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WIBU: stare-down with youth so they would get up and let elderly couple sit

(63 Posts)
floral1 Wed 20-Apr-16 16:23:43

Ok I know this isn't exactly AIBU, more of a past one really.

Anyway, this morning I was on the 9am bus as usual but today it was really full and so a lot of people were standing. 2 stops on, an elderly couple get on the bus. The woman managed to hold a hand-bar thing but the man was, quite literally, struggling to stand and nearly falling over. I looked around at the nearest seats and on one side there was a woman with a pram with a baby- fair enough. Other side, a pair of youngsters who I've seen on the bus for a few months. I know they get off a few stops ahead (I'm presuming they are college students as there is a college very closeby to the stop).
So I practically stared at them till one of them caught my eye and then indicated to the other to get up. I then asked the elderly couple if they wanted to sit down- the man smiled and said thank you, nudged the woman and both sat down.

I then looked at the yongsters and said thank you. BUT WIBU to have asked them to have gotten up via a stare-down? I didn't want to say it to them (which would have been loud) as to not embarrass them but I was always told to let the elderly sit ut of respect.

P.S. I was also standing, close to the doors of the bus

I'm now wondering if I was being silly or not ... so dear MN, be the judges!

Pollyputhtekettleon Wed 20-Apr-16 16:26:57

YWU to stare them down like that. They were probably in their own world not noticing what was going on around them so you should have just leaned over and said politely that the old couple needed a seat.

GretchenBeckett Wed 20-Apr-16 16:27:48

Yabu you don't know if one of the 'youths' has some kind of disability that meant he needs to sit down!

GretchenBeckett Wed 20-Apr-16 16:28:18

And glaring at that is really not on

SaucyJack Wed 20-Apr-16 16:29:23

Here- have the pat on the back you're fishing for.

AdrenalineFudge Wed 20-Apr-16 16:29:33

"Stare-down" really...?

DerelictMyBalls Wed 20-Apr-16 16:30:47

Why didn't you just ask them? It's a bit odd that you looked around, decided who should stand up for the couple and then glared at them until they got the message.

angelos02 Wed 20-Apr-16 16:31:42

you don't know if one of the 'youths' has some kind of disability that meant he needs to sit down!

Slightly more likely that this was not the case.

skippy67 Wed 20-Apr-16 16:31:43

Oh grow up.

Borka Wed 20-Apr-16 16:34:01

YWBU, you should have just asked them politely. Would you have glared like that at people your own age?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Wed 20-Apr-16 16:34:33


I have always looked fit and healthy but I'm not. I have a hidden disability and you have no idea if these young people did or not. When I was younger I would have stood up as I would have felt intimidated by you but I would have spent the rest of day in a hell of a lot of pain.

Ameliablue Wed 20-Apr-16 16:34:40

Were you sitting or standing?

mollie123 Wed 20-Apr-16 16:35:55

going against the grain here - but you did the right thing in principle but to have had a quiet word with them rather than the glare would have been a better approach (glaring may well have back-fired on you )

IWantMyMumSheWouldBeProud Wed 20-Apr-16 16:36:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

floral1 Wed 20-Apr-16 16:36:40

I wasn't able to lean over and say else I really would have. I'm not one to do such a thing hence why I'm asking. They were watching this elderly man struggle to stand but continued to chat and pay no heed. The man had been standing for a few minutes and they had observed since the couple got on the bus. That was when I started to look for possible seats
Saucy-Jack that was completely irrelevant. I simply asked for an opinion. Thank you to those that gave one. I appreciate it.
I've seen these youths on the bus standing willingly for the duration of the bus journey and they have gotten on before the stop I was on. That's why I'm now re-thinking as at the time, I really didn't give any though about invisible disabilities! Anyways, when I next see them I'll apologise and clarify. Thank you

floral1 Wed 20-Apr-16 16:37:56

It was a packed bus and having said something would have meant quite literally shouting as it was loud in the bus

Capricorn76 Wed 20-Apr-16 16:38:06

They probably didn't even notice them. You were out of order and wouldn't have done that to an older person. Next time just ask.

floral1 Wed 20-Apr-16 16:38:43

I was stading msyelf with quite a bit of luggage. If I was sitting I would have offered my own seat first

YelloRoses Wed 20-Apr-16 16:38:44

You did the right thing, sometimes people need a reminder to be thoughtful for others less able and you did it without embarrassing anyone, the kids knew why you were giving them the death stare. Well done op.

mrsmugoo Wed 20-Apr-16 16:38:59

I would have just given up my own seat (and I'm 7 months pregnant with a toddler but perfectly able to stand if an OAP needed the seat more then I did.)

floral1 Wed 20-Apr-16 16:39:14

correction: standing, myself

Lifecanonlygetbetter Wed 20-Apr-16 16:40:28

If my 16 year old daughter is anything to go by, they get on a bus, plug their head phones in and float off to another world. Perhaps a polite comment along the lines of ' I think that those two people are finding it more difficult to stand up on a moving bus' would have achieved the same outcome.

NeedsAsockamnesty Wed 20-Apr-16 16:40:43

Slightly more likely that this was not the case

It's not that unlikely that a teenager with a disability would travel on the bus, loads of areas have removed most of there direct transportation for children with ECHPS and now issue bus passes instead, and many disabled people are entitled to concessionry bus passes.

AntiquityUbiquity Wed 20-Apr-16 16:41:24

A simple "Excuse me are either of you able to stand for these elderly folk?" would have done. One is allowed to speak to the "youths" as if they're regular people and a polite enquiry covers hidden disabilities.

floral1 Wed 20-Apr-16 16:43:01

lifecanonlygetbetter they weren't wearing earphones, and were talking to one another. I couldn't ask them as that would have been the first thing I would have done. to have said somethign would have meant shouting over people and in question really embarrassing them

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