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AIBU to take this as far as I can?

(100 Posts)
TheDetective Tue 19-Apr-16 12:15:21

Vague thread title. Sorry.

At the weekend, it was brought to my attention by a person who I have never met, but know through MN, that she supected someone someone was referring to my son in a Facebook group.

Screenshots were sent, and indeed it WAS my son that was being referred to.

The post was made by his nursery owner/manager. The initial post wasn't an issue. She was asking for advice about him returning to nursery, as he has broken his leg and is in a full leg cast.

However, the replies with her follow up have left me utterly speechless. I spent over an hour shaking with anger and upset.

This is a direct quote... 'I know my initial thought she is a nightmare of a parent too checks everything we say with the LA and the little boy is showing signs of ADHD so I can see why she is desperate to get him back going to do everything that's been suggested on here then ok it all with LA before I speak to her tomorrow as I'm sure she will be on the phone to them straight after'.

So, my son has signs of ADHD (at 3) and no one thought to mention it to me, his parent? That is despite the fact there have been numerous occasions where they could do so. And the fact that they know I have concerns (but not ADHD!!) and my HV wanted their opinion in order to refer him. I've been led to believe he's absolutely fine.

Then there's the issue that she felt it was appropriate to share this in a Facebook group with 13,000 members, before she had shared it with me.

The fact that my son was identified through her post by two separate people, one of whom has never met my son.

I have gone straight to OFSTED and to the LADO to escalate this.

I'm so angry though. As she owns the nursery, it feels like there will be no come back for her.

Aibu to push this as far as I can take it? Or should I just let it go?

SpareJ Tue 19-Apr-16 12:24:37

Totally not BU - and yes you should take this as far as possible, it's utterly outrageous and I'd be fuming too.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Tue 19-Apr-16 12:27:14

That's outrageous. I would be incandescent.

TheDetective Tue 19-Apr-16 12:28:35

Then nice person in me keeps popping up and saying people make mistakes, and do stupid stuff. But the other side of me is in full on anger mode.

bumbleymummy Tue 19-Apr-16 12:28:57

shock YADNBU! How unprofessional!

OracleofDelphi Tue 19-Apr-16 12:32:09

Oh now that is terrible. Your poor poor thing.... I would most certainly not be letting it go. How are you going to send DS their knowing she thinks you are a nightmare parent? Surely if she needed professional advice on how to handle this she would have other nursery owners that she nows that she could ask, or just go by what the LA says is the proper conduct?

Why was it even posted on FB? It is deeply unprofessional and very strange that a woman who presumably understands confidentiality and safe guarding, would write something so identifying on a public website?

I would not be sending him back under any circumstances. I would go to Ofsted and LA and mka a serious complaint. Stupid stupid woman. (her not you!).

It must be horribly stressful for you to hear her being critical of you, and then claiming your son had ADHD which you were oblivious to! flowers

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 19-Apr-16 12:32:45

No you certainly don't let it go. Too many people let things go and people get away with all sorts.
No one needs to tell you that this is an extreme breech of confidentiality and professionalism.

AdrenalineFudge Tue 19-Apr-16 12:35:16

Absolutely take it as far as you can. I'm angry on your behalf! What half-wit thinks that an acceptable thing to do? She's broken every rule in the book.

TheDetective Tue 19-Apr-16 12:38:09

I spent the entire day yesterday dealing with the fall out.

I've removed him, and the LA have agreed to transfer his funded hours.

He does half a day in a private nursery, who will happily take him to do his funded hours, as soon as I think he's ready to return.

In fact, his private nursery when informed about his broken leg, just said he can return whenever I wish, and they will just do a risk assessment. They didn't even miss a beat about it.

The nursery is a preschool that is privately owned, but is part of a school. It's the school I wanted my DS to attend. Not anymore. The nursery run the wrap around care, so I'd feel like I couldn't use out of hours and holiday care at that school.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 19-Apr-16 12:41:08

I'd also be going to the press.

rollonthesummer Tue 19-Apr-16 12:41:46

Does the nursery manager know now that you've seen her comments on Facebook and have made a formal complaint?

WellErrr Tue 19-Apr-16 12:42:08

That's awful!

Lunar1 Tue 19-Apr-16 12:43:59

Anyone who includes so much detail that a child is so easily identified is far to stupid and unprofessional to manage a nursery. I'd be out for blood too and would want to see them sacked. If I did this as a nurse I'd rightly be sacked and struck off.

TheDetective Tue 19-Apr-16 12:53:43

Lunar, same, as a midwife....

She owns the nursery. This is the crux of the problem.

What can actually be done if she owns it?!

TheCricketWidow Tue 19-Apr-16 12:54:00

This is completely unprofessional, im raging on your behalf!
Take it as far as you can, ridiculous behaviour.

Janecc Tue 19-Apr-16 12:54:12

I would put that nice person to one side for now. Do whatever you have to do to ensure your ds is safe and you are happy this situation has been dealt with to your satisfaction. Going to the press sounds like an option.

Marquand Tue 19-Apr-16 12:54:56

It is unprofessional to the extreme. And it compromises both you and your child. Take it to the highest level.

TheCricketWidow Tue 19-Apr-16 12:55:50

She might own it but she cant be running it completely on her own, are there governors or directors?

StrictlyMumDancing Tue 19-Apr-16 12:57:02

In the nicest way of wording it, the manager has been exceptionally unprofessional here. Definitely push it all the way, as far as you can. How many other children is she discussing like this? Even if any of it was true, the fact its so identifiable rings massive alarm bells. I'm very angry for you.

BarkGruffalo Tue 19-Apr-16 12:58:10

I'm sure even if she owns it then Ofsted would have something to say about her behaviour. The school will not be pleased either. Definite issues with data protection IMO as you and your child were clearly identifiable from details given. I hope you took screenshots as proof so she can't deny it! I agree to go to the press, she needs a rocket up her for her lax attitude to use of social media and that's the most effective route I can see (not the most diplomatic, but if you're not planning to use the nursery/school anyway then who cares).

There are lots of really good nurseries and nursery staff around, but there do seem to be some that don't have a fucking clue how to behave!

cakeycakeface Tue 19-Apr-16 13:00:51

That's truly shocking. YANBU. Have you also got screenshots of her follow-up comments? Do that in case she deletes them.

millimat Tue 19-Apr-16 13:02:54

Truly outrageous. Safeguarding should be at the forefront of her mind. There is no way your son should have been identifiable, never mind all the other things she put.
Take it ALL the way. I wouldn't want my child left in her care, so do it to protect others.

zipzap Tue 19-Apr-16 13:04:03

Would the data protection people be able to do anything if she's made quotes that are so identifiable or are they only for issues with specific use/misuse of data in databases?

Might be worth looking on the nursery's website for any policies on their use of data, social media etc and seeing if they have contravened them, to add fuel to your complaint.

That's an appalling thing that they have done. Although it is scary when you discover how easy it is to work out who random anonymous posters are on things like facebook and even here - and even google search requests! But that's absolutely not to say that she shouldn't have done it - she should have been twice as aware and three times as cautious.

MummaB123 Tue 19-Apr-16 13:08:22

Absolutely disgusting! YADNBU! It doesn't matter whether she owns the nursery or not, she should not be sharing that detail about a child on Facebook or anywhere else public, and she shouldn't be making comments about a parent either! Totally unprofessional and very worrying!

seafoodeatit Tue 19-Apr-16 13:08:47

YADNBU, I am raging for you! Utterly unprofessional let alone the fact that she is sharing information with strangers but doesn't feel that as the parents you should be privy to her concerns. I hope it's dealt with promptly, definitely keep following up until action is taken.

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