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To think I am making a mistake going to this overseas wedding?

(59 Posts)
Olbersparadox Tue 19-Apr-16 01:41:05

Both my Aunts think I shouldn't go - they know the family very well. It just happens they were neighbours and very close family friends. The person getting married is my friend and we have been friends ever since I can remember. I know her mother doesn't like me - she has always been competitive but I had decided to just go and support her.

She asked my daughter to be a bridesmaid. My Aunt thinks she is just using me - after all she didn't attend my daughter's Christening (she said she was broke). I haven't bought tickets yet - this wedding is in LA - we have 2 kids. She's never sent a congratulations card or anything when both my kids were born.

Am I wrong to feel like perhaps I shouldn't go after all. I have been hesitating to buy the tickets. We have been very close ever since we were little. I don't know anything about the wedding, even though I have tried to ask. All I have been told is what dress to buy for DD and shoes + their registry + a money deposit link etc. The last time we were going to talk over the phone, she had to go within seconds and texted back next day saying her fiancé's friends came over and she forgot to call back.

I am never on Facebook but this week I saw pictures of her hen-do all over Facebook. Not only was I not invited - I wasn't even told it was happening. Would I be unreasonable not to go? I feel like we would be going all out for someone who doesn't really bother with us. Or am I just over thinking it? What would you do?

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 19-Apr-16 01:50:47

Was the hen in LA?

mrsdoughnut Tue 19-Apr-16 01:55:51

I wouldn't go. Friendship is a two way street and just because you have known someone for years doesn't mean your obliged to attend her wedding especially when she has never made an effort with you. She sounds like a user.

Dollymixtureyumyum Tue 19-Apr-16 02:32:56

Sounds like she wants a cute little flower girl OP. Do any other of her friends or relatives have a little girl or is it just you. I think you are being used

TendonQueen Tue 19-Apr-16 02:43:28

This person is your best friend, yet you didn't even know the hen was happening, nor get an invite? Then I don't think she's your best friend. How much real friendship is there, with effort on both sides, as opposed to just having known each other for a long time?

If you could easily afford LA without giving up anything else that might make it feasible. But few people are in that position. I think in your shoes I would now be saying it's simply too expensive. If she gets arsy then you have the ideal response that she didn't come to your daughter's christening because she was broke, so she must surely understand your position.

Cynara Tue 19-Apr-16 02:51:15

I opened this hoping the wedding was in Maui....

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 19-Apr-16 02:52:15

Also, just for information, on a recent thread about the worse places people had been, LA got a LOT of votes (including mine). It would not be my choice of a place to go unless I really loved the person getting married.

citychick Tue 19-Apr-16 03:04:59

When I first started reading this I thought, yes, go.
However, I do agree with pp's.
You may not have been able to attend the Hen, but an invitation would have been polite.
Is there to be a hen in the uk, if that is where you are?
Are you married? Did she come to your wedding? We're you all in the uk at the time?

If not, I am tempted to say go if you want to make a trip out of it, but otherwise no.
It's a lot of money. Follow your gut instinct. You know this friend better than we do.

I recently made a huge trip for a wedding and then flew straight home. But these are friends who also flew a ridiculous distance for my wedding.
Friendship works both ways.

curren Tue 19-Apr-16 06:16:50

Does she live in LA?

AliensInUnderpants12 Tue 19-Apr-16 06:24:05

Reading the thread title I was expecting to say "oh go and have fun!"! Having read your post I don't think I'd go OP, it's a long journey with two children and the bride doesn't seem to be interested in running through things with you. I think it's rude to not invite you to the hen do, even if she thought you couldn't/wouldn't come she should have still invited you IMO.

autumnboys Tue 19-Apr-16 06:32:05

Any chance the hen do was organised on FB and you missed it because you don't use it much? Check your other inbox.

Can't work out if she lives in LA or the UK, but either way, it does sound like the friendship has drifted. If you can go without it hurting financially, then fine, but otherwise I wouldn't personally.

pearlylum Tue 19-Apr-16 06:38:01

This friend is asking you to send money? To where ? Is is an airline or a travel company or some place she has set up? Sounds a bit suspicious.

RaeSkywalker Tue 19-Apr-16 06:39:14

It's a bit odd that you have to buy your dd's dress, plus have all the expense of the wedding, and she's not prepared to discuss the wedding with you.

I'm sorry but I don't think she's been a good friend to you. I'd probably decline the invite as well.

pearlylum Tue 19-Apr-16 06:43:42

" a money deposit link etc."

What does this mean OP?

Hissy Tue 19-Apr-16 06:45:25

Don't go.

She's not your friend love. Friends don't treat friends like that.

ASAP, tell her you're unable to attend. If she says anything say that your sure someone from the hen party can rustle up a cute kid for a bridesmaid.

Hissy Tue 19-Apr-16 06:45:45


pictish Tue 19-Apr-16 06:46:18

Do you think she would do the same for you?

LA is a fuck of a stretch for someone whom you suspect isn't really that arsed about you.

Never make someone a priority if they'll only make you an option.

pictish Tue 19-Apr-16 06:47:07

Where was the hen do?

P1nkP0ppy Tue 19-Apr-16 06:50:01

Some 'friend'.....

No way would I go.

TippyTappyLappyToppy Tue 19-Apr-16 06:54:53

I'd be pissed off if someone expected me to pay to go all the way to LA for the wedding yet still expected me to buy them a wedding present AND pay for my DDs bridesmaids dress as well, when they clearly don't prioritize the important events in my life, which would cost them very little in comparison.

It does sound as if they just fancy hVing a pretty little flower girl and your DD conveniently fits the bill. I don't think she cares about you as much as you do about her. Don't go. I think you will end up feeling used and disappointed by the whole thing.

MissBattleaxe Tue 19-Apr-16 06:57:53

No I wouldn't go. Knowing someone a long time and being their best friend isn't always the same thing. She's asking a lot but has been no friend to you. Keep the wedding costs and spend it on a family holiday.

Buckinbronco Tue 19-Apr-16 07:00:04

Your aunts seem to be interfering a lot. Why is that? From your post you seemed OK about going until they riled you up

TestingTestingWonTooFree Tue 19-Apr-16 07:02:06

I don't think I'd go. If she's not telling you anything about the wedding I can't see how you can be expected to go. Whilst some people think gift lists are rude and some think they're ok, I think sending one unsolicited when you're expected to spend a fortune going to the wedding is definitely rude. Why are they getting married in LA?

Friolero Tue 19-Apr-16 07:05:55

I wouldn't go, it doesn't sound like she's been a good friend to you recently and going to LA would take a lot of time & money. I would only do it for very close friends or family.

LagunaBubbles Tue 19-Apr-16 07:08:16

I wouldn't go, she doesn't sound as if she values your friendship. Where was the hen do?

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