To think DH is overreacting a bit?(14 Posts)
As part (a small part) of my job I need to cross electrified train tracks. I've been tested and certified on this and as trains make me nervous I'm always really cautious. Stupidly I didn't tell DH about this part of my job, now I have and despite all my reassurances he's really upset and thinks I'll be zapped to death next time I'm at a depot. I know I should've told him earlier but I don't need to do it that often and he seems to think it's this huge deal and I'm in danger of death all the time.
I'm probably more in danger crossing the road but he insists he's not happy. I love my job and I love him, but I'm not about to give it up!
Basically, he now won't stop going on about it. I'm starting to feel a little insulted, as though he thinks I'm so flighty that I won't pay attention when crossing live track. AIBU to be just a bit pissed off? And how do I reassure him?
Surely there are H and S guidelines you have to follow.
DH didn't like me working the scary night shifts in a
very poorly managed homeless shelter. He knows me well enough to tell me then move on. Your job, your choice.
It's understandable but he's going to have to learn to deal with it. Explain the dangers, tell him the statistics. Sometimes though partners can fixate on things that can cause danger, he just needs to put it into perspective.
If you were in no danger before he knew then nothings changed and he needs to deal.
Job sounds interesting!
It is an overreaction, if you've had all the safety training. But I'm the woman who's tempted to close her eyes when going over a level crossing (then I remember I'm actually driving). If he feels like that about railways, then I can see where he's coming from - it's not a rational reaction. I don't know how you persuade him to keep all the thoughts inside rather than going on you about them.
I was traumatised by those 1970s safety videos, and the talk we had about the dangers when they were electrifying the railway down to Weymouth in the early '80s...
It's a really tiny part of my job, I suppose all I can do is reassure him about all the safety stuff and the fact that no one has died for a very long time!! I think he was just surprised/shocked as quite a bit of my job is office based and although he knew I occasionally visit train depots he hadn't really thought about what that might entail. So hopefully he'll get over it.
I remember those 70s safety films too, they're a big part of why I'm extremely cautious crossing tracks!!
I can understand his reaction, and guess he is just a bit taken aback and worried.
He will deal with it eventually I should think. People who work on or near railways have to cross the tracks at times.
I might suggest he watches some of the current series of Going Underground on TV. It has shown how they manage when they do have to venture onto the track.
We have a couple of London Underground train drivers in the wider family. Safety is a very rigorous part of their training and jobs, although it is obviously impossible to entirely eliminate risk.
Men are funny about these things. I'm sure that deep in their reptilian brain they don't think we are capable.
My husband had a fit when he realised how much of my work is intimate procedures on people living with various life-limiting blood borne viruses. I don't ever tell him if I've had a needle stick/ exposure anymore (rare and yes I protect his health) -it's not worth the hassle TBH
How long has he known?
I suppose if it's a particular fear and he was totally surprised to find out he might be still a bit shocked.
If he's known for a while now and still focusing on it then I'd be annoyed too
He is anxious about other stuff too? I'm rather anxious and I do tend to repeat the same things without realising. I'm sure it gets on my dhs wick
Maybe go through the safety stuff again to reassure him you know what you're doing. Tell him you realise he's worried about you but it's getting irritating for him to keep repeating it. Hopefully he'll take it in this time but please be patient with him.
He's only known for a couple of days (I didn't mention it before because I knew he'd freak out, he's very nervous around trains) so hopefully he'll settle down and I won't be greeted every evening with 'you're still alive then'... I completely understand he worries - he sometimes has to visit construction sites and frankly I'd think they're much more dangerous!
I think you're right Agatha - no matter how modern he is there's probably a part of him that thinks I'll get distracted by a pretty light or something and completely forget to look where I'm going . All I can do is reassure him - obviously safety is paramount at my company as it is at all TOCs and there's no way I'd be allowed near an operational railway if I wasn't deemed safe. Which I'm sure the rational part of him knows quite well.
Gosh, how depressing to think ALL men think we'll be distracted by a pretty light.
Plenty of women get anxious about what their partners are doing. The double standards on here is ridiculous sometimes.
I'm weird about trains too so I probably sympathise a bit.
If it were me I'd take it for a little bit longer and then say 'OK, you are done now. I understand your worries but you are now reaching a point where it's hugely insulting and I don't want to hear any more comments, either overt or snide. It's my job. I love it. Get over it'
Just keep ramming home the safety aspect. A mate got his track safety certificate and I was at the depth of alertness they require.
Conversely, I have a internal tiswas every time DW gets hit by a resident. I know they're not responsible, I know it's part of the job, so I grit my teeth.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.