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AIBU?

to stand my ground with mil about the venue for ds christening party.

71 replies

Ahappynewmummy · 21/04/2016 11:44

basically that. don't want to drip feed so going to explain everything. the church where we're having the christening is walking distance from mil. we chose that church not because of that but it was where DP was christened. it's also within 20 mins max for people on DP side of the family. my family is 30 mins plus from the church. because of this I want the party in the middle of everyone so people who couldn't make the ceremony can come to the party afterwards and when people want to leave it's not far for everyone.

I found the area roughly in the middle and I told mil. she screwed her nose up and went no you don't want it there have it at the pub by the church. I explained that I want it in the middle so people who couldn't come to the ceremony can come to the party and that some of my family members live and hour away.

so aibu to put my foot down and want it in the middle or am I making it harder for people. I'm thinking she wants it by hers so it's closer for her to get back home, so she can have a drink and not have to drive?

OP posts:

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Birdsgottafly · 21/04/2016 11:48

I think you could be making it harder.

The main consideration is parking and how many are going to come to the ceremony afterwards.

What's the travelling time from the Church to the venue?

DonkeyOaty · 21/04/2016 11:49

Well it ain't her party so she can screw up her nose as much as she likes

You have the party where it suits you and your partner

Perhaps ask MIL to make the cake, keep her busy with a special task

mouldycheesefan · 21/04/2016 11:49

Have it where you want it. But would the pub by the church not actually reduce the driving as people can walk there after rather than drive to a different venue?
Everyone is within an hour if the church so there are no really long journeys involved. I would go for the pub by the church.

NapQueen · 21/04/2016 11:52

I don't understand what you are having to stand your ground for? Presumably all she has done is express her opinion? You are a grown woman who will, surely, book and arrange the event, so her opinion is irrelevant.

You just go ahead with the day you and dh want. Why is she getting a say?

RaeSkywalker · 21/04/2016 11:52

It's up to you where you have it! I think I'd go to the pub though: if I was a guest I'd find it more inconvenient to have to drive between venues.

Ahappynewmummy · 21/04/2016 11:52

from the church to the venue is about 15mins if that. so it's still closer for her side of the family than mine.

my DP thinks if I let her have it her desired location she'll want to dictate what food what decorations what cake/who makes the cake even though I bake cakes for a side job.

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playftseforme · 21/04/2016 11:53

The pub sounds like the more straightforward option for all guests

DoreenLethal · 21/04/2016 11:54

my DP thinks if I let her have it her desired location she'll want to dictate what food what decorations what cake/who makes the cake even though I bake cakes for a side job

He knows her best.

RainbowFlower24 · 21/04/2016 11:54

As above. Once I've driven to an event, does seem like hassle to drive to another venue. Unless of course the pub is horrid. Have a lovely time!

AnUtterIdiot · 21/04/2016 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ahappynewmummy · 21/04/2016 11:56

we never asked for her say or input she either takes over, ignores our requests and goes ahead with what she wants or says snide comments till we give in to stop them.

she also said don't send invitations to so and so cause they won't come. I said why won't they. she couldn't reply. I went I'm still going to send them one so they can't say they was never invited.

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RainbowFlower24 · 21/04/2016 11:58

That sounds lovely that she wants to input. Why not have a good chat about flowers and deco with her -no one else is going to get as excited about it. Will she feel unhappy if it doesn't exactly match her ideas in the end? And of course if you want to make the cake you will - just tell her how excited you are to be doing that.

Ahappynewmummy · 21/04/2016 11:58

I haven't saw the venue yet so will decide on if to have it there or not first.

I was thinking. depending on what time the service is, if the church has an area we could rent we could have the food there but then we'd have to supply our own drinks and if it's a party people like to drink.

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RainbowFlower24 · 21/04/2016 11:59

Cross post - sounds a bit trickier

Oysterbabe · 21/04/2016 12:01

It would annoy me to have to drive miles to another venue after the service. By putting it in the middle you're making it inconvenient for everyone rather than some members of your family who would just have to travel a little bit further.

Ahappynewmummy · 21/04/2016 12:02

I have no problem with her input. I'm asking her to help me pick out a suit for him (we're using a christening rove for the service) and I think she wants to pay for it. she can help give me ideas but I'm going to make it clear if me and my DP doesn't like them not to get upset.

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Ahappynewmummy · 21/04/2016 12:04

now people have said it'll be an inconvenience I can see why she mentioned the pub. if family won't travel there then they aren't that bothered.

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LagunaBubbles · 21/04/2016 12:05

Whilst it is your choice it would annoy me to having to go somewhere else not near the church after the service, I dont get the "so its more convenient for the people that dont come to the ceremony"...surely thts the most important part, are there lots of people just coming to the party then?

WonderingAspie · 21/04/2016 12:06

I'll go against the grain. I've never been to a Christening or wedding that had the after bit next to the main venue. All (Bar 1 wedding) has meant a drive. It's never bothered me. What you are proposing sounds fine, it isn't far and your DH knows his mother, listen to him.

kali110 · 21/04/2016 12:07

That would annoy me. Id rather go somewhere near to the chirch.

MattDillonsPants · 21/04/2016 12:09

It seems pointless to have it away from the church. You're complicating things. People will have to find parking spaces twice instead of once!

LaContessaDiPlump · 21/04/2016 12:12

I think pub next to the church is probably easiest in terms of logistics, tbf. However your DP's words of caution should not be ignored.

I would do the following:

visit pub next to church, decide if you like it
if you like it, discuss catering/decoration with the owners.
confirm with owners what sort of catering/decoration you would like.
confirm with owners/caterers that changes to these agreed details CAN ONLY COME FROM YOU OR DP (no family members - be very clear on this). Make sure you've given them your DP's name for reference.
next time you see MIL, tell her catering/decoration are done and sorted and that you intend to do the cake yourself and that you're super-excited about the cake bit.

Leave her something to do as other posters have said, but guard the other bits as much as you can.

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OliviaStabler · 21/04/2016 12:13

Did she say why she did not want to have it at the venue she suggested? Maybe the place has a bad reputation or she's been there and was to happy?

Ahappynewmummy · 21/04/2016 12:14

I'm going to look at this pub she's said if I think it's fine then I'll go there so then she's had her say and input.

like wondering I've never been to a christening nor wedding where the venue was next to the place so in my experience I don't think driving to another place is extra work, but hearing other people's views I can see people probably will be annoyed.

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Ahappynewmummy · 21/04/2016 12:18

she's been there before and thinks it's a nice venue so I don't know what her problem was unless she doesn't think it's fair her family will have to travel or she'll have to drive away from her house I honestly don't know.

she doesn't like it when people don't do what she wants. she cries and makes people feel bad so she's use to having her own way.

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