I agree Goth. I don't mind attending weddings even if the couple are being hypocritical as it's just themselves involved but I don't agree with infant baptism. The baby has no choice about it!

mrsmeerkat Sat 23-Apr-16 22:48:57

I think you are reasonable to not go. To be honest they aren't religious if they waited five year to Christen their child anyway

PurpleDaisies Sat 23-Apr-16 22:51:00

To be honest they aren't religious if they waited five year to Christen their child anyway

That doesn't necessarily follow-not all Christians believe in infant baptism (myself included).

QOD Sat 23-Apr-16 22:51:33

It's funny. Dh refused to let dd be christened and I didn't have parental responsibolity (surrogate baby) so We had a naming day party
dd is equally FURIOUS that she's not christened and adamant that she is marked as atheist (not c of e) on any official forms

Bless her awkward 17 yr old.self

mayoketchupchocolate Sat 23-Apr-16 22:52:21

I couldn't agree more, I hate them and refuse to go, and I don't send a card/present in my absence either.

Samcro Sat 23-Apr-16 22:53:16

yabumy ds was christened..he went to a church school and is now and atheist
you don't get a brand just a bit of water

RNBrie Sat 23-Apr-16 22:54:15

Just don't go. I have my children baptised because we are religious and I hate the fact we have to have the whole party thing afterwards, it's not supposed to be about that!! my dd's baptisms have been small affairs with as few people as possible invited (basically just grandparents and God parents)

But don't go. It's no biggie. Just say sorry, we have plans that day.

PurpleDaisies Sat 23-Apr-16 22:54:37

dd is equally FURIOUS that she's not christened and adamant that she is marked as atheist (not c of e) on any official forms
Is she an atheist? If not she has the option to be baptised. Out of interest, what official forms require you to say whether you were christened as a baby or not? I don't think that would be a good measure of whether someone is an atheist or not.

TrixieBernadette Sat 23-Apr-16 22:56:05

Both my children were baptised at 3 months. Its my faith. They can chose when theyre older to not follow the faith, but until they have that choice themselves they follow my choices. Same as if they wanted to be vegan or vegetarian - they cant undo having eaten meat, but can decide to not eat it again when theyre older if thats their choice.

if you dont agree with baptism dont go. But dont think that theres something "wrong" with baptising a baby, or child.

mayoketchupchocolate Sat 23-Apr-16 22:59:38

I'm an atheist, and fortunately my parents didn't have me Christened as a child. I'd have been really irritated if they had, I believe it's my decision alone and it's not something I want to have any part in.

MrsLeighHalfpenny Sat 23-Apr-16 23:02:20

I'm not religious but I am spiritual

What does that (ie "spiritual") mean?

AgathaMystery Sat 23-Apr-16 23:02:59

YANBU. I hate them too. It's weird to join someone up to a religion they might not want to be part of one day. It can't ever be undone.

I know it's only words and pageantry but still...

Penfold007 Sat 23-Apr-16 23:12:08

Do you also refuse to go to church weddings, blessings and religious funerals if the couple or deceased aren't/weren't religious?

QOD Sat 23-Apr-16 23:15:14

purple it was a form I recently completed to do with her 6th form. I filled out medical stuff and contacts and ethnicity and religion. She tore a strip off me and put athiestgrin
however she recently had a moan about dh that if she wanted to get married in a church he's "ruined it" for her
life is hard when you're 17 grin

starry0ne Sat 23-Apr-16 23:18:15

My ds was christened at 7 ..He was asked at that age if he wanted to do so.. Hid choice.

Primaryteach87 Sat 23-Apr-16 23:18:33

I'm not sure you can always know the detail of someone's spiritual or religious beliefs. Whilst some people might be totally doing it for a party, others who aren't overtly religious may hold genuine beliefs they just haven't discussed with you.

Either way, yabu - since it's their children and ultimately you aren't required to do anything but watch & eat cake.

PurpleDaisies Sat 23-Apr-16 23:25:19

QOD I didn't realise that religion appeared on that sort of form. Thanks for the info!

Incidentally you can almost guarantee if you had christened your daughter she'd be pissed off about not having made her own choice. The joys of teens!
Incidentally I got married in a Church of England church without having been christened.

GrumpyMcGrumpFace Sat 23-Apr-16 23:29:41

I don't see why you have to go and watch and eat cake at a ceremony that makes no sense to you confused

I don't do weddings, christenings etc. I would go to a funeral if I thought it would give some comfort to a grieving friend or relative that I was there. I send presents for other people's weddings/christenings etc if they are my friend and it's an excuse to give them a present. But I don't feel I "have" to attend and pretend that it's all making some kind of sense to me, when it really doesn't.

choirmumoftwo Sat 23-Apr-16 23:30:35

QOD, you don't need to be baptised to be married in church, not CofE anyway.

dodobookends Sat 23-Apr-16 23:41:29

QOD - your dd might be relieved to know that there are such things as adult baptisms wink grin

Primaryteach87 Sat 23-Apr-16 23:41:30

You don't have to but it's a way of showing friendship and also care for the new baby. As a guest you aren't required to pledge or believe anything so it feels a bit petty not to go.

I don't much like kareoke parties but if it's my friend's birthday then I'd go.

To me it's a not dissimilar level of small sacrifice. But if it upsets you that much, don't go. I think you are in the minority though. I'm religious but my family and most friends aren't. They were quite happy to come to DSs christening.

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