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Absolutely dreading summer because I hate how I look

(30 Posts)
DownUnderBound Tue 19-Apr-16 11:30:10

Once again summer is upon as, as is our family holiday. Once again I'm anxious and stressed just at the thought of it all, does anybody else out there actually despise their bodies? Am I alone? I try to talk to friends in rl, but am usually met with 'oh yeah i wish i had longer legs' or something equally trivial, my hatred goes deep. I keep my body covered shoulder to ankle at all times, even in summer, maxi dress but with cardigan. Even infront of my own family. I can't go swimming. On holiday, I wear a maxi kaftan and just have to sweat at night when we go out. Is there something wrong with me? I just can't do this anymore sad

MorticiaLiverish Tue 19-Apr-16 11:38:05

What is it exactly that you don't like? Are you overweight?

DownUnderBound Tue 19-Apr-16 11:42:35

around 3 stone bigger than I should be. I just hate every single thing, it sucks the joy out of my life. No friends in rl understand this, I'm hooing someone.on here may have once felt this way and has overcome it.

getyourfingeroutyournose Tue 19-Apr-16 13:27:20

Yanbu for feeling this way but I suspect you probably aren't anywhere near as unattractive as you think.
This is definitely something that needs addressing. You could have body dysmorphia or something so I would try and get counselling on that if you do.
If it's not that and you want to be healthier then you can definitely do that. You need to start by finding a way to be confident with yourself. You can do that by starting a new healthy routine and combine that with counselling.
There are a lot of people who feel this way. I have non existent boobs, fat thighs, bingo wings and a sticky out belly and loads of other issues that other people have delightfully pointed out and made fun of. But if people can't get past these things I don't want them in my life.
Go get help. I'd start at your GPs.
You are so much more than your body xx

QuiteLikely5 Tue 19-Apr-16 13:30:58

Op

Why not try low carbing? I did and it transformed my weight and eating habits in record time.

It's about eating clean and not as hard as you think.

All I did was buy the first these days worth of food and I've ne we looked back

Once I reached a weight I was happy with I then started to increase my intake and I've found my happy medium.

Fingers crossed for you smile

specialsubject Tue 19-Apr-16 13:31:32

mental health issue as this is not normal. You need help, go get it. Not just for you, but to avoid passing these ideas on to your kids.

anyone who makes negative comments about someone else's appearance is not worth bothering about. And can be slapped with a clear conscience.

DownUnderBound Tue 19-Apr-16 13:33:22

Thanku getyourfingerout, i have been in a new healthy regime for a while now, but I do suspect body dysmorphia, i just dont.know where to start. This begun 9 years ago now after a traumatic event. My hatred goes very deep, i feel like if anyone saw any part of my body they would recoil in horror, point, stare etc. Maybe counselling would be the way forward. Its not because of the extra weight, it doesnt help obviously, but definately was like this before that gain.

oldlaundbooth Tue 19-Apr-16 13:33:40

Quite likely's advice is good.

Low carb works and tastes good.

Breakfast might be Greek yogurt and berries. Omelette and salad with cheese /tuna or chicken for lunch.

Chicken wrapped in bacon stuffed with cheese with roast veg for supper.

Thefitfatty Tue 19-Apr-16 13:35:34

I've spent 35 years hating everything about my body. It got worse when I gained a lot of weight at around 28 years old.

I'm not sure what exactly has made me change my mind. Maybe because I have a daughter and I don't want to spend her life hating her body so I'm trying to be a better role model. Maybe because I've found exercise I enjoy and I'm seeing and feeling changes in my body that make me feel physically better. Maybe because I have a DH who loves my body just the way it is. Or maybe I finally realized nobody has the perfect body!

Either way, I'm finally feeling confident in what I see and how I feel (without having dieted or lost weight or any of that crap).

You're right, you can't do what you're doing anymore, it's not fair to you and it's not fair to your family. Your kids want you to swim with them, your family wants you to enjoy time with them, and you can't do that if you hate your body.

Yeahsure Tue 19-Apr-16 13:35:48

I do think you should try to lose the weight - for your health, both physical and mental.

It may seem insurmountable but you can do it. I'd definitely join a spin or Zumba class as that can give you a massive buzz, then maybe either join Weight Watchers or eat clean (just google it). I wouldn't go on any gimmicky crash diets obviously. There are online forums and groups you can join for support if you don't have a real life diet buddy.

I know it might sound like I am stating the bleeding obvious thanks

Genx77 Tue 19-Apr-16 13:36:45

Make this the last summer you feel like this. It's really up to you.
You're missing out on life, on fun with your children and family, in fact on life itself. You are letting your weight/size control you when it really should be the other way round.
You HAVE fat, that doesn't mean you ARE fat, it's not permanent, you can get rid of it quickly and easily but only if you really want to.
Make a promise to yourself that today is the last day you hate your body in this way and today is the first day of doing something to change it.

Yeahsure Tue 19-Apr-16 13:36:57

Cross posted with your last post. I would advocate a really good counsellor too.

Thefitfatty Tue 19-Apr-16 13:37:42

i feel like if anyone saw any part of my body they would recoil in horror, point, stare etc.

That really sounds like body dysmorphia, I think you should talk to someone OP. It can be helped. smile

stargirl1701 Tue 19-Apr-16 13:37:52

I look back at photos from a decade ago and think, bloody hell, I looked fantastic. So, in a decade from now, the now me will look fantastic. Therefore, I look fantastic.

Thefitfatty Tue 19-Apr-16 13:40:42

LOL stargirl1701 that is an awesome attitude!

MissPunnyMany Tue 19-Apr-16 13:47:09

This sounds very psychological and there will be a root - you just need to pinpoint that root.

I have similar (but not as severe) issues and mine are down to abuse in my childhood. From a young age I decided I was fat. I wasn't. I was 7st when I got married for goodness sake, but I really did think I was fat. I hated myself. I spent my teens hating my body, my face, my hair....everything.

I'm now a few pounds heavier than I want to be (nowhere near 7st anymore!) and I have been really struggling with the self-hate again. My hate focuses around my stomach area which is where any excess weight goes. My arms and legs etc give the illusion of slim but I am a 'skinny fat' person with a flabby tummy which I despise.

You do need counselling, but also to take charge - healthy eating and exercise (which can just be a fast walk several times a week) and you'll see big differences.

I have never worn a bikini, I hate that feeling of exposure, so I swim in board shorts with a full swimming costume underneath.

You're not the only person to feel this way, I have had some tremendous downers about my body and get myself incredibly depressed over it.

oliviaclottedcream Tue 19-Apr-16 14:41:44

I too feel that way about my own wobblyness OP. But I look around at the beach, the swimming pool, the park and y'know, not all women are svelte, bombshells -- far from it in fact.

If someone's offended at the way I look in my swimsuit, then sod them. They 're not the kind of person I've give a second of my time to anyway, so what do I care for them? People aren't dissecting and analysing our appearances the way we do ourselves. And if they are? Do you care what they think -- the twats?? That said, I usually try to start low-carbing about this time of year, just so I know I've done something. Then come summer -- out I flop and look out fellers!!!

CruCru Tue 19-Apr-16 15:00:45

Gosh, that does sound hard OP.

I am also very overweight but don't feel the way you do. I don't know you but I would be extremely surprised if you are as unattractive as you feel.

It is unlikely that people will stare or be interested in how you look - almost everyone else will be worrying about how they look.

Sounds a bit random but one thing that helped me was

- buying some new clothes I felt comfortable in
- wearing (subtle) makeup
- getting a haircut
- visiting the dentist.

Pull your shoulders back. Although this does sound like a psychological issue (which you may wish to seek help with), you are an intelligent being and have choice over how you think about yourself.

EponasWildDaughter Tue 19-Apr-16 15:29:47

Having read your posts OP, yes I also think this sounds more serious than a superficial hatred of the way you look which lots of us have spells of. Counseling does sound like the way to go perhaps, especially if these feelings pre-date any weight gain.

I'll say what i was initially going to say though - harsh as this might sound - overweight people in the summer who stand out the most are the ones who are swathed in dark clothes trying to look slimmer, or struggling in the heat in long sleeved cardigans ect. By trying to hide their size in the heat they simply draw attention to it.

I know why it's done. I've done it myself. I hate my arms and my big boobs. And more recently the veiny backs of my knees and ankels. I've been the only one in a massive cover up on the beach. The only one in a 'shrug' or cardi when everyone else is in a vest top or a bikini top or a strapless evening dress. The only one who wont get their kit off and goes in the water in a t shirt and leggings. When i realised i wasn't fooling anyone and not only did i look no smaller in these garments but in fact just looked like someone ashamed of their fat bits it was a revelation!

I wear what i want to wear now. I still look like me. A me enjoying the sun like everybody else (who also aren't perfect) instead of dreading it.

scampimom Tue 19-Apr-16 16:33:19

I know exactly how you feel. Losing weight isn't going to solve the problem of how you see yourself - as someone (something even) that's not allowed to be seen. Sure, find a weight loss strategy that works for you, but you also need to get a different perspective on yourself. I know that the woman looking back at you from the mirror seems real enough (again, been there, still am there a lot of the time), but you really do have shite-tinted glasses on and sometimes it takes someone else's view to help you realise that.

Have a look at bddfoundation.org/

Believeitornot Tue 19-Apr-16 16:36:35

It sounds like you need to tackle the root cause ie the traumatic event?

I don't like my figure but am growing to get used to it. On the face of it I have no complaints and certainly look back on photos of my younger self and think I wasn't that bad although I've still got all the features which can't be changed by dieting etc.

It is most certainly a state of mind. I've taken control by getting fit and strong. It has helped me like what I see.

Tryingtostayyoung Tue 19-Apr-16 16:48:01

Op I'm right there with you flowers

I definitely suffer from body dysphormia, I lost all my baby weight October 2014 and enjoyed my first summer last year worry free for the first time in about 3years and in the last 3month I have put EVERYTHING back on, so I'm now I grand total of 2.3 stone over my happy weight (which I know doesn't sound like loads but on my 5.1 height it's a lot) and I'm so so angry at myself after all my hard work. I just try to stay positive and know that it probably isn't THAT bad.

Chocolatefudgecake100 Tue 19-Apr-16 17:23:54

If your 3 stone overweight then it is unlikely to be body dysmorphia u have however lose it with the right frame of mind n this is coming from a former fatty i lost about 5 stone low carbing i was pretty strict on it but it has changed my life completely n u can lose it too i know exactly how u feel flowers

Chocolatefudgecake100 Tue 19-Apr-16 17:24:11

U can however*

Mslg Tue 19-Apr-16 17:30:09

Definitely seek some professional help from a counsellor about your body issues. I also suffered a severe lack of self esteem following a traumatic assault in my early 20s. For years, I despised my body and couldn't bear to look at myself in the mirror. My counsellor pointed out that if you feel rubbish on the inside, of course that will reflect how you feel about yourself on the outside.

Speak to your GP who may be able to refer you to someone who can help. Counselling gave me the tools I needed to move on from feeling like shit and start to gain my confidence back. Good luck OP, it does get better flowers

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