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MIL has accused me of cheating on DH!

(103 Posts)
DillyDingDillyDong Fri 22-Apr-16 16:00:43

I've been losing weight and trying to get my confidence up a bit with a new hair do, new clothes, make up, nails eyebrows etc. I have felt really frumpy since DS (1) was born so thought I'd try and give myself a boost.

It's really worked and I am starting to enjoy the occasional meet up with friends which I wouldn't do before. I used to make excuses as I felt like a fat mum! DH has noticed a change in me and even though he says that he loved me the was I was I know he likes the more confident me better. I'm more like the person I was when we first started going out.

I've joined the gym and got a personal trainer, let's call him Paul. Paul called me the other day when MIL was here and I went in the other room to answer. I made plans to see him at the gym the next day for a session. I came back in and MIL had clearly been trying to listen in. She asked who it was and I just said it was someone from the gym.

This weekend a friend of mine has booked last minute flights home and has arranged a last minute get together. DH was invited too but he has plans so I said I'd stay with DS and see the friend Sunday morning instead. DH decided to call MIL to see if she could have DS for a couple of hours on Saturday while we're both out. DH came back in and said in a really serious voice "I think we need to talk."

I started to worry and he said he'd spoken to MIL and she thinks I might be hiding something and if I am I should tell him now. I was a bit taken aback and couldn't think what he meant. He must have saw my worried face because he burst out laughing and apologised but said that MIL has just told him I had lied to her about speaking to a man named Paul and arranging to meet up with him while DH was in work. She said he should get evidence of me meeting this friend as she thinks there is something going on. He obviously to,d her she was being ridiculous and she said that its the only way to explain the sudden change in appearance and all these afternoons/nights out. (I've had maybe four over the last two months)

He said that he trusts me and he knows I'm not cheating on him and that he was annoyed that she had came to this conclusion without talking to either of us first, but also said that it isn't any of her business what I get up to anyway. She said she was just worried about him and DS and doesn't want to have to pick up the pieces when I leave.

DH was angry at first, but obviously couldn't resist winding me up, and now finds the whole thing so ridiculous it's funny. I am sat here fuming that she came to that conclusion and has accused me of cheating!

Would it be unreasonable for me to call her and give her a piece of my mind?

Kelandry Fri 22-Apr-16 16:05:31

You need to start winding mil up. Secret calls to your dh Paul where you make sexual innuendos etc. Ask dh to give you a love bite and try to 'hide it' from mil.

DillyDingDillyDong Fri 22-Apr-16 16:07:35

Yes Kelandry!!! That would be hilarious! I a, trying my hardest to see the funny side of it all and that has definitely helped. smile

I'm also sure that Paul would join in with a bit of the fun too, I could get him to call the landline and leave a message for MIL to hear grin

curren Fri 22-Apr-16 16:08:49

She is being ridiculous. But why let it wind you up?

Your dh doesn't believe it and told her straight.

What's your relationship like with here general?

If it's good, then probably she genuinely believed she was right and was concerned for her son.

DillyDingDillyDong Fri 22-Apr-16 16:13:20

It's an ok relationship in that I can be around her without any problems and can have a conversation with her. I think that's mostly due to the effort that I've put in though. She's quite controlling and we've had our fair share of disagreements. She made it clear from the start that she was the main woman in DH's life and went insane when I suggested we got our first flat in another city. I've always felt like she doesn't think I'm good enough for DH.

NeedACleverNN Fri 22-Apr-16 16:13:51

Bloody interfering woman

Let it wash over you this time. Your dh supports and believes you. That is all that matters

how is your SIL now dilly

hedgehogsdontbite Fri 22-Apr-16 16:16:53

I'd be furious too. I'm not sure I'd even be able to speak to her I'd be so angry. Yes she's being ridiculous and it's great your DH knew that, but what if he didn't? What if she inadvertently planted the seeds of mistrust?

DillyDingDillyDong Fri 22-Apr-16 16:17:18

SIL us her usual self! She posted a video of a dog and baby doing something together the other day and said how it would be cuter if it was just dogs! She's not seen us since we met up with her after DS's birthday but I'm almost certain she's been filled in on this by MIL!

NeedACleverNN Fri 22-Apr-16 16:18:37

All fun and games then ey grin

DillyDingDillyDong Fri 22-Apr-16 16:20:26

Haha sure is NeedACleverNN!

Does anyone have a spare MiL and SIL that I could borrow please?

NeedACleverNN Fri 22-Apr-16 16:21:10

You wouldn't want mine! Trust me!

My mil is starting to behave herself but my SIL is still bat shit crazy! She's also incredibly violent

handslikecowstits Fri 22-Apr-16 16:21:55

I'd be fucking furious. Shit stirring bitch. Don't know if I'd phone her and play hell though. I'd want to but I don't know if I actually would. Looks like your husband handled it well.

Pseudo341 Fri 22-Apr-16 16:22:18

How's your relationship with her been prior to this point? If you've always got on well I think for the sake of future peace I'd be inclined to just take her to one side and reassure her that she'll never have to worry about that sort of thing. It's likely she comes from a generation where people generally didn't form friendships with members of the opposite sex, especially not if they were married, and any such friendship would automatically be assumed to be suspicious. She's jumped to the wrong conclusion and her first instinct has been to protect her son. Yes it's bloody insulting that she said it and you have every right to be furious. But unless you have other reasons to not get on with her it might be best to try and smooth things over. If you get on with her well enough you could even tell her that you're offended, but do it gently and give her a chance to apologise. If she's normally the MIL from hell though do have lots of fun winding her up.

curren Fri 22-Apr-16 16:22:26

In that case I would be inclined to ignore her behaviour.

Why let her think it has got to you, or give her anymore fuel.

Let her think your dh was annoyed but now you both see the funny side as it's such a stupid thing for her to say. Totally stupid and so ridiculous.

Pseudo341 Fri 22-Apr-16 16:24:43

Okay that took me so long to type I've missed a lot. Sounds like she needs some winding up over this. Milk it for all it's worth grin

ollieplimsoles Fri 22-Apr-16 16:26:48

Stupid bitch

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Fri 22-Apr-16 16:27:18

cheeky whatsit!!!....i'd be really furious

looks like mr dingdong has her measure. I'd maybe play her at her own game...say you phoned her and got no answer, was she boffing the milkman/postman? Or was it her you saw in the reclining seat of that car with the next door neighbour? ...and kudos on getting her feet up onto the dashboard

coconutpie Fri 22-Apr-16 16:28:26

Jees dilly, your in-laws are bonkers. First SIL, and now MIL. flowers

WannaBe Fri 22-Apr-16 16:32:59

Hmm, if a poster came on here and said that a friend/sil had recently changed their appearance drastically, had taken a phone call from another man while they were there and been evasive about who it was people would say she was right to be suspicious.

If it was brother's wife people might actually tell her to speak to the sil or get more detail but from the other side people wouldn't consider it interfering if the other party felt there was something untoward going on.

Personally there is middle ground here. It's perfectly normal to change one's weight/appearance after having a baby in order to get yourself back, equally there's nothing wrong with having any kind of interaction with members of the opposite sex and for all of that to be perfectly innocent. but equally change of appearance/spending a lot of time in the company of another man/taking what appears to be secretive phone calls could be something to be suspicious of. Personally I know of at least one woman who left her husband for her personal trainer...

If your DH knows that there's nothing going on then you have no reason to be furious. His mother is looking out for him. Playing games getting Paul to leave messages on your answerphone or pretending to speak to another man when you're actually talking to DH is really not a good idea. If you have nothing to hide then what's the problem?

rwilkinson84 Fri 22-Apr-16 16:41:22

Wow your MIL sounds like a right PITA!

I'd be furious as well and probably wouldn't be able to help myself and give her a piece of my mind, but it's probably not the best way to deal with it.
I'd leave it for now as it sounds like your DH has sorted it out and told her where to go.

AnnieNoMouse Fri 22-Apr-16 16:47:25

Hmm, if a poster came on here and said that a friend/sil had recently changed their appearance drastically, had taken a phone call from another man while they were there and been evasive about who it was people would say she was right to be suspicious.
I think most of the posters on here would tell the suspicious friend to keep his/her beak out

kaitlinktm Fri 22-Apr-16 16:48:25

The cheeky mare - what a nasty mind. I would have been offended and furious I'm afraid and I would have said so (probably along with a load of pompous twaddle about slander blush ).

But really though - how very dare she? If I were in my shoes I would be so embarrassed - but I expect she's hard-faced with the hide of a rhino.

kaitlinktm Fri 22-Apr-16 16:49:14

... sorry - if I were in HER shoes - doh

centigrade451 Fri 22-Apr-16 16:54:28

To be honest, thinking from a mother's perspective, wouldn't we all do the same if we had a notion (however deranged/deluded it is) that our daughter in law is getting calls from other men, wouldn't we all mention it to our sons.

Call me old fashioned but personally I think a male personal trainer for a married woman is inappropriate.

MrsLupo Fri 22-Apr-16 16:55:53

Sounds like your DH handled it really well, and it's good that you can have a laugh about it together, but in your shoes I have to say I would be outraged. If your marriage were less strong or your DH less secure as a person, unfounded insinuations like that could do real damage. I think I would be tempted to point that out to her, if not this time then next time she sticks her beaky nose into your business for any reason.

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