To throw out DD's new toy?

[Amnesiac]

DD (5) is in the kitchen throwing a tantrum. In order to get them out of Alton Towers yesterday I said they could choose a toy from the shop.

I felt conflicted about the bribe because I really don't want them to be spoiled and it seemed like they'd had enough treats for one weekend, but I was facing a four hour drive, not knowing what traffic would be like - it was after 4pm and we'd had a very full day - and just wanted to leave.

The toy she chose was a cuddly monkey with Velcro on its hands. She woke up at about 6am next to me (having come in in the middle of the night) and proceeded to stick and unstick the fucking Velcro until I was ready to burn the fucking thing it now doesn't work anymore. So she is very upset. I tried comforting her at first but now I'm just wondering whether they (she's a twin) are over-indulged. This sort of behaviour always seems to follow a glut of being given treats. Or maybe I'm being hard on her and she's just over-wrought I don't know.

Anyway I have thrown the monkey out. She doesn't know yet, she doesn't even know where it is, which just shows how attached she is to it. I'm just wondering if I'm going to do deep and lasting psychological damage or she will learn a valuable lesson regarding not complaining after lots of treats. I'm also thinking of poor Henwee and his rabbit ... my motivations are a bit different, though.

[MewlingQuim]

You threw it away already

Surely if the velcro has died the problem is solved? All she will learn from you chucking it out is that mummy can be a meany.

I totally understand about annoying toys thanks DM for the singing Frozen doll but I just stick it out until interest wanes a bit and then 'lose' the toy somewhere. Like the charity shop

Get it out the bin and have a

[Baboooshka]

You've really thrown it out, because she was fiddling with it too much and/or the velcro broke? If she asks about it, will you say it's been lost, or is this supposed to teach her a lesson about something? I don't think you've done deep and lasting psychological damage, but it does seem pretty harsh.

(And I stood on the pavement yesterday, threatening to put DD's scooter in the bin. Not proud of this, but she was driving me absolutely crazy and sometimes you do snap.)

[Amnesiac]

It's only in the a waste paper bin ... It's not the Velcro, oh well maybe it is the Velcro ...

I will go and get it and leave it lying around somewhere, so that she sees it so often she completely forgets about it.

Yeah, a singing Frozen doll, something no family should be without

[WhoWants2Know]

Well... I can understand being annoyed at the behaviour and being woken by the velcro noise. But the trouble is that your daughter won't be able to draw a connection between the monkey's disappearance and her behaviour, so she won't learn from it.

[Lifecanonlygetbetter]

Probably not the best idea, but then you are tired and not thinking straight. And she is probably tired and still wound up from yesterday. Get it out the bin, sit it on a high shelf and tell her that the monkey will not come down until she stops shouting because it doesn't like loud noises. Shut the door on her and leave her to process this. Have a cup of tea and biscuit and try to chill out for 10 minutes. We've all been there 🙀

[yomellamoHelly]

I'd go fish it out of the bin. Sounds like she's really tired (esp if she also had an early start today). Would be planning a very quiet day for today.

[MiniCooperLover]

What's the point of throwing it out if you haven't even told her it's going? It's not like she'll learn a lesson that way, she'll just think she's lost it and be upset? The odd toy here and there as a bribe is not going to end the world.

[HPsauciness]

All of this is normal-she's just overtired and was probably overwhelmed by the excitement of Alton Towers. She's four.

You are tired, don't be mean, take the bloody thing out of the bin. If it's broken on the Velcro, leave her to sort it out, she may still like it anyway.

[Amnesiac]

No I know, tea but it there does seem to be some correlation between let them have loads of stuff and just tantrum-y shit.

[NoSquirrels]

My DC also behave really badly after they've been treated. Tis v. annoying. Sympathy, OP. But also, she's only 5 and will get over it. Shove the monkey back in her room, make sympathetic noises about the velcro and move on. She'll forget about it and so will you.

[parissont]

Chill out! Go and get the monkey.

[Amnesiac]

Thank you all. Monkey retrieved from bin(it was a clean bin) and in a corner of her room. You're all right about the tired, I think.

[BlueJug]

Not critical as I have done similar things in despair but the message becomes that you get a toy if you want it and refuse to leave somewhere because Mummy needs you to go - but that money grows on trees and everything you have can be binned as you will get more next time you are truculent.

(Really OP - not judging - have refused to allow kids to go to things that I wanted to go to and have paid to do and frantically tried to back-track - etc etc)

[BlueJug]

Sorry - op - I am a slow poster. Glad toy retrieved.
( I once slept with three fire engines - all with sirens!! )

[BitOutOfPractice]

Well your first mistake was to buy the toys as a bribe. Why did you have to do that to make them leave AT - don't they do as they are told?

I realise that sounds judgey but it's not meant to be - I'm genuinley trying to understand what started you and your DD on this spiral

[Amnesiac]

Bleu you have absolutely hit the nail on the head!

I think I'm giving them completely the wrong message. But when time was getting on yestrperday I was thinking " how am I going to get them out of here?" And that's the brain-wave I came up with.

I just don't want them to be entitled, spoiled kids.

[Amnesiac]

BOOP because I was knackered and no, I'm afraid they don't (do as their told).
If I'd said "we're leaving now" it might have taken a good half hour of whinging, taking turns to badger me, DS run off to look at something, and so on, before we actually headed off. And I just wasn't up for it. I was too tired. It just makes me not want to do stuff with them.
I know that those of you who said the mistake was the bribe are right though. That's what makes me sad.

[PerspicaciaTick]

TBH it sounds like you were/are both tired this morning...and you both kicked off, her with a tantrum and you chucking the toy. Perhaps you are more similar than you realise.
Sit down and make a list of things they like. A particular TV programme, bubble bath, build a blanket tent, a favourite book or song or whatever and use those as your rewards/bribes instead of buying stuff.

[MiniCooperLover]

I don't actually believe the bribe was a huge mistake, assuming it isn't the way you get them to behave for you every time. As a one off it's fine, don't beat yourself up over it. It's clearly tiredness, just have a relaxing day if possible and make it clear that tantrums are not acceptable.

[Baboooshka]

I agree that the bribe wasn't a huge mistake. 'Spoiled', to me, indicates a kid who'll agitate endlessly to get something, then just chuck it away straight after, or keep badgering you for moremoremore. At least infuriating monkey was appreciated by recipient (if not anyone else in the room).

[MERLYPUSSEDOFF]

When my dts were smaller I used to give them a count down to leaving anywhere fun like the swings or a zoo. Two more goes on the slide sort of thing, then one more. I used to say we would have something when we got home, like a favorite programme, biscuits and milk or some such bribe. I couldn't afford to buy gifts at the zoo shop x 2 so it worked for me. But I was tempted.

I'm glad monkey has been retrieved. If she really want the velcro to work it can be replaced or sometimes trimming the fluffy side will fix it.

[LyndaNotLinda]

Someone advised me once to go to the gift shop on the way in, rather than on the way out. And set a price limit before you go in.

I found it helps make me less irritated/stressed.

But tbh she sounds knackered and so do you :)

[BarbarianMum]

When mine were little I used to make it clear before going into toy/gift shops that we didn't have the pennies to buy anything, we were just going to look. It seemed to work.

Now they are older they have pocket money and have to pay for stuff like that themselves. Remarkably, they've suddenly become less keen on acquiring random tat.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

I always use food. Let's go to the car and have a snack :)

It was an overreaction but I think you know that. You get Mum of the Year award in my book for even contemplating never mind going to Alton Towers. My kids can go when they are adults. Life is too short - I am properly mean