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It's a wedding invite one...

(536 Posts)
gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn Fri 22-Apr-16 11:45:14

In an effort to avoid a few posts in here about me later in the year- I need some guidance on how to ensure maximum reasonableness.

So, wedding next year, were about to book venue. Number 1 choice is somewhere we love, it's a bit luxury and a very special place for us. We're having a medium sized wedding c.70 guests. There's nowhere else that compares for us. Now the problem, they have a rule that all guests must be residents in the hotel- everyone must stay. It's expensive. Most guests don't live locally, so realistically would need a hotel room anyway. We don't have the budget to pay for the rooms for everyone. Some of our guest wouldn't bat an eyelid at the cost, some wouldn't be able to afford it. We could probably pay 50% of total room bill in our budget. So subsidise all rooms until they cost £50-75 per person ish? How would we even begin to word it on an invite?

How do we avoid being unreasonable? Should we give up and look elsewhere?


PurpleDaisies Fri 22-Apr-16 11:47:05

There's no way I'd impose a rule that all guests have to stay, regardless of how cheap their stay was. Sorry but I'd be looking for somewhere else.

gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn Fri 22-Apr-16 11:48:40

I'm so torn, I keep thinking it's not that different to a wedding abroad... Many people will be travelling 300 miles anyway

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 22-Apr-16 11:49:39

Yes that's a tricky one. I love weddings, the cost wouldn't bother us, so we'd be the first to reply 'yes'.

I think if you can subsidise the rooms you should, so somehow need to include it in the invitation. Perhaps add a separate letter detailing it attached to the invitation?

RidersOnTheStorm Fri 22-Apr-16 11:50:33

No way can you insist guests stay at the hotel. Very rude.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 22-Apr-16 11:51:03

Could you run it past a few family and friends? They are typical of your guests so get an idea how they would find it before you decide?

CalleighDoodle Fri 22-Apr-16 11:51:19

i dont think you can.

Do you mean all rooms in the hotel must be paid for? Because i don't see how they could say every guest must stay?

GrimmauldPlace Fri 22-Apr-16 11:51:45

What are the hotel saying about the rooms, do you have to block book them? Because you might end up having to pay for them whether guests stay or not. What will you do then?

Personally, I'd find it really cheeky to be told I have to stay there whether I want to or not.

PotatoesPastaAndBread Fri 22-Apr-16 11:52:06

There was a thread on here recently where the couple needed guests to stay at their venue. Not all the guests did. The couple had to pay for the unsold rooms in order to keep the venue. It caused all sorts of unnecessary stress. I would say don't book a venue where you rely on others paying to stay there because it's out of your control.

SparkleSoiree Fri 22-Apr-16 11:52:09

I think you need to look at the total cost incurred by each guest. Some buy new clothing, a gift for the couple, then there is travel costs and 300 miles is a huge chunk of a tank of fuel (£50-£60?) Add the room cost on there and then consider it.

Have you considered other venues where accommodation is included in your total cost? Other areas in the country are not as expensive and will probably come into your budget. Just a thought...

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 22-Apr-16 11:52:13

Sorry but that's a totally shit rule. Even if you susidise rooms some people may not be able to afford it or even want to stay. I probably wouldn't want your forced to stay somewhere, so probably would make my excuses.

emsyj Fri 22-Apr-16 11:52:18

If the rule is that, essentially, you have to book and pay for all the available rooms to use the venue, I wouldn't book it unless you could easily and with a smile on your face book and pay for the whole lot yourself. Otherwise you are going to find it very stressful - and there is also the potential to fall out with people over it. I would look elsewhere and save the headache and the heartache.

WorraLiberty Fri 22-Apr-16 11:52:30

I'd find somewhere else.

Tbh I think the hotel are bang out of order, virtually holding you and therefore your guests to ransom like that.

Even if I was sure all the guests could afford it, I wouldn't be happy to give them my custom.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 22-Apr-16 11:53:09

Is it because it's not normally used for weddings so they are turning the general public away? Or is it a venue specifically for weddings.

InlandTiger Fri 22-Apr-16 11:53:12

I think you should look elsewhere. If you could afford to pay for the rooms, it wouldn't be an issue, but you're demanding all guests stay at the hotel, which you are not prepared to pay for! Paying only 50% is rude. What if some people want to leave the same day? What if only half your guests accept the invitation, who will cover the cost of the rooms?

Presumably bride and groom usually cover the cost of all the rooms, giving them exclusive use of the hotel and fasciitis. You are therefore asking your guests to cover 50% of the bill for hiring the venue.

gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn Fri 22-Apr-16 11:53:14

No it's not all rooms just that they can't accommodate guests who are not resident. So everyone who's coming would need to book a room.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Fri 22-Apr-16 11:53:59

The guests have to stay?

I'd query that. It's a wedding, not a hostage situation.

lilydaisyrose Fri 22-Apr-16 11:54:06

I know this isn't the answer you want, but I'd be super pissed off and probably wouldn't/couldn't come. We have a very limited disposable income - it already costs £££ to go to a wedding with clothes, kilt hire, gift, travel, spending money etc - which would probably be our entire holiday/fun budget for the year. If we were travelling to a wedding, due to budget, we'd try and stay with family or friends or book Travellodge or similar accommodation.

If you are totally set on this venue, I really think you need to consider cutting back significantly in oher areas and paying for all accommodation yourself.

gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn Fri 22-Apr-16 11:54:06

It would never be exclusive use- it's a massive venue, couple of hundred rooms I think

HackerFucker22 Fri 22-Apr-16 11:54:38

I wouldn't personally.

Yes most of your guests may be traveling, yes most of them may need a hotel but to tell then they have to stay somewhere is not really on IMO.

£75pp is still pretty expensive, although I'd maybe check how other local hotel / B&B prices compare.

You have to factor in a certain % wont come as the cost is prohibitive - regardless of where they stay - I couldn't afford an overnight wedding at the moment!

sugarmonster64 Fri 22-Apr-16 11:54:47

the way we recently has it worded to us was "you've been invited to join us to stay at xx for the wedding weekend. Room cost of £xx per person for the stay including breakfast etc" they had to pay whether or not they had all rooms full or none but wasn't worded like that and they made it just comparable to staying in a local hotel so for most if was easiest option

CalleighDoodle Fri 22-Apr-16 11:55:17

You need to book elsewhere.

sugarmonster64 Fri 22-Apr-16 11:56:21

Oh if it's not exclusive that's another ball game. I'd welcome the opportunity to stay at the venue but think you can't dictate to people.

HackerFucker22 Fri 22-Apr-16 11:56:28

How bizarre.

How the fuck can a hotel insist all guests have to be residents for a wedding if it's not to do with exclusivity?

I'd be looking elsewhere on principle.

mouldycheesefan Fri 22-Apr-16 11:56:37

This is crazy! They have a rule that only people staying at the hotel can be guests at a wedding there?
It's normal to say that if you want exclusive use of a venue you need to book the whole place but I have never heard of a Rule that says you cannot attend the wedding if you don't sleep at the hotel.
You are effectively telling your guests that as well as the normal travel, present, etc costs of attending a wedding, that they must pay 50-£75 each for accommodation. Some would be happy with that and appreciate the subsidy you are paying, but others won't. Also the subsidy will cost you £50 per guest minimum X 70 guests = £3500.
You love th venue, but keep looking.
I loved a venue we found but kept looking found something much better.yes people get married abroad but you aren't doing that.

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