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(7 Posts)
Meluzyna Sat 23-Apr-16 16:14:32

AIBU? I belong to a club which does an annual gala performance for which we practice one night a week from September to April. The gala is always a Saturday night and in the 20 years I've been doing it my DH has never wanted to attend the performance, not even to support me.
Our son started a new job a couple of months ago - and he is living abroad - in a European capital city well served by RyanAir etc. He has not been home since he moved there. Our daughter has her birthday coming up - it's on a Monday.
We suggested to DS that he might like to come home to celebrate his sister's birthday - however, my gala is on the weekend after the birthday and it has been on the calendar since September.
I mentionned to DH that DS shouldn't come that weekend - which isn't the weekend of his sister's birthday anyway.
But when DS asked his Dad if it was OK to come that weekend, instead of sayng "you know son, your Mum will not be around much that weekend, why don't you come for the Bank Holiday?" DH said "of course, Son, whenever you like": and so the flights were booked before I found out.
So DS arrives Friday afternoon: I have the compulsory dress rehearsal and photo call on Friday evening, the technical run through on Saturday afternoon, the performance and evening do which means not getting to bed before 2 a.m. on Saturday night / Sunday morning.... and DS flying back out on Sunday at 4 p.m.
AIBU to be really upset to be put in this position of having to miss out on family time because my DH was not straight with our son?
I don't want to say anything to my son because I don't want to make him feel bad, but was it too much to hope that my husband would not begrudge me the time out doing something I enjoy?

HereIAm20 Sat 23-Apr-16 16:42:55

Just say to your son that you're sorry you're not around much this weekend but that your tw*t of a father should have explained that another weekend would have allowed you to spend more time together and that in future it might be best to make arrangements with you direct.

GoblinLittleOwl Sat 23-Apr-16 17:15:14

InsistSuggest your son, daughter and husband all come to watch you at your gala.

curren Sat 23-Apr-16 17:29:33

So your son wanted to come next weekend and you think your dh should have told him no?

Maybe he did point out you wouldn't be around?

Sleepybunny Sat 23-Apr-16 17:46:38

If you've been doing the same gala for 20 odd years, wouldn't your son be equally aware of the plans as your DH?
Book a hotel in the European city and go out and visit him with DD on a weekend that suits?

leelu66 Sat 23-Apr-16 18:08:24

DH was thoughtless and inconsiderate. Was he at least apologetic?

Hope your son doesn't think you were happy to miss his visit.

Meluzyna Sat 23-Apr-16 20:57:44

Was he apologetic? Are you kidding me? He thinks that I should drop everything, let down my friends, stop galivanting and devote myself to my (adult) children.... like his own mother did. Not that she really had a life outside her job and her children.
GoblinLittleOwl: that's exactly what I said - all ccme to the gala - for once - but he said "The lad's coming to see his sister, not your friends doing their show", so that was the end of that conversation.
In theory the lad knows about the gala, but to be fair to him, the date varies slightly every year, and he's not living in the same household as the rest of us.
I feel let down by O/H because he knows full well this is important to me, but he is totally unsupportive - yes, I would have expected him to mention it to the lad when the date for the visit was first discussed. I'm not sure if the lad realises just how little he's going to see of me - and I think he'll be disappointed too - so really, his Dad has been totally unfair to both of us
So as Sleepybunny suggests, I can see me and DD going for a weekend - but O/H will make an excuse and say he's too busy to go - making him sound like a martyr.

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