To be upset over a photo

(45 Posts)
mininionsteve Wed 20-Apr-16 16:45:34

Went to BIL wedding. The couple had all the usual photos. Extended fam, parents, siblings etc. When it came to the close family shot they didn't invite me to be a part of it. It was bride and groom, DH and DHs parents. I'm feeling a bit hurt and left out to not have been included. I am 30 weeks pregnant with their nephew/grandson surely I'm a part of the family? I already had the impression that they didn't like me, this seems like it's pretty clear. Am I just being tired and emotional or just plain dramatic?

FelicityGubbins Wed 20-Apr-16 16:53:53

When I got married I had a picture of just me, my DP' s and my siblings with no in-laws or nephews and nieces included, I think there is also one of me with DH and my parents and siblings.
It wasn't that I don't love my in-laws, I just wanted a photo of my original nuclear family, don't take it to heart smile

IWantMyMumSheWouldBeProud Wed 20-Apr-16 16:55:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BYOSnowman Wed 20-Apr-16 16:57:39

Were you in other photos?

I don't think it's that unusual tbh and at both my in laws weddings they had a photo just with parents and siblings so the kids and I weren't in it. They also had photos with me/kids

I was (thankfully) only in one photo at Bil wedding and I had my eyes closed so wish I'd been left out of that one too!!

Costacoffeeplease Wed 20-Apr-16 17:01:33

I think it's normal just to have the nuclear family - it's just one photo out of many isn't it?

Hulababy Wed 20-Apr-16 17:03:27

I have a picture of just me and DH, my parents and my siblings. I also have one of just me (not DH) with them too. DH has similar. They are nice to have, and especially nice for our parents to have.

So long as you were included in other family type shots I don't see an issue, tbh.

GinAndColonic Wed 20-Apr-16 17:03:37

Yabu. It was parents and their 2 sons. Not 'immediate family'

I would want that picture

TurnOffTheTv Wed 20-Apr-16 17:05:34

Just dramatic. Pretty standard just to have parents and siblings in one photo. What if you split up? They'd have to cut you out 😂

Arfarfanarf Wed 20-Apr-16 17:08:05

Did they include other partners in similar shots? Eg a pic of the bride and groom, bride's parents, bride's siblings and their partners?
Assuming bride had parents or siblings with partners.

I think only if others of equal closeness as you were included where you were not could you assume there was a problem with you.

Otherwise parents and siblings only is not a snub.

It would expand outwards to the next 'tier' so to speak and that would include you. That's my understanding of how wedding photos go. There appears to be a whole structure to it.

mininionsteve Wed 20-Apr-16 17:08:12

It's just me then. I included my brothers wife in my close family photo as that's what I consider the family to now be, as did my brother at his wedding. My BIL asked if his now wife could be in that sides photo and I told them of course that's the family. I was in the aunts uncles and other randoms shot. Never mind, i'll get over it.

BYOSnowman Wed 20-Apr-16 17:10:05

You can't judge them by your standards though. When I got married all ils were included but at ils weddings they had parents and sibling photo with no ils. People just do things differently.

Don't add this to the list of 'ways they've shown they hate me'

ollieplimsoles Wed 20-Apr-16 17:10:39

Have you told dh you are upset about this?

mininionsteve Wed 20-Apr-16 17:11:51

I believe they included the brother in law on the brides sides family photo.

mininionsteve Wed 20-Apr-16 17:13:51

Yes, I told him I was upset about it when we got home.

BasinHaircut Wed 20-Apr-16 17:16:10

Why didn't they just do both? One with and one without you?

I did it with my sibling's partners as I agree, THAT is the family, but I never got a photo of just me and my siblings/siblings and parents which I wish I had too.

GarlicShake Wed 20-Apr-16 17:28:28

Pretty sure that 2 of the standard wedding photos are: bride & groom with bride's immediate blood relations; bride & groom with groom's immediate blood relations.

Seems a bit daft to me, but a lot of traditional things do! I only had 8 wedding photos taken, but they included these two shots as the traditionalists wanted 'em.

middlings Wed 20-Apr-16 17:30:17

YABabitU. Sorry.

We had too many bloody photos taken a shot with me & DH, my DPs and Dsiblings, one with me & DH, DMIL and his siblings and one with all the DPs and all the siblings!

Partners were in other photos, but there were ones of the "family of origin."

LizzieMacQueen Wed 20-Apr-16 17:30:47

Was your DH the best man? (so in fact the photo was of the groom and best man with the groom's parents).

RedToothBrush Wed 20-Apr-16 17:30:48

I was also omitted. (Yet bridesmaids and grooms were included. Not related).

I was upset as I was married to DH. I can understand the nuclear family thing. I can't understand it, if other people were included.

So I feel your pain OP, thought I suspect there is some 'traditional' bollocks that will explain it.

Libitina Wed 20-Apr-16 17:30:52

Same happened at my SILs wedding. I was married to their son for a year and 38 weeks pregnant with the first grandchild. I was in none of the photos. She is now divorced and remarried. They let me in those photos, but don't display one of me (married for 21 years by then).

Cloudstasteofmash Wed 20-Apr-16 17:32:42

I would have felt a bit left out too.

I'm also pregnant maybe it's the hormones flowers

Mishaps Wed 20-Apr-16 17:33:07

I should let it wash by if I were you - you have much more important things on your plate - or in your uterus! All these photos at weddings are a pain and they have to draw the line somewhere or they would be at it all night. I speak as an ex-photographer!

YummyDarkChocolate Wed 20-Apr-16 17:34:10

OP, it's a sad fact that couples split, that's why. But the wedding photos are Forever.

We did both at my wedding. Proper family, then with partners. I got married many years ago, and all my siblings are with different partners now.

steppemum Wed 20-Apr-16 17:37:12

we had just siblings, and then siblings plus spouses.

I think it is quite normal tbh.

I would be hurt though if there was a sibling, but then wasn't one with spouses.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 20-Apr-16 17:37:28

That makes total sense Yummy, I hadn't thought about that angle and why it was done.

YABU Op, unfortunately.

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