Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

To think I had to cancel this?

103 replies

lorelei9here · 18/04/2016 19:08

I have to change a social arrangement with a friend tomorrow night. I have been asked to do overtime as a matter of urgency (3 out of team of 6 off sick for rest of week).y

My friend doesn't have a mobile. I've left a message on her home phone but I know she normally spends Monday nights with her partner. I dont have his number. She is retired so there is no work number.

Worst case, if she doesn't hear the message, she will be waiting at the pub tomorrow night and have to ring me to find out it's off. I will actually be helping with some meetings so might not even be able to take the call. She will have travelled from Essex to central London, though she does usually do other stuff in the day when she comes in to meet friends.

But I dont think I have any other options? No email, no mobile - there isn't anything more I can do is there? I can't really call a very busy pub and ask them to look for a woman matching her description....! Well I could, but it seems unfair to the staff.

If she says I should have turned down the overtime I will be annoyed. I told my boss yes today and I've been trying to call the friend ever since. I guess the AIBU is, should I have waited to speak to my friend but I don't think that would have been right.

OP posts:

Report

wheresthel1ght · 18/04/2016 19:10

I think if you knew it would be hard to contact her then yabu to have agreed overtime knowing that she may end up on her own in a pub waiting for you.

Do you have other mutual friends who could get a message to her? A family member who might have her partner's number? Do either have Facebook?

Queenbean · 18/04/2016 19:11

Does she live nearby and you can pop in?

Or send her a letter couriered to her address?

Tbh though, if she doesn't have a mobile she must be used to plans changing!

Birdsgottafly · 18/04/2016 19:12

I don't think that people without mobiles, who can't get home to check their answer machine and aren't giving out an Email address, can't moan in situations like this, tbh.

Hoppinggreen · 18/04/2016 19:12

Actually I think unless you had managed to contact your friend you should meet her. Its unfair for her to travel to meet you and you just not turn up.
So yabu

ArgyMargy · 18/04/2016 19:13

Wow. Just trying to remember what we used to do when we didn't have phones & emails. I think we probably did what you have done. I don't think YABU - your friend must know that in the modern world most people are contactable via mobile.

NorksAreMessy · 18/04/2016 19:16

Telegram?
Carrier pigeon?
Sky writing?

WalkingBlind · 18/04/2016 19:18

YANBU there's many situations that mean you couldn't turn up, you could be ill or needed elsewhere for an emergency. Just because it's overtime that is the reason doesn't mean YABU. I know especially with my DP's work if that many people were off he literally couldn't turn it down or else the whole workplace couldnt function.

It's not your fault if she can't be contacted and you have left a message. It's her responsibility to go home and check her machine regularly if she doesn't have a mobile. If I was your friend I wouldn't be annoyed

ElderlyKoreanLady · 18/04/2016 19:19

YABU I think. You knew she doesn't have a mobile and wouldn't be able to reach her at home but still took the overtime knowing she may well end up turning up.

lorelei9here · 18/04/2016 19:22

She doesn't live anywhere near me no.
I forgot about the partner tbh, I was asked first thing this morning and it is a real jam re being short staffed

I was just thinking that she will pick up her messages and then when I was making dinner I remembered she's often there Minday night because of a social thing they do together.

I don't know anyone else she knows. She doesn't do tech of any kind.

OP posts:

incognitofan · 18/04/2016 19:23

Is she on FB? Or her boyfriend? Can you send a message that way?

lorelei9here · 18/04/2016 19:24

I don't tend to think of her as uncontactable, she does have an answering machine. My boss would have had to ring an agency and pay fees etc if I'd said no.

OP posts:

diddl · 18/04/2016 19:25

Will you be able to phone her tomorrow at all?

There's no reason to think that she wouldn't check her messages though, is there?

austenozzy · 18/04/2016 19:26

Leave a message with the landlord of the pub asking them to look out for her?

bluebrushes · 18/04/2016 19:26

But she can call her phone from her partners house and pick up her messages from her landline , surely?

pocketsaviour · 18/04/2016 19:27

But if it's tomorrow night, surely she'll go home on Tuesday (to get ready to go out to meet you if nothing else) and pick up the message then.

If she chooses not to use a mobile or email then she takes her chances tbh. If you turn down the conveniences of the age then you can't expect everyone to go out of their way to accommodate you.

Etainagain · 18/04/2016 19:27

Will she be home from her partner's late tonight or tomorrow morning? Could you keep trying to get hold of her? Have you got any mutual friends who you could ask to meet up with her instead?

lorelei9here · 18/04/2016 19:27

Diddl, yes I'll keep trying tomorrow. What worries me is if she stays at her partner's place, then sets off from there without checking her messages.

OP posts:

Etainagain · 18/04/2016 19:30

Do you know anything about her partner? Could you contact him on FB or find out his number? What is the social thing they do tonight...any way to make contact through that?

MrsH1989 · 18/04/2016 19:38

Not unreasonable to cancel, if she doesn't have a mobile it is not your problem. I would do everything in my power to contact her though(as much for my own conscience than anything). Try to find the partner either on FB, phone book, the social engagement they will be at tonight. I would also try ringing again a few times tomorrow. If you leave more than one message then she will know you tried your best.

lorelei9here · 18/04/2016 19:39

It's a music activity but I don't know what they are called or where they meet
I know her partner's first name and that's it

No Facebook, Twitter etc. (Her not me) No mutual contacts.
Actually as I type I think I've done the only thing I could.

OP posts:

looki · 18/04/2016 19:43

Has she ever mentioned where her partner works? If its a small place you could try contacting him and seeing if he can get a message to her?

looki · 18/04/2016 19:43

*tomorrow morning obv not tonight.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

lorelei9here · 18/04/2016 19:49

Looki, no.i know his first name. I know roughly what he does but the total info is a bit like "he's called Paul and works in accounts in an office in Essex".

I have left more than one message already so hopefully she will realise I did my best. Or rather, used the only contact method available!

OP posts:

lorelei9here · 18/04/2016 19:51

Blue, yes, I am hoping she will check her messages remotely.

OP posts:

looki · 18/04/2016 20:03

How often do you meet OP? Is it once every couple of months or less frequently. If it is less frequently I think I wouldn't have accepted OT.

However as pp said plans can change for many reasons and if she doesn't check messages or allow herself to be easily contacted, there isn't much you can do.

Maybe when you next meet ask her if she can double check with you in future before leaving the house?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.