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Aibu ....dp. Asking for 1k present again!

(181 Posts)
flopseyR72 Mon 18-Apr-16 11:11:34

I'm I being Aibu my Dh is generous and spends a lot. He keeps asking me to pay big presents. He asked and I had to pay for a 1.5k stereo which he hasn't used for bday. Now he wants 1k flights to America for holidays on his own in summer, I have a good job but I'm on may leave. Decided to take a year off so only smp then nothing. He pays all bills and it's his flat. I gave him 25k for renovation in lieu of 2 years board and bills. We both buy food. He often pays more for dinners out etc. I am much more careful than him. I buy all baby stuff equipment, food, nappies and anything she needs. We are buying a house in my mortgage and deposit this summer. I want to keep all this cash and be careful. He wants me to pay his flights. He says he will pay flights to Spain for us three in August. May be I am being Aibu but it annoys me why he keeps asking for big stuff. He bought me expensive presents Jewlerry in past but I never asked for this. I want to bad carefully. He gives money pays for grown up daughters car and insurance etc. would you pay for flights or not. I feel mean but resent the extra expense on Mat leave. Want to spend it on baby new house. Thanks

Itinerary Mon 18-Apr-16 11:14:35

If he hasn't used the stereo, could he sell it to pay for the flights to America?

flopseyR72 Mon 18-Apr-16 11:17:45

He is going to use it apparently when we move. He could pay himself but as I say he spends money all the time gives money away so never has savings.

GiddyOnZackHunt Mon 18-Apr-16 11:18:30

Are you the poster who doesn't want to move to the country while DH stays in his London flat?

Lighteningirll Mon 18-Apr-16 11:19:18

No way would I pay this whilst saving for a house and on mat leave read your post back this is all very wrong. You need to have a very open and honest discussion about money and sharing future finances.

5BlueHydrangea Mon 18-Apr-16 11:20:28

As you're living together surely it should be considered family money? As you're on mat leave and less money you would think he could consider this. £1k is a big expense when you have other priorities for your money I think.

flopseyR72 Mon 18-Apr-16 11:20:48

Ah yes but he has agreed to stay in the area so I can keep job and he keeps his. He is doing it for sake of our dd, House will be in my name. So we are trying to work things out.

Costacoffeeplease Mon 18-Apr-16 11:21:24

The 25k does sound v familiar - you're not still with the twat are you?

whois Mon 18-Apr-16 11:22:13

The 25k does sound v familiar - you're not still with the twat are you?

I this is you.... same advice as last time. FUCK HIM RIGHT OFF LOVE

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Mon 18-Apr-16 11:22:22

Your finances are well weird hmm
You're married yes? So your £25k will see a return. Why do you pay all the baby stuff? Why can't he buy his own flights?

ArcheryAnnie Mon 18-Apr-16 11:23:56

Seriously, if you are having a baby together, then you need to have a bigger conversation than just about holiday money. I can tell you from experience that your finances will be more entangled than they have ever been, and at the same time your earning potentials will start to diverge as you are on maternity leave, and then you will have to pay for childcare, etc.

I would add that if you are living together and having a baby together, then you are no longer a "boarder", who gives renovation money in lieu of rent, but something else. (If you are paying towards the home and you split, the courts may take that view, too.)

flopseyR72 Mon 18-Apr-16 11:24:23

Well he changed his mind and is being considerate of me and baby. I am keeping my job and buying house in my name. So giving it a try.

GiddyOnZackHunt Mon 18-Apr-16 11:25:35

Thanks for clarifying smile
He just doesn't seem to regard your needs very highly. It's incredibly rude to ask for a £1k gift unless you're incredibly rich. I had a book and socks for my birthday and am very pleased. We aren't poor.
Yanbu and he needs to start respecting you as part of working it out.

flopseyR72 Mon 18-Apr-16 11:25:45

We are not married. Our finances are separate. When I'm working I earn more than him and have savings.

flopseyR72 Mon 18-Apr-16 11:28:06

The savings are for the house though. I was pissed off about the 1.5 k present. I would never ask for a large present. He us generous though and pays for stuff.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Mon 18-Apr-16 11:30:20

You're not married?
Did you get something in writing for the £25k?

carabos Mon 18-Apr-16 11:31:16

Just say no.

Costacoffeeplease Mon 18-Apr-16 11:31:42

He ASKS for a £1k present?? He's just one brilliant idea after another isn't he? Do you really want to keep putting up with his crap?

He's being 'considerate' wow - that's the very least he should be

flopseyR72 Mon 18-Apr-16 11:35:11

I gave him the money as he has been paying bills and would have been paying rent. I am not asking for anything back. But don't want to spend thousands on holiday when on Mat leave.

shutupandshop Mon 18-Apr-16 11:35:16

I don't understand these financial set ups at all.confused dhs money is equally mine, if I worked mine would be his too.

Why do you buy everything for dd?

SENMumoftwo Mon 18-Apr-16 11:35:21

YANBU........ At all!!!

I'm sorry, but no matter how much you earn and what savings you have, he has NO right to expect these things off you.

I don't know the backstory but this post set alarm bells ringing for me.

molyholy Mon 18-Apr-16 11:35:51

He wants you to pay one thousand pounds so he can go on holiday without you?????? You would be an absolute mug to do this.

BarbaraofSeville Mon 18-Apr-16 11:36:56

Why doesn't he just stop giving all his money away and pay for his own flights but more importantly, why does he want to go on holiday by himself without you and the baby?

314inTheSky Mon 18-Apr-16 11:37:02

it's his flat, and you've no rights to it if you split up.

I don't think he's generous. I think he's the type to think "I'm putting a roof over your head". Makes sure that you have your own nest to feather. Do you have any rights to the "nest" you are currently feather/investing in to?

Can you prove that you funded the extension. I'd work on lining up the paperwork to prove that in court. It's going to be messy walking away from that canny little tightwad. He is not generous.

My x was like him. Had me paying for all the things that meant nothing. The mortgage was in his name, we werent married. I just had to walk away with nothing after years and years of feathering his nest. I was very stupid though. It's not that I didn't SEE it. Every time I challenged him it casued a massive row.


flopseyR72 Mon 18-Apr-16 11:37:48

I feel like dd is my responsibility. He wasn't sure about having baby so I had to agree to buy bigger house, let him travel on holiday I feel like I should pay for her stuff as I wanted her. He doesn't make me I just do it.

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