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I did something awful but she exaggerated

(40 Posts)
travellinghopefully12 Mon 18-Apr-16 11:45:29

I'm really upset right now, but questioning whether I have a right to be.

A few weeks ago I visited one of my friends, a professional artist, in her studio. When there I put my bag on her desk, and I know this is terrible, but I had a pasta salad in it and it leaked on one of her sketches. It was a sketch not a painting, but I know it's her work. I apologised profusely and we cleaned the oil and pesto off and hung it up. She said she thought it would be OK it just needed to dry. I asked if there was anything I could do, and she said no, not a big deal.

The other day I was talking to another friend who mentioned how I had destroyed one of this girl's paintings (not a sketch, a completed painting which she would sell and was now totally unsaleable.) She also said I had spilt food all over it.

I know it is her work and my original actions were careless and unacceptable, but why did she say it was OK if it wasn't? And why is she now telling people I destroyed a completed painting?

I want to confront her, nicely, but ask why she's saying this, but the mutual friend told me not to, and said the artist girl had told her this in confidence. Would I be unreasonable to ask her for coffee and a chat anyway?

PerspicaciaTick Mon 18-Apr-16 11:50:14

It may be that it is the mutual friend who is being a shit stirrer and exaggerating what she has been told to wind you up. The fact that she has told you not to speak to the artist directly makes me very suspicious of mutual friend's motives.

TBH I'd speak to the artist, tell her you have heard that she is really unhappy and that the piece of work was more valuable than you had initially assumed. Check that she really is OK and there is nothing you can do to offer recompense.

Arfarfanarf Mon 18-Apr-16 11:52:12

Will she not just exaggerate that too?

Before you know it you will have yelled at her in public and made her feel crap and probably threatened her too.

You also don't know that the mutual friend isn't stirring it a bit as well.

But yes, if you are upset then by all means ask her about it if you feel that it is something you want to straighten out.

Crispbutty Mon 18-Apr-16 11:52:17

I agree with Perspicacia. The mutual friend doesnt want you to speak to the artist because she is about to get caught out shit stirring..

travellinghopefully12 Mon 18-Apr-16 11:53:09

Thanks Perspicacia (how are you by the way? I was meaning to message you again after I saw rheumy)

I want to raise it with the artist and offer her recompense, but the mutual friend has specifically asked me not to and said it was told her in confidence. I was a bit surprised when she told me, but I thought it was out of concern?

Lucked Mon 18-Apr-16 11:54:02

Are you sure she doesn't ever sell sketches?

Do you ever meet up in a group? If so I would leave it till then and then tell the story again as above, explaining how sorry you were that you ruined a sketch. Give details of what it was a sketch of too and finish with a thank goodness it wasn't a painting.

YvaineStormhold Mon 18-Apr-16 11:54:59

She's shit stirring.

Catch her out. It will be very satisfying.

curren Mon 18-Apr-16 11:56:26

In all probability she may have Exaggerated a little and the mutual friend has exaggerated even more.

I would just leave it

PerspicaciaTick Mon 18-Apr-16 11:57:00

Hello! Hope the rheumy was helpful - drop me a PM if you fancy giving me an update.

It just seems a really odd thing to tell someone "in confidence". Something doesn't ring true and at the moment it is damaging two friendships and I can only see it festering if you don't say anything.

travellinghopefully12 Mon 18-Apr-16 11:57:39

arfarg I don't know. I would just like to speak to her. She is a worrier but I have never seen her do anything malicious before, so I am confused. (have known her years.)

Maybe there is a way I can raise it with her without raising mutual friend. I don't know.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Mon 18-Apr-16 11:59:00

If she was told this in confidence then why did she say it to you?
I'd contact artist, say you have heard from friend that the sketch was valuable and couldn't be recovered and offer to pay her for it. You were really careless putting your bag on top of her artwork and you should pay for it.

RaeSkywalker Mon 18-Apr-16 11:59:37

I'd say "X has told me I've ruined something you wanted to sell by dropping food all over it. I'm so sorry, I got the impression at the time that you thought it would be ok?"

Or something along those lines. I'd also wait for a group setting I think.

Catmuffin Mon 18-Apr-16 11:59:45

You don't need to mention the friend spoke to you. Just say "I've been thinking i probably lost you a sale and I'd like to give you some money to make up for it."

RaeSkywalker Mon 18-Apr-16 12:00:09

I'd also offer to compensate her.

travellinghopefully12 Mon 18-Apr-16 12:00:20

Thank you perspicacia, I will message tonight when I have my letters in front of me (they have the jargon in.)

I think perhaps it is a matter of exaggeration, then further exaggeration then it snowballed. I might speak with mutual friend again and just ask her to clarify that was definitely whaht was said

RudeElf Mon 18-Apr-16 12:00:39

Mutual friend is shit stirring. Otherwise why come to you to tell you what was told in confidence? Think about it.

notquitegrownup2 Mon 18-Apr-16 12:00:58

You should be able to check online whether she sells her sketches, and how much she charges. If she does, I woud get in touch with her independently and say that you are still feeling awful about it, and you would like to recompense her for the damage, and see what she says. No need to mention the other friend at all.

Micah Mon 18-Apr-16 12:02:02

You could just bring it up

"it's been really bothering me, i know how much time and effort goes into even a sketch- i know i can't replace it but maybe i could buy it off you? I still think it's amazing even with a bit of pasta sauce, id frame it and have a great story about how i got an original piece of artwork"...

travellinghopefully12 Mon 18-Apr-16 12:03:11

Micah that actually sounds like a genius solution, I think I'll do that. Thank you!

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 18-Apr-16 12:05:41

I'd agree with buying it, I would probably say what rae suggested as I think the mutual friend is shit stirring.

Catmuffin Mon 18-Apr-16 12:07:31

Good idea. Hopefully she hasn't ditched it.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 18-Apr-16 12:10:14

It's like Chinese whispers unless you speak directly to the artist. I would just get back to her. Say you are still troubled by your blunder and want to know if she initially made light of the sketch being damaged to spare your feelings.

If you raised the topic and mutual friend blabbed, or if mutual friend deliberately brought up the incident, it's too bad now if mutual friend worries about you approaching the artist on the matter.

angielou123 Mon 18-Apr-16 12:11:15

Some people have to dramatise stuff just to have something to moan about. I wouldn't give it another thought. If she wasn't bothered enough to moan about it at the time, she's just shit stirring for some attention. Bless her (sarcastically).

AugustaFinkNottle Mon 18-Apr-16 12:18:19

I don't see why you shouldn't tell her that mutual friend told you about it. You didn't agree that anything was in confidence, and it's not your problem if mutual friend went against her agreement with the artist.

Before jumping in with offers of compensation, are you sure she isn't insured for damage to her paintings?

AppleSetsSail Mon 18-Apr-16 12:18:59

It could also be the case that the artist is passive-aggressive or non-confrontational and didn't fully express how upset she was.

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