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To not work, because I haven't got the confidence?

(57 Posts)
Sunnydayinapril Sat 23-Apr-16 18:44:33

Not a benefits related post, as I don't claim them.

But - should you work, if you can?

Is it a bad example to set to children, if you don't?

Or is it acceptable?

WordGetsAround Sat 23-Apr-16 18:46:42

There are loads of great reasons not to work outside the home (carer, volunteering, childcare etc etc), but lack of confidence is not one of them!
How about trying to think yourself into being more confident? Most people are bluffing anyway.

Hedgehog80 Sat 23-Apr-16 18:47:31

If you can afford to not work then it's absolutely your choice and you do whatever works best for your individual circumstances

My youngest goes to school in September, a few people have asked will I go to work and I've had a couple of hmm when I say "no". What they don't realise is we are up numerous times each night with dcs, have loads of appts and dcs are often off ill so it makes no sense for me to work. I'm going to just hopefully have a bit of time to myself and get the house a bit organised and hope that it makes things that bit easier on days where all dcs are at school

AdoraKiora Sat 23-Apr-16 18:48:37

You'll only build confidence by getting out there and doing it.

I wouldn't let fear put me off earning money and having a full life!

Have you thought about doing a few hours a week volunteering to build up your confidence?

Hedgehog80 Sat 23-Apr-16 18:48:48

It might be worth inking about doing something to improve your confidence-not necessarily to get into work but just for yourself and day to day things

InlandTiger Sat 23-Apr-16 18:48:48

Yes I think you should work if you can. Don't you get bored?

Confidence grows with experience, you get more of it over time. If you challenge yourself you will increase confidence naturally.

Most people lack confidence when they start a new job, you push through it until you get good at it.

Hedgehog80 Sat 23-Apr-16 18:49:00


Sunnydayinapril Sat 23-Apr-16 18:49:30

I'd have to actually get a job, though, and I don't think I can. My CV isn't very good.

TheSecondOfHerName Sat 23-Apr-16 18:53:34

I suggest starting with some voluntary work. This will both improve the CV and help with the confidence.

usual Sat 23-Apr-16 18:54:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlappyRose Sat 23-Apr-16 18:55:48

It depends. Do you want to work?

wheresthel1ght Sat 23-Apr-16 18:56:54

If you don't work and don't claim benefits how exactly do you support yourself?

Ameliablue Sat 23-Apr-16 18:57:26

I think you should focus on building your confidence, you could go on a course or start a new hobby, or do some voluntary work to start you off.

29redshoes Sat 23-Apr-16 19:11:55

As long as you can support yourself without claiming benefits, I don't subscribe to the view that you should work if you can. I also don't think not working automatically sends a bad message to children.

I do think it's a shame not to work if the only thing holding you back is confidence, though. Volunteering might be a good way to build your confidence before applying for paid jobs, as others have suggested.

But mostly just try not to beat yourself up too much. I think a lot of people find applying for work daunting, feel their CVs aren't good enough and question their skills, experience etc. It's normal! I bet you've got a lot more to offer than you realise.

Tightywalterwhities Sat 23-Apr-16 19:18:45

As previous posters have already mentioned voluntary work is a great for building confidence and if you don't have to work you may find you want to stay in your voluntary position perminantly. I am happily a SAHM now buthad a period of unemployment a few years ago and it really knocked my confidence I think to the point I was depressed, voluntary work really helped sort me out and I met some really lovely and interesting people.

WaspsandBeesSting Sat 23-Apr-16 19:22:23

It depends. If you don't want to work and you don't need to without claiming benefits then ok.

If you don't want to work, are in a relationship but your OH isn't happy about being the only earner then no it isn't really ok.

Have you tried working on your confidence?

MunchCrunch01 Sat 23-Apr-16 19:29:32

I think it's fine not to work of its a happy choice and your family is financially sound but not if it's confidence stopping you. I'd be worried about my dh being sole earner in case he got sick - if I had skills and could go back to work in that case, then fine, otherwise it seems a bit risky to me not to work

Sunnydayinapril Sat 23-Apr-16 19:35:45

It's so easy to say work on your confidence but not in practice really.

WaspsandBeesSting Sat 23-Apr-16 19:40:22

It's so easy to say work on your confidence but not in practice really

So what have you been doing to overcome it? That is what I am asking.

Have you seeked any help or advice? Etc

dakin1 Sat 23-Apr-16 19:41:43

Is there work you could do that is in your comfort zone? Doing something you feel confident doing will build your self esteem, even if it's only a few hours a week

Sunnydayinapril Sat 23-Apr-16 19:43:12

No, I haven't sought help or advice, have given up (sorry)

LIZS Sat 23-Apr-16 19:47:00

Do you have dc, what age? If they are still young try your local Children's Centre for short courses to work on confidence and back to work skills, or your local FE college or adult education provider. Alternatively volunteering , even if only a few hours a week , can help you upskill and gain confidence. Your local Volunteers Bureau or Doit website can point you in the right direction.

LovingSummer Sat 23-Apr-16 19:48:01

Yes YABU, but mostly to yourself. If you want to work, and feel unable to, then it's within your power to change that. Obviously it's hard to believe your CV is ok if you have little self-confidence, but there are ways to build your confidence. IF your CV genuinely isn't up to scratch (but I suspect you're talking yourself down) then you can take steps to build it into something you're more proud of.

You have a point about your kids watching you and learning that fear should get in the way of life. Roll the clock on 20 years. Do you want your kids to have memories of seeing a Mum who was afraid and so hid away, or a Mum who tackled low confidence, gained some, and then lived the life she wanted?

VestalVirgin Sat 23-Apr-16 19:51:12

YABU. I say that a someone who works from home, and not enough to earn a living wage ... because I, too, lack the confidence.

It is not reasonable. It is very stupid and it messes my life up and damages my self esteem even further.

Have you considered getting a job that requires no qualifications whatsoever? Part-time?
That's roughly what I do, and while it is still bad and I still need a proper job, you would at least have more money that way.

Sunnydayinapril Sat 23-Apr-16 19:51:27

I've already got degree, but can't use it really.

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