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to think that loneliness can be a bit like grief?

(37 Posts)
HappyWhenItRains Fri 22-Apr-16 18:16:26

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annabelcaramel Fri 22-Apr-16 18:21:35

If it's not too personal roughly how old are you? I think this sort of feeling is very common in your 20s and 30s. I know I went through the same. As with many things in life, "this too will pass' - which is f all use to you at the moment but is generally true. Have you any plans for the weekend?

HappyWhenItRains Fri 22-Apr-16 18:24:51

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ChemistryHunt Fri 22-Apr-16 18:29:18

Being lonely is horrid.

Do you have any interests or hobbies? You could probably find some clubs or groups, maybe even a course in something in your area so you have something to do and people to chat with. That way you will have more things to filled your time when your coupled up friends are busy.

I know that joining a new group or club alone can daunting but after the first couple of times it won't be as scary and you will meet more people to spend time with.

annabelcaramel Fri 22-Apr-16 18:29:46

Any prospective dates on the horizon? Any situations coming up where you might meet someone? (And I'm chatting on here as eh is working late so don't think if you do find the one the problem is solved!!!)

HappyWhenItRains Fri 22-Apr-16 18:33:29

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Catfartstink Fri 22-Apr-16 18:34:24

I was the same late twenties. I hated weekends
"Doing anything nice this weekend?"
"Did you do anything nice?"

Well actually I saw no one, I did nothing. I walked round a garden centre just to get out but that was it.

Looking back I know what I should have done, I should have volunteered doing the things I loved. But it never crossed my mind.

Find something youd love to do. It will help meet people and give you things to occupy you

HappyWhenItRains Fri 22-Apr-16 18:37:01

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annabelcaramel Fri 22-Apr-16 18:41:02

If I were in the same situation again I think I would consider St John's Ambulance - learn useful skills, plus get the opportunity to go to festivals and events etc for free. And most employers pay you a bit more if you are first aid trained. Win win!

mrsmeerkat Fri 22-Apr-16 18:47:14

I have totally been there op and also in my late 20s

It is horrible. I cried a lot. You cannot let it get to you though. I forced myself out every weekend and met dh when I was thirty. married a year later and had two dc within 2 years.

All I would say op is life will never be perfect. ever. noones life is. There are lots of families I know who look so happy on the outside but major rifts and problems. cancer etc

I am truly not trying to be all doom and gloom but these days of your life could be some of your best. I worked abroad (tefl) bought a house and renovated it. When dh and I married he did say he liked my resilience ans independence so maybe try (force yourself) to get out there even tired at weekend's etc

and lastly... big hugs and keep the faith.

sara11272 Fri 22-Apr-16 18:48:57

Completely get where you're coming from. I have been married a long time, but OH works shifts so I am often on my own at the weekends. Before having children I was often lonely.

Looking back now on those years where I wasted my weekends flicking through the music channels, mooching round shops and doing housework, I think why on earth didn't I volunteer, learn to bake, do some classes, go to a gym, join a club etc etc. I know it can be hard to motivate yourself after a full week at work, but my advice would be, just do it!

Even if you don't make 'friends' you'll be out in the world interacting with people. Don't fill your whole weekends up with stuff, just do enough to give you some structure and make you appreciate the downtime by yourself. That's certainly what I do if I had my time again.

For now, maybe a glass of wine and watch some rubbish telly that a partner or housemate would scoff at - Real Housewives of Cheshire is my rubbish of choice, but feel free to choose something equally pants! And good luck, it's not nice feeling alone flowers

Catfartstink Fri 22-Apr-16 18:52:04

Yes I did, he was someone id known for around 10 years. He'd just sort of always been there but never anything romantic before.

That time was a sad time, I too adored my job and threw everything into it working until the office shut. But I do think I'd have benefitted by doing something like volunteering / another job. Just getting out and meeting people. Not necessarily every week but just something regular as a way of meeting people and doing something worthwhile. Week day job was a crazy head office role of a retail giant so doing something rewarding actually worthwhile would have been refreshing.

Somerville Fri 22-Apr-16 18:53:01

Not to have a go, but having experienced a bit of loneliness and a lot of grief in recent times, loneliness really isn't as bad. (Grief is so overwhelming that I didn't even notice how lonely I was until I started to emerge from the fog of it.)

Now, I appreciate the loneliness. Because it is an emotion that I can do something about. We humans are social creatures and feeling lonely is our signal to ourselves to go out and connect with other people. So whilst the feeling isn't pleasant, it is necessary, and there are, almost always, plenty of ways to go out and get more contact with other human beings.

HappyWhenItRains Fri 22-Apr-16 18:56:47

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SaucyJack Fri 22-Apr-16 19:05:04

Do you know what it is you'd rather be doing?

Is it a romantic partner you're craving? Nights out with friends? Someone talk politics with?

Loneliness sucks the boaby.

annabelcaramel Fri 22-Apr-16 19:05:38

Another way to get out there and meet people is bar work- but do pick the bar/pub carefully. If you work with the right crowd it can be great fun and gives you a social side too. Pub I once worked in had a good mix of staff all in situation as you describe or similar. Or theatre box office etc, even if unpaid gives a social side where you meet new people, their friends etc

KERALA1 Fri 22-Apr-16 19:11:07

I always had flatmates at that stage - lived with my sister and a friend which was great as usually someone around to chat to. Just as they moved in with their boyfriends I met Dh at work (29).

Zaurak Fri 22-Apr-16 19:11:27

flowers op. I moved abroad to be with my dh and I have no friends here. My (very small) family is back in the uk. Dh works long hours, ds can't talk yet and I am very, very lonely.
It's a cold country - very unfriendly people. I look ahead and see a life without friends and feel despair.
Hope you find a way

YouSay Fri 22-Apr-16 19:12:40

Been there and it was horrible at the time. I would also compare to grief. Functioning in life but so alone. All my friends were coupled up and I would leave work on a sunny Friday to go home to nothing. Meanwhile listening to everyone else's plans. There is a really good app - I will try to find it - which links you in to group night outs in your area. For example group night for females who like restaurants, groups for walking, groups for clubbing etc. From what I could see there only ever ends up about 8 to 15 per group so totally manageable. It is usually same sex so not dating.

HappyWhenItRains Fri 22-Apr-16 19:14:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catfartstink Fri 22-Apr-16 19:23:37

You've already one up on the twenty something version of me for not settling for a tosser wink.

Acornacorn Fri 22-Apr-16 19:25:23

I remember feeling lonely in my late twenties at weekends too. I had a DP/DH but he used to go away for months at a time.
One thing I found really worked for me was to plan something for every weekend. I would arrange to see a friend one weekend, join a walking group another weekend, see my family the next etc. By having a plan, the weekends didn't take me by surprise - and be long and dull. And the more things I planned, the more in the habit it became to be out there meeting new people.
Now in my early 30s I've found a class to go to every Saturday morning. It's ideal because it gets me out of the house and kick starts the weekend.

Acornacorn Fri 22-Apr-16 19:26:41

Oh and try meetups

Gwenhwyfar Fri 22-Apr-16 19:33:19

I agree with the suggestion of meetups and any social groups whether just to socialise, like City Socializer (has a fee) or interest groups where there's a social side as well. Also clubs and societies like Toastmasters, but these things vary in how social they are. People often suggest evening classes, but in my experience very few of them have a drink/social afterwards.

What I tell myself is that I might be even lonelier if I had children. I'd have to stay in a lot and probably leave my job to be with a baby that can't have a conversation.

Chocolatefudgecake100 Fri 22-Apr-16 19:38:37

U need to get yourself out there this is 2016 we have tinder and various other things to meet people in a similar situation i know that tinder has a bad name but its worth a go? Good luck and hugs

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