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Sorry, another wedding one. Declining invites when you already have plans

(133 Posts)
Tinklewinkle Sat 23-Apr-16 09:47:15

AIBU to think that a wedding invitation doesn't trump previous, long standing commitments?

We have a music festival here in the summer. The date was announced last summer. We've had tickets for months and months, a whole group of us are all going together. We all go most years

Some friends of ours announced their engagement a couple of months ago and we received an invitation this week - for the Saturday of the music festival.

I called them last night to explain and to apologise that we wouldn't be able to make it. It didn't go very well. To paraphrase - hardly anyone is going because of the festival, we're all arseholes, her day is ruined, etc, etc, etc.


I feel really bad about it, but at the same time a little part of me thinks that if you pick the one of the busiest weekends of the year, you have to accept people may not be able to make it

LagunaBubbles Sat 23-Apr-16 09:49:52

Yanbu. I wouldn't even feel guilty - if she's calling people who are meant to be friends arseholes, that's terrible!

SmallBee Sat 23-Apr-16 09:51:56

I don't think there is anything else you can do really.
Part of picking a wedding date is making sure that all the people you want there will be free, it's not your fault that you aren't free.

pictish Sat 23-Apr-16 09:51:59

Oooh it's a tricky one. have to say I'd be sticking with the festie myself. I have bought tickets for a festie in June and I'd not forego it for a friend's wedding either.

I can understand the bride's upset of course but it's not a reflection on her, it's a just bad timing. Calling you all arseholes was a bit much.

PrettyBrightFireflies Sat 23-Apr-16 09:53:31

There's a reason they managed to get a venue so quickly after their engagement - because it's the weekend no one else wants!

The bride obviously didn't think it through and is now cross with herself - she'll have to change her plans, either a smaller wedding or a different date!

AgathaMystery Sat 23-Apr-16 09:54:00

Depends on the friend TBH. For my best friend I am moving heaven & earth to be at her wedding. Going by air, sea & land to reach the wedding this summer! As well as not going to a concert I've been excited about for a year.

For an acquaintance or someone I'm not that close to, I wouldn't change my plans.

meganorks Sat 23-Apr-16 09:54:38

I can understand her frustration if loads of people can't make it. But that's not your fault and she should have checked no major clashes

AllisonWonderland Sat 23-Apr-16 09:54:47

If you get an invitation when you already have plans then it's really up to you to decide which is more important to you. If it was a really good friend of mine then I would let the music festival go (unless someone amazing was playing, haha!) so whilst I thing the bride is BU, I can see why she would feel upset. But I would think the easiest thing here is for the bride and groom to rearrange the wedding date now that they've found they're going to be inconveniencing a lot of their friends.

molyholy Sat 23-Apr-16 09:54:49


pictish Sat 23-Apr-16 09:55:30

Did she know a group of you have tickets to the festival? If they did but planned their wedding on the same weekend anyway, expecting you would all choose the wedding instead, then I'm afraid that was a bad decision on their part.

Barmaid101 Sat 23-Apr-16 09:59:09

If it was a good friend I would go to the wedding. A wedding trumps a music festival. A wedding is a one off, festivals come around every year. Sell the tickets and go to your friends wedding.
Those saying that the bride should have checked with everyone. I disagree, if the bride checked with every potential guest she would never be able to set a date.

MidnightAura Sat 23-Apr-16 10:00:21

If she knew you were all going as you do most years (and had tickets) she must of expected that? I wouldn't expect people to drop it for my wedding.

NameAgeLocation Sat 23-Apr-16 10:00:41

That's what 'save the date' cards are for. It's a real shame for her but YANBU.

Tinklewinkle Sat 23-Apr-16 10:01:36


They're friends, but not our best friends.

They knew we had tickets, at one point they were talking about coming too but once the line up was announced they decided they weren't that fussed, but that was months ago so they may have forgotten since.

I can see why she's upset and I feel bad for her, but I really, really, REALLY want to go to the festival. I am pissing myself with excitement. I love all the headliners and would be utterly gutted to miss them

DH thought maybe going to the ceremony, but that's quite rude if we all just bugger off

RJnomore1 Sat 23-Apr-16 10:03:31

Yanbu we missed dhs step brothers wedding because we already had rebooked a holiday. No hard feelings. I don't get this - you should get married because you want to make a commitment to the other person not because you want a party with loads of people. I realise I am odd in this belief.

Anyway you aren't the only one not going op do not take it personally.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom Sat 23-Apr-16 10:03:43

Oh dear. I hope she can change the date, or at least be content with a smaller do.

YANBU though.

echt Sat 23-Apr-16 10:04:41

Are you going to Splendour in the Grass?

FranHastings Sat 23-Apr-16 10:05:36

I'd rather go to a festival than a wedding any day. YANBU, especially as they knew you were going. Fools!

PrettyBrightFireflies Sat 23-Apr-16 10:07:59

that was months ago so they may have forgotten since.

But they must have realised why the venues were available at such short notice for that weekend, surely?
Normal life comes to a complete halt during the Festival in my area -the fact that they managed to get a venue should have been a reminder, surely?
(Actually, I'm surprised the venue didn't mention it, tbh).

Even if you'd all decided to forgo the festival - surely no bride wants her wedding disrupted by festival traffic, or the venue to have stock supply problems due to demand on the wholesalers?

I think she was gambling to get a wedding date much sooner that she otherwise could have done and it has backfired on her.

Tinklewinkle Sat 23-Apr-16 10:20:33

echt. No, it's not that one.

I'm quite surprised they've picked that date, usually if you're not going to the festival, you don't leave the house

Life pretty much comes to a halt for a few days before, during, and a couple of days after here too.

Getting here becomes an absolute nightmare and public transport and accommodation prices are hiked right up so any friends or family coming from out of the area, will have a bloody nightmare and ££££ getting here, booking accommodation, etc.

I would have thought the venue would have said something too, even if you had forgotten, surely that date being available less than 2 months before would ring some bells

LagunaBubbles Sat 23-Apr-16 10:26:45

Venue probably didn't say anything in case they didn't book though!

CatThiefKeith Sat 23-Apr-16 10:29:07

Tinkle do you live on an Island? Because if it's that one they are absolutely mental to be even thinking about getting married that weekend!

PrettyBrightFireflies Sat 23-Apr-16 10:29:54

There are going to be some very hung over staff serving the wedding breakfast - with mud under their finger nails, no doubt!

Bananalanacake Sat 23-Apr-16 10:31:38

But if 'hardly anyone is going because of the festival' she will save money on the catering, point that out to her.

PansOnFire Sat 23-Apr-16 10:38:00

If I'd spent money on festival tickets that my friends knew about then I'd definitely not be going to their wedding if they chose to book on the same day. Surely, you get the dates available from the venue and then check what else is planned before committing?

They either haven't thought it through or they think everyone will be far more excited about the wedding than the festival. In either case I'd be sticking to my plans.

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