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self fulfilling prophecy?

(5 Posts)
Leopard12 Mon 18-Apr-16 18:44:35

Definitely BU as I don't have any kids, but my MIL constantly refers to my younger nephew (almost 2) as the naughty one compared to his older brother (3 1/2). She says (in a baby voice) "who's naughty, yes you are" and gets him to say he's naughty but all in a jokey way. She also makes light of it when he does 'naughty' things, i.e. the other day SIL left him watching TV and was distracted on the phone, he left out the back door and was half way down the metal back steps! MIL then was saying things like 'oooh that's very naughty, yes you're a very naughty insertname' again in a baby voice making him giggle, whilst I don't think she should scream and shout at him, he just wanted to go outside and obviously doesn't understand but I feel talking to him like this means he gets a positive response for doing bad things, and consistently telling him he's naughty will just make him think he is and therefore do bad things. SIL doesn't seem to mind but doesn't do it herself but MIL does look after a lot. I want to have DC soon and I will hate it if she does this to mine.

Anyone had similar problems/whats your opinions,

MattDillonsPants Tue 19-Apr-16 05:22:36's not right but it isn't your problem is it? You're not the child's parent and you can't really complain on her behalf.

Until you have your own, there's nothing to consider.

timeforabrewnow Tue 19-Apr-16 05:32:15

You might have to wait 16 years to see if it's a self fulfilling prophecy.

If you find her annoying, then you would have to make alternative childcare arrangements. <helpful>

She sounds mildly irritating, but at least she''s making him giggle and they're having a laugh together. The child is 2 - so not an unreasonable way to deal with him.

legotits Tue 19-Apr-16 05:57:39

YANBU about negative reinforcement.

I'm convinced my middle DB suffered from this he was the naughty one in our family but it was just his label, in reality the rest of us were worse but not noticed.
He didn't turn out well.

I dislike the 'sexy bum' comments at babies more though.

If you can mention it nicely 'oh he isn't naughty he is lovely' etc and mention you wouldn't want him confused but he isn't yours so not much you can do apart from try and counter it.

curren Tue 19-Apr-16 06:11:51

The mum doesn't seem to mind.

Unless you are there all the time you have no idea if she is doing it all the time. She may use lots of positive reinforcement as well.

Personally I would keep well out. Surely he spends a lot of time with his own parents who don't do this.

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