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AIBU?

To not want pics of my baby plastered on FB?

26 replies

GinaBambino · 19/04/2016 17:23

Ok I have not got a child (yet, he is due in 7 weeks) but I have explained my reasoning to DP who completely agrees and yet his family are completely devastated by my choice, despite the fact that they have whatsapp etc.
I just don't agree with pics of my nieces/nephews/own children being plastered all over fb, my sisters have never done it and I have never posted a picture on fb of the kids without their parents express permission first. My SIL and hubby are not on FB, but her kids pictures are all over her family's profiles, wall, shared with friends etc and it really scares me. My eldest nephew was abused by a family 'friend' 8 years ago and put pics online of him so you can see why I'm worried. His family just think I'm being neurotic and it will change when my son is here, I don't think it will, I'm very stubborn and if someone tells me I'll do something I'll go out of my way to make sure I don't!

AIBU in wanting to keep my life off FB?

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shatteredmama · 19/04/2016 21:43

Yanbu, and I totally get where you're coming from, I was the same with dd. Stand your ground, I have some overbearing family members who live their lives through fb so just don't understand my wishes. I had a meltdown on my dds first birthday because one of the dickheads family members posted a photo of her on their own fb wall wishing her a happy birthday.

bumpingalong9386 · 19/04/2016 21:52

YANBU - I'm currently pg and have decided not to post anything on FB either. The people who I want to know that kind of stuff I have told in person and I will also share pics on whatsapp etc... However there is too much plastered on the internet these days and FB is full of over sharing.

At the end of the day, you won't please everyone with your approach but fuck them. They should respect your wishes (at least that's what I've told people who moan at me for not plastering everything on FB)

MidnightAura · 19/04/2016 21:53

Yanbu, stand your ground, this is your child and if you don't want him splashed over the Internet that's your choice. I feel the same about FB. People should know respect your wishes.

lostincumbria · 19/04/2016 22:01

YABU to link abuse with photos on facebook. However, your kids, your decision. It'll be a long 18 year fight though.

Gide · 19/04/2016 22:10

YANBU, but I think you'll have a fight on your hands. I untag myself from every pic due to job, but it seems to be the latest maddest trend, every single steps some peoples' DCs take seem to be logged forever more on FB. Not sure the DCs will appreciate that embarrassing pic when they're old enough to realise.

GinaBambino · 19/04/2016 22:16

Thanks everyone! It's taken a while for me to actually stand my ground with partners family as I do really love them and normally they're great people, I just don't agree with having my kids lives played out on fb and for them it would be point scoring between each other and also my family who live a lot closer and will probably see them more!
Lostincumbria - you may be right about me BU but seeing my nephew go through a court case at 8yo because some twat decided to share inappropriate photos of him on fb (and other sites) is not something I'd want anyone least of all my own children to do. So yeah I'm a teeny bit wary about it but hey like you said; my kids, my decision.

Don't get me wrong, I'm on social media a lot with my degree, work and my own blog but I choose what I put on there. No one else should be able to decide for me.

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MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 19/04/2016 22:56

Except for your child's father.... He gets a say too remember

Whilst he may agree with you now, things can change very quickly

RaeSkywalker · 19/04/2016 23:02

YANBU.

OwlinaTree · 19/04/2016 23:09

Can you set up an alternative way of sharing images, such as google plus or a WhatsApp group that your family can be part of but is private, administrated by you? Then they can enjoy sharing pics but you have more control? I'm not on Facebook, my dh is, but doesn't really put pics of our son on there. These alternatives work well for us as we have family abroad we can share pics with but it feels more private than Facebook.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 19/04/2016 23:11

YANBU-DD is 4 weeks old on Saturday and I've flat our refused to allow photos of her on social media, including telling BIL that he couldn't post photos of his children holding her when he asked if he could. My reasoning is that as an adult she may not want photographs of her as an infant on a website - I certainly wouldn't have done should it have been around 30 years ago. I also feel that if I were to post any at all it would be like giving other people permission to post them too, then I have less control over who sees them.

yummumto3girls · 19/04/2016 23:16

YABU you can't control what other people do, are you going to withdraw your child from future events just in case someone takes a picture. I think you are being unrealistic and you will face a constant struggle over this in the many years to come.

WorraLiberty · 19/04/2016 23:17

YANBU, although like a PP said, I think YABU to link it to abuse.

I just think it's completely unnecessary really. When the kids are old enough to have their own FB accounts, they can then decide whether they want their pics on there.

The strange thing is that so many adults get annoyed when other people post pics of them on FB without their permission, but they have no problem putting pics of their own kids on that website.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 19/04/2016 23:21

The strange thing is that so many adults get annoyed when other people post pics of them on FB without their permission, but they have no problem putting pics of their own kids on that website.

This. People do not seem to value their children's privacy.

GinaBambino · 19/04/2016 23:28

I have to say DP hates fb. Is only on it to keep in touch with a few friends and hasn't posted anything in the 3 years we've been together (he hasn't even changed his relationship status!) so we're on the same page there. Who knows he may become a fb addict and we'll cross that bridge if it ever happens haha!

We have WhatsApp & a new app I'm trying called lifecake so hopefully that will keep them at bay. For now.

My main issue in all of this is because my SIL is not on fb so cannot control what her family put on there. I am so I can, but they feel that by putting my foot down, people they know (but that DP and I don't know) will miss out on looking at photos of our son.

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timemaychangeme · 19/04/2016 23:54

YANBU. DD does not want any pictures of dgd on fb and there's no way I would argue with that or go against her wishes and put any up.
Hopefully setting up a whatsapp group for your family will keep everyone happy. I absolutely love getting pics and videos of dgd. I live a distance away and miss her terribly so it's a great way to keep in touch.
And with whatsapp your family can show pics to their friends without them being put on fb. They can either whatsapp pics or share them via email.
Good luck for 7 weeks time :)

clumsypots · 20/04/2016 00:02

YANBU my mil decided to announce the birth of DS on fb complete with pic without asking me and dh first. I was fuming. We hadn't put anything at all on fb and weren't planning on doing so as we are quite private people.

Imaginosity · 20/04/2016 00:08

Why do your in laws care so much about this?

I wouldn't be worried about abuse as such but facebook is weird in that everyday I'm browsing through pictures of people adults and children that appear on my wall - people that are complete strangers to me. I'm looking at their children's first day of school or birthday party etc- it's just weird, I'm not sure why. I know anyone can see my children any day of the week out and about on the street but I don't like the thought of some stranger looking at photos of my children on their phone while they lie in bed or sit in a coffee shop somewhere. I have set my privacy settings as high as they can go but I still don't like posting pictures of my children.

Cloudstasteofmash · 20/04/2016 00:08

YANBU

I learned my lesson a long time ago.

I took a pic of my dd when we were just about to go swimming for the first time. I have a very closed facebook and the picture I uploaded was taken with out my consent by some I work with and it was added to the bloody work news magazine (I work in the sports industry) I was fuming.

GinaBambino · 20/04/2016 00:16

Yummum I never said they can never take photos of my children or I'd pull them from events so they can't be on fb. I have no issue with other people taking pictures of their kids and putting them on social media. I just don't do it myself and would expect, at least, my family to extend the same courtesy of asking if it's ok for photos to be on fb as I have done with my nieces and nephews over the years.

As a PP said, most adults hate having their pics on there so why is a childs pic any different?! We want to be able to respect our child's privacy and politely ask others to do the same.
Some of the pics of me as a child are utterly horrendous and I'd be mortified if any of them were forever on fb! Jeez I was a child of the 90s you can imagine some of the awful outfits I had, plus I'm the last of 4 girls so had a lot of 80's hand me downs!

What I am saying is the constant stream of photos I get on my timeline from my in-laws of my niece and nephew is ridiculous. Rather than just enjoying time with them in the park or playing at home, they're posing them in awkward photos, posting them on fb and sharing them between each other.

As I said in 7 weeks I may have our son and decide everyone and his wife wants to see, and so therefore I must post, pictures of my gorgeous baby and his little wrinkly face and this post will be a distant memory.

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GinaBambino · 20/04/2016 00:24

I have no idea why they care so much. It could be because we're 2 hours drive away and, you know, the m62 only goes one way (our house to theirs) so they're worried they'll miss out regardless of how many times we invite them to stay with us or say we'll be back every 6 weeks etc it just makes them worry more!
I have to stress I love my dps family but since being pregnant I get easily wound up by their meddling, which previously I'd have seen as endearing or caring.

Ooh Clouds I'd have been fuming!! It's one thing to upload photos yourself but ones taken without knowledge or consent?! I hope you went mad!

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timemaychangeme · 20/04/2016 09:30

If you have a whatsapp group for family they won't miss out because they can see loads of pics/vids that way. The pics will just be between you and not on fb for all the world and his mate to see, is the only difference.

ElspethFlashman · 20/04/2016 09:37

I have Viber instead of Whatsapp because MIL has it. It keeps her happy getting photos every few days. It's what the SILs have too.

People who only know me through FB I.e. haven't seen me in years, have no idea what my kids look like. However I feel like I know everything about their kids! Honestly some put their kids up every few days like "Hermione really enjoyed her Fun Run!" and there's the poor kid all red faced and sweaty and dishevelled for all the world to see.

I can't help thinking Hermione isn't going to thank her parents for that down the road.......

Hadron21 · 20/04/2016 09:45

I'm the same. Ive chosen not to put pictures on my children on Facebook and have decided to stop explaining why to people! I just say "don't put pictures of my kids on fb". Most people want to discuss why and give their opinion- well, I'm not interested.
I'm a private person and my husband is too. This is the reason.
My sil posted some pics I sent her so I asked her to remove them and don't send her any now.
If you're worried that someone will 'announce' your birth before you do then ask people in advance not to and change your settings so that no one can tag you or write on your wall.

EveryoneElsie · 20/04/2016 09:48

My eldest nephew was abused by a family 'friend' 8 years ago and put pics online of him ...His family just think I'm being neurotic

His family are apologists. YANBU or neurotic, its your child and it's your choice.

Their persistant and constant posting could be a form of the game 'happy families', so take care.

GinaBambino · 20/04/2016 10:06

Elsie thank you! I am not a private person normally, I'll tell the world and his wife stuff about me as its my life and has made me who I am but I never post anything about it on fb. I do a lot of face to face talking like the good ol' days! I know my SIL completely supports my view and in the past few days since I mentioned it to her, there have been little to no pics of her 2 children on fb posted by family members.

Although I had to laugh last night, DPs nana had a senior moment and used fb as Google and just started typing in searches for stuff. Bless her she is 80!

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