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To not lift share with DD's friend mum

(10 Posts)
Marilynsbigsister Tue 19-Apr-16 20:02:40

Dd14 joined a sports club a month ago. The deal, when I agreed she could join, was that she get herself backwards and forwards and not add this to the long 'mums taxi' schedule that already exists.

I have 5 Teenagers who live with us. 2 are at uni and one of those drives. So term time only me and DH drive. I have an additional 2 Dsc who do not live with us but are here every other weekend and exactly half the holidays. That's seven that require ferrying around EOW if the place they are going is not on bus route. Plus of course -sm's will understand this- Dsc -despite using public transport at home, are NEVER allowed to do so with us, should they evaporate when they come into contact with the public,(not their fault. DH is a founder member of Disney dad club and there mum knows how to push his buttons wink) anyway, have told you all this so you have the whole picture. There is a lot of driving. We are 4 miles s from nearest town.

Dd wanted to do this thing. I agreed on the basis above. A friend of hers, who lives on the bus route decided to join her. They go together, come home (friend gets off one stop earlier). All good. Dd's best friend is, I think feeling left out and has persuaded her mum to let her join. Bf is not on the bus route. To get to the place she would travel with the other two from school, then on way back, travel beyond dd, change buses to get to her house. About 15 minutes more. Dd's bf is quite lazy. She is lovely but this is her nature. She has a lovely mum. Mum has started picking her up and driving her home. Because she is lovely, she is also dropping dd's friend and dd on the way. This is happening three times a week.
Friend mum looked a bit 'piqued

AIBU not to offer to collect ? I really don't want to. I work full time and overtime, in a law enforcement environment that can mean I am not always able to stick to arrangements -hence the discussion before she started.

Or am I being selfish ?

Junosmum Tue 19-Apr-16 20:52:32

Yanbu, but you may need to explain this to friends mum.

CaptainCrunch Tue 19-Apr-16 20:54:56

Tell the mum everything you've said here. Your being perfectly reasonable.

VimFuego101 Tue 19-Apr-16 20:58:06

I would just tell the mum 'please don't feel you have to drop DD home - she started the club on the condition she made her own way to and from there'. If DD keeps accepting lifts then she needs to contribute some money to buying friend's mum some flowers or chocs to say thankyou, since you can't reciprocate by sharing the lifts.

BackforGood Tue 19-Apr-16 20:58:28

I agree with Juno. Just say to friend's Mum 'I hope you don't think we aren't pulling our weight in fetching the girls, but we are just over loaded at the moment, and the agreement with dd was that she could go to the activity if she understood she would have to get the bus there and back. It's kind of you to offer them a lift, but we won't be able to reciprocate.'


'Why don't you just collect your dd from the bus stop (or our house?) ? as the girls can come home together on the bus then.'

Akire Tue 19-Apr-16 20:59:53

Yes mention it or say you appreciate it but you are quite happy for her to be dropped off at the bus stop or on main route if bringing her to the door is out of her way.

BackforGood Tue 19-Apr-16 21:00:18

I don't agree she should feel she needs to treat the other Mum.
If the Mum is picking up her dd and going past your house anyway, it would be somewhat ridiculous if she ^didn't drop your dd. She's not enabling your dd to go though, she can go and get home without that lift.

HanYOLO Tue 19-Apr-16 21:01:25


Tell bf mum that DD is supposed to get the bus home. Tell DD to get the bus home.

Marilynsbigsister Tue 19-Apr-16 21:16:14

Backforgood and vim , This is why mumsnet is so genius. !! The answer is so simple. Dd will buy big bunch of flowers to say thank you for all the lifts... I meanwhile will call bfs mum, under the pretence of suggesting her dd come to us and she pick up from here (saving her a 8 mile round trip)** whilst dropping in the deal I made with dd before joining. Thank you everyone ! It's actually so obvious but sometimes it's hard to see the woods for the trees.

Marilynsbigsister Tue 19-Apr-16 21:19:19

AKIRE so sorry, should have said. - luckily, bus stop is literally 10 seconds from front door. !

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