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Lending SIL money ...

(17 Posts)
Cutecat78 Sun 17-Apr-16 23:58:06

SIL is a lot younger than OH. I have distanced myself over the years as she and MIL only ever get in contact when they need money. They know how I feel about this.

We both work and do ok but we have a lot of outgoings with 6 kids and maintenance etc and are trying to save for various things.

MIL in her 50s and has never worked (there is nothing wrong with her) claimed JSA until FIL and her sold the house after divorce - she lived on that money (£40K) the last two years but that has now all gone (rent and who knows what else) and she's had to get a part time job. Her and SIL rent together privately as they couldn't get a council house (I was v hmm about them even trying) SIL has always worked.

SIL BF moved in a year or so ago and he has no job. They live a long way from us and we fell out massively last year when they didn't even send OH a birthday card for his 40th - I had a party for mine which they didn't come to either (I didn't care) DSS came and so did OH best mates from home town.

SIL has texted OH this week saying over the last year she and BF have managed to get themselves 20k into debt on credit cards and a car loan in her name and she's in a mess and can we (well he) help.

I only found this out because his dad phoned and he took the call in front of me and discussed it.

He has said no but only because we took out a loan last year for some home improvements. FIL rightly has told her to sort it out herself but OH showed me the texts between him and her and it was clear he was going to take out a loan in his name for her to repay and probably not tell me.

AIBU to just feel pissed off that he does not see how his family just use him as a meal ticket. The thing he was most upset about was that they didn't come to my party because they said they couldn't afford it while this was clearly during the time the major spending was happening - I really did not care about this but he did more than the fact she didn't even send him a card for his while he gifted her £400 for her 21st to spend on a holiday.

Doinmummy Mon 18-Apr-16 00:01:21

If he gives her the money he should be prepared to write it off - he will not be repaid.

I'd be massively pissed off if I were you.

Cutecat78 Mon 18-Apr-16 00:02:42

He's said he isn't going to (tbh I don't think he would be able to get another loan on top of the one we already have).

But we have a house together.

Doinmummy Mon 18-Apr-16 00:05:45

Tell her to get in touch with a debt management company . MIL and BF need to get themselves a job, they all sound a nightmare .

Cutecat78 Mon 18-Apr-16 00:07:39

He did apparently - as I was in debt before I met him trying to keep my house as a single mum (I paid off myself) but told SIL all about it and recommended the company I used sadangry

Bananalanacake Mon 18-Apr-16 00:11:05

So her BF isn't working and they are 20K in debt?? has he thought of getting a job, sorry if you've given a reason - I must have missed it.

Cutecat78 Mon 18-Apr-16 00:12:48

He did get a job but apparently mouthed off at the boss and was sacked.

They all claim this and that and are each other's "carers" it does my head in tbh sad

Cutecat78 Mon 18-Apr-16 00:16:44

I am worried that it's all in her name tbh and he is going to do fuck all to help her repay it all sad.

Having been in debt management myself I know it's no picnic.

ijustwannadance Mon 18-Apr-16 00:20:41

If your DP gives them the money he is a bloody idiot. Like they would pay in back and would just keep adding to their debt as they have no means to pay it.

NanaNina Mon 18-Apr-16 00:36:54

I think the real problem here is your DH and his willingness to borrow money to give to his sister without discussing it with you. I would be furious - you can't exactly be rolling in it with 6 kids and a home to run etc. Does he put his sister before you and the kids. I would want an absolute promise that he won't lend them money in any circumstances. If he took out a loan with your house as surety and then they didn't repay (which they wouldn't - you can't get out of debt by loans) then you could end up losing your house.

They all sound like a waste of space.

Cutecat78 Mon 18-Apr-16 00:39:30

I think if he used the house as surety my signature would be needed too.

I hope!

fatmomma99 Mon 18-Apr-16 00:43:14

run for the hills - sounds like a nightmare!!!!

Cutecat78 Mon 18-Apr-16 00:49:11

They are - that's why I have little contact.

He isn't - I love him to bits but they damaged him a lot.

Cutecat78 Thu 21-Apr-16 12:47:33

ARGH - so glad he did not take out a loan for her.

Her BF has been posting on FB (am not friends but he tagged her) about their holiday in Antigua in August FFS!

Seeing as we can't afford to go abroad this year and are taking 5 of the kids camping in England - am pretty glad we're not subsidising theirs.

Arfarfanarf Thu 21-Apr-16 12:55:03

And how does your partner now feel, having seen that? Has it made him realise they were taking him for a total mug?

Or has he somehow got the money to them without you finding out? Are you quite sure that hasn't happened?

Cutecat78 Thu 21-Apr-16 13:11:24

No he wouldn't have done that.

I hope so I took a screenshot grin

VitaSackvileVeste Thu 21-Apr-16 14:51:46

I presume some of the £20,000 debt is for the Caribbean holiday, and not new extra debt. Has anyone told them that August is the hurricane season in that part of the world?

I really hope your OH doesn't take out a loan only for SIL et al to piss up the money against the wall.

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