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To not feel up to hosting many playdates?

(21 Posts)
lill72 Fri 22-Apr-16 13:32:15

My DD is in reception and I have an 18 month old DD. I find it hard enough just trying to run the household and ferry DD 's to various activities. Others seem to have many playdates in reception but have older sibilings. I just don't feel up to it most days as I can barely keep on top of the housework. The thought of having to look after another 5 year old, plus give them dinner, plus possibly entertain the parent with teas etc is just all a bit much. Anyone else feel the same? I don't think it would be so bad if it wasn't dinner also, but this seems to be the done thing!

WorraLiberty Fri 22-Apr-16 13:38:57

I never did 'hosting' and I never did 'playdates'.

What I did, was allow my DC to bring a friend home from school to play and have a bit of dinner, when it actually suited me.

Much less formal, much less hassle and much more enjoyable sometimes as there was no pressure.

PipnPosy Fri 22-Apr-16 13:43:48

I have 3 kids, each two years apart so when my DD was in reception I also had a 3 year old and 1 year old and I just could not face play dates at all. Even my DD going round other people's houses was a faff as I would have to drag the others out to pick her up and then feel guilty if I didn't reciprocate. DD is now year 2 and I'm fine with playdates; in fact it's usually easier with another child over as they all go off and play together and leave me in peace! I usually do jacket potatoes with various toppings for tea so pickier guests have a bit of choice.

So no advice as such but don't feel guilty if you can't face it and I'm sure it'll change as they get older. Equally, they're usually not as bad as you imagine!

lill72 Fri 22-Apr-16 13:46:38

Yes I usually only have the friend, but you always have to offer tea etc when the parent picks up. I just find the whole dinner/tea/play thing had as I am trying to manage my 18 month old at same time. Sometimes the 5 year olds treat younger sibiling like a doll and wheel her round in a dolls pram etc so I can't realy leave them to play and cook dinner etc. Then I go to another friends house (who has older children) and she is serving teas, cooking curries for DH, aother meal for children and I feel very inadequate. But I have to remember I have an younger child.

But you are right, just keep low key....

lill72 Fri 22-Apr-16 13:47:34

Thanks PipnPosy - all very true words!

lill72 Fri 22-Apr-16 13:49:27

Forgot to mention - I am usually very sleep deprived too...

WorraLiberty Fri 22-Apr-16 14:02:15

Yes I usually only have the friend, but you always have to offer tea etc when the parent picks up.

Oh gosh. I have 3 DC, they're teens/adult now and I don't ever remember offering tea or being offered tea at pick up times.

Most parents just wanted to grab and run. In fact we were all most appreciative to arrive and find the kids had their coats and shoes on, ready to leave.

Most parents (ime) were too busy to stop for tea etc, as they had other kids to get back to.

Lifecanonlygetbetter Fri 22-Apr-16 14:11:07

When we did play dates I explained that both our children ate later in the evening when their dad got home so I would just be giving all the children a drink and a snack to keep them going. Then If someone lingered when they were collecting I could say 'lovely to see you, I am just in the middle of making dinner, maybe we could have a chat when we aren't both so busy'.

Joolsy Fri 22-Apr-16 14:18:07

Don't ever feel you need to offer a cup of tea. This only happens with me if the mum is a friend of mine, but even then we're usually pushed for time. If you know what time the parent is coming to collect, get the child ready with coat, bag etc and take them to the front door when the bell rings. I wouldn't be offended by not being offered a cup of tea at all

allowlsthinkalot Fri 22-Apr-16 19:44:44

My year 1 dd has two younger siblings, 4 and 17 months. I do just let them all play in dd's bedroom together and I have never invited the parent in or offered tea when they collect. Other parents seem to do the same as me. I have never been offered tea either.

lill72 Sat 23-Apr-16 09:17:36

Thanks everyone - makes me feel a little less pressure to offer teas etc.
It just all seems so hard sometimes - when really it is just about a little friend coming over!

DonutSpeakToMe Sat 23-Apr-16 09:20:07

I usually drop the child home after and then know need for chaos of parents coming in.

Cuppaand2biscuits Sat 23-Apr-16 09:34:29

I love hosting and filling my house with people and children. But that's me and I understand that not everyone does and I never expect invitations to be reciprocated so don't feel pressure to invite people over if you don't want to.
My youngest is coming up to 3 years old now and it's getting easier in terms being less tired and managing to do more housework and feel on top of things.

MrsJayy Sat 23-Apr-16 10:37:22

My youngest is 18 and this whole concept of playdates baffle me the kids had friends over when it suited me I dont understand the upkeep of childrens social life you are busy you dont want to have kids over all the time and thats fine.

gamerchick Sat 23-Apr-16 10:40:16

You don't have to do them ever you know. My elder 2 it was very rare and they aren't nilly no mates.

Just stop doing it, you don't have too.

boopsy Sat 23-Apr-16 10:56:50

They are no longer toddlers so its fine to just have the child for a play and tea. My kids are older now but i never offered cups of tea to parents at pick up time nor they me. Just a quick 'they have been fine', how much/what they had eaten, see u later, goodbye!!

Kerberos Sat 23-Apr-16 11:03:14

It gets much easier when they're older. I like having their friends here but it's all low key too. They'll come round and just fit in with us. we live in A renovation project house so everyone has to just accept that too.

Kerberos Sat 23-Apr-16 11:03:41

So i would skip it for now and when she's older think about it then

Trumpette Sat 23-Apr-16 11:06:20

Interesting post. My children are the same age differences as your children, although they are now 11 and 8!

When I was in a similar situation I felt the same as you have other distractions!

What I would say is that my eldest had the occasional play date but not weekly! She is currently very happy and has a variety of friends. So whatever you choose to do your child will be fine.

motherinferior Sat 23-Apr-16 11:26:51


Bugger the housework. Invite small friend over. Leave them to it. At teatime provide pasta with tomato sauce, and an ice lolly to follow. Offer collecting parent a cup of tea/glass of wine ONLY if you feel like it.

This may not work at five but it will definitely do the job in a year or so. Job done.

motherinferior Sat 23-Apr-16 11:27:49

That should say choc ice not ice lolly. Fab things, choc ices.

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