AIBU to change my mind about a dog?(42 Posts)
Dh has wanted a dog since we moved in together 5 yeats ago. Ive always said no as we have our hands full with children, plus the addrd expense and the commitnwnt ot takes.
om 15 weeks pregnant with dc3 and a bit hormornal, for some stupid reason i saod we could go and have a look at some puppies. Naturally we fell in love with one and paid a deposit. Not a huge amount and we still have £300 to pay.
ive come to my senses a bit and am worried about firstly how we can afford it, not thw puppy but the addotional costs such as vets bills, insurance, foot etc. and secondly how im going to cope with 3 kids and a dog. Dh sonetimes works away so i will have to be waking it with 3 children in tow in all weathers.
I know ive been an absolute dick in saying yes, but ive massively changed my mind. What do i tell him?
Excuse the typos, this shitty phone of mine.
That it isn't going to work - it will be a nightmare
How much working away does your DH do? If he can do 90% of the care for the dog that he wants but you would need to cover for him some of the time, that is not so bad as if it is really being bought so that he can play with it and you can meet its needs.
I agree costa, but im dreading telling him.
he works away for about a week every couple of months or so. He works 8-5 mon to fri aswell, so i would be looking after it through the day.
Id love a dog, but i just dont think we have thought through the practicalites.
If you are doubting it now, even before the puppy has arrived, then end it now. End the transaction now.
You'd be mad to get a puppy unless you're both 100% on board with the idea.
Add to that the fact you're 15 weeks pregnant and I don't think it's fair on anyone, least of all the puppy.
I'd wait a few more years and see how you feel then.
If he's working away so much then the work of the puppy is going to be on you. Tell him, quite simply, no. If he wants to care for a dog so badly he can volunteer at a shelter each weekend.
I have a dog and a 4yo and it's really hard. Dh leaves for work at 8am, I get up every morning at 6am to walk the dog before dd gets up, then walk her again as soon as I get in, or dh does if he's home first.
With 3 kids? Hell no. I'd honestly wait a few years
We have three young dc and a dog and its not bad at all. Dh walks her before work, anytime between 6am-8am and then again when he comes in at 5 and again at bedtime 10/11pm. I take her out at lunchtime for a little bit. The kids have waterproof suits which are great and your baby in pram will be nice and warm.
If you really don't want to go ahead then just be honest as you will resent having to care for a dog if you didn't want it
A puppy and a baby sounds like really hard work. Better to tell him now than to have to rehome it later.
Puppies are little buggers - for a looooong time
Just tell him, I'm sorry but I can't do this - what's the worst thing that will happen?
you need to make a decision on this before you take the dog home. It would be really unfair to have the dog for a few weeks/months and then return it. Please let the breeder know now so that they can find a suitable home for it.
The thing that confuses me is that you have being saying no to a dog for 5 years because you worry about the cost and commitment, but you are currently pregnant with a third child. If you have not got the time and money to look after a dog, how are you possibly coping with children?
The only reason I can see as a plus for getting a puppy right now, is that it will make a newborn baby seem like a walk in the park.
But as it seems you will have both, plus other children?
RUN! SAVE YOURSELF!
Getting a puppy caused a heck of a lot of problems, hard puppy, DP was far too hard on him, I wouldn't have coped with 3 DCs too! It can be done, but it's hard work and the mess will be huge.
Dogs are a huge commitment, especially puppies. They need care and socialising- not easy when very pregnant with small children. What happens if you have a C section? This would be unfair to a dog and unfair to your children who will fall in love with it. A badly socialised dog can be a nightmare, and you will have three small children, can you supervise them at all times playing with the dog? There are rescue centres full of dogs that have been rejected when a baby comes along. Dogs that have had a home find kennels very very difficult.
And then there is the cost. We pay £300 a year for insurance and that is at a basic level, but the excess is always more than any minor treatment. Two or three eye infections and that is £200 gone plus the cost of insurance.
Please take a step back and say that this is not the right time to get a dog. When your children are school age, consider it then.
A puppy will be pooing and peeing everywhere for weeks and your kids will be walking through it..
Also don't underestimate the cost. There are so many people who spend £££s on a puppy then can't afford basic veterinary care. Then the pup goes down with a vaccine preventable disease and the vet gets the flak when it costs money to try and save it with expensive drugs and hospitalisation. Seen it so many times. Budget a few 100 for vaccines, vet visits for tummy upsets, wormers etc just in the first year. That's on top of insurance (likely to be about £25 per month minimum) plus food of course, then kennels if you go away, plus damage to your house. The cost of the actual puppy is hardly anything compared with what it will cost to keep throughout its life.
Plus there are far too many unwanted dogs - no-one should be getting puppies from a breeder. Get a rescue instead. Basically for every person who buys a puppy, another older dog dies because there is no more room at the pound.
A dog is a serious commitment and you don't sound like you have really thought about it properly.....
YANBU. You would BU to change your mind when the dog, a lifetime commitment, is here.
It costs a fortune, puppies are hard work and you are busy enough right now.
Puppies are such hard work, and dogs don't really grow up until at least three years old.
I am likely to get flamed for this. I had a puppy when ds was just one. This was after losing our first dog.
When we got our first dog my DH wasn't on board at all. Long story short we took her back - he was gutted - so the next day we picked her up again. Looking back it was totally irresponsible. I am not even a 'dog person'. I needed something to love as didn't have children. It was the best thing I have ever done. And the day she had to be put down was one of the hardest days of both our lives.
The benefits having a dog/puppy has brought to our lives is immeasurable. We go out and about as a family in the great outdoors because of the dog. And the children have something to love and play with. Ds now. 2.5 tells me daily the dog is "my best friend".
I am also convinced having our first dog saved me from falling down a black hole with pnd. I Had to get out every day with her and we walked miles when dc1 was a baby.
I have a friend who got her puppy when her Ds was newborn ( he was prem). For her it was hard work but she wouldn't go back now.
Having a puppy is blinking hard work. Ours have both chewed. Everything. Toys, furniture, teddies left about.
On the plus side it's taught the kids to put their toys away better
Maybe also the puppy will be a distraction for the children too. You can involve them in the training. And you can get the basic training in place before baby arrives. It should by then be house trained and know commands. We have baby gates on most rooms to keep the dog and children apart but these could come down now (I wouldn't take them down).
A friend has twins and recently got a puppy. She said its been harder than the twins in the type of care needed. Puppy wees and is up during the night etc. Mind you the puppy is so sweet and she says shes a lot easier now but its taken a few months of 24/7 care to train. Yanbu op!
I have four children and got a puppy last year when my youngest was 4 and had just started school. It was exhausting and there is no way I could have coped with a puppy and a newborn at the same time. I would wait until your baby is older. Having a dog is brilliant in many ways, but it is a huge commitment and if I had had preschoolers at home whilst I was trying to housetrain the puppy and do basic training, I think I would have lost my sanity!
What type of dog is it? That makes a big difference in the type of care needed.
I know people who manage in your situation, but I know I couldn't! Puppies can be a lot of work and if you aren't on board with it it's probably best to wait. Better everyone is disappointed now than in a few weeks time, and it would be incredibly unfair on the puppy to be rehomed after you'd got it. Personally I always worry about dogs with newborns/babies, it only takes seconds for something to go wrong and with other children around the chances of keeping the dog shut separately is minimal.
There is a considerable expense too as others have said and a need for you to get out and walk it several times a day. Will your husband actually get up and walk it before work every day?!
Why does it have to be a puppy? We've just got a six year old rescue dog, after years of me saying no to a dog, and he's settled in really well, is already properly trained and is a joy to have around. DH does the vast majority of the walking even though he works long hours (one of the conditions was that the majority of the walking didn't fall to me).
My children are 12 & 13 but I couldn't cope with a puppy.
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