Advanced search feel uneasy about this?

(26 Posts)
ExpressTrainComingThrough Sun 17-Apr-16 12:43:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarieJeanne Sun 17-Apr-16 13:01:26

I am always super wary about dogs and young children, especially if the dog was around before the kids.
Our daughter was bitten by our Labrador when she was 11mo. Fortunately she has no memory of it and no visible scars, but we had the dog pts and it was a very traumatic experience.
I'm not sure how you can manage this situation, but don't ignore your instincts for the sake of harmony.

dakin1 Sun 17-Apr-16 13:07:16

YANBU. My friend has a jealous dog and I am always on edge when visiting with DD. Can you invite PIL to spend more time at your place?

DownInThePark Sun 17-Apr-16 13:09:15

I'm not keen on confrontation either but you know you really do need to speak out about this. The safety of DD & DN take priority. Good luck.

veryproudvolleyballmum Sun 17-Apr-16 13:10:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExpressTrainComingThrough Sun 17-Apr-16 13:33:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 17-Apr-16 13:36:57

The dog is jealous of your DN. Has already nipped him. I think I'd have grave concerns too. What the hell are they thinking of. Allowing a jealous dog around a baby. The consequences are potentially disastrous.
I don't blame you for feeling uneasy. I think we all would. No way would my child be around that dog.

dillydotty Sun 17-Apr-16 13:38:33

You can never trust any dog no matter how placid. You can never trust any child not to provoke the dog even if it is an accident (treading on a tail etc). Kids should always be supervised around dogs to protect both of them.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 17-Apr-16 13:38:41

With the amount of dog attacks. No way are you being over protective. Are you in laws on glue.

ExpressTrainComingThrough Sun 17-Apr-16 13:41:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExpressTrainComingThrough Sun 17-Apr-16 13:45:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gide Sun 17-Apr-16 13:53:15

No dog is safe, regardless of breed. The most aggressive dogs I've ever come across have been labs and springers, the dogs heralded as suitable family pets. All depends on upbringing. I know my younger ones would hate being pulled round by kids, although big one would just cuddle up and lick bare feet.

The dog must be supervised very closely with the DC. I bet the families who had babies killed by dogs never thought it would happen to them. YANBU, no way would I leave a DC with SIL or pil if dog is there.

Booboostwo Sun 17-Apr-16 14:23:59

I think you need to give more information about the dog's behaviour. If all that is happened is that the child hurt the dog and the dog gave a small nip then that is not a dangerous dog, that is just an animal. DCs and dogs should be well supervised so that DCs do not get to hurt dogs as some (many?) dogs will bite when hurt. If you do not trust BIL and SIL to supervise your DD around the dog so that she does not get a chance to hurt the dog then you need to talk to them about it.

In what sense is the dog jealous of DN? Jealousy is not a term usually used to explain dog behaviour so it would be useful to tell us what the dog does.

PurpleCrazyHorse Sun 17-Apr-16 14:26:24

It sounds awful, but would you rather not upset PIL/SIL/DH or would you rather explain to your DD why she has a scar from a dog bite (or worse)?

I find confrontation really hard but I always try to remember that I'm the advocate for my children while they're too young to make decisions themselves. It is my job to protect them, not to keep quiet rather than offending someone else. It is definitely harder to do that say on MN, but it really helps me put things into perspective.

SquidgeyMidgey Sun 17-Apr-16 14:29:09

The dog is a Labrador, oddly enough. I always thought labs were fairly easy going. I think any dog would react to someone pulling their whiskers (very painful) and sitting on them. SIL and BIL are nuts, YADNBU.

Eva50 Sun 17-Apr-16 14:31:40

We got our lab when ds3 was 3 months old nearly 10 years ago. (ds1 and ds2 were 12 and 10). They have grown up together and ddog has never been anything but loving and gentle to ds. I still never left them alone together or left the room without taking one of them with me until a couple of years ago and if ds has a friend to play I shut ddog away as he is protective of ds and I worry he may misinterpret play fighting etc.

Could you say you are worried that the dog may hurt your dd accidentally whilst trying to protect dn?

MrsMainwaring Sun 17-Apr-16 14:31:49

They are not dog people
A dog needs a master to follow and needs to know the baby is above him in the pecking order

I have always had dogs and you are not being unreasonable a all

TimeToMuskUp Sun 17-Apr-16 14:33:15

Not BU at all. We have a rescue spaniel who is a lovely, lovely dog. But I'd never leave her alone with the DCs when they were small because she was always prone to anxiety and stress, and you could often see in her eyes how uncomfortable she was when DS2 was tiny and crawled about near her. We took her to obedience classes and the tutor suggested whistling her every time I left the room; she learned incredibly quickly that when I left the room she would follow me and go and lie in her own bed. Fast forward to DS2 being 5 and she now instinctively leaves the room when I do. I have no concerns over DS2's safety now, but she still does as she's been taught.

I would follow your instincts when it comes to a dog. Bites can do such horrible damage, and better to have a fall out with in-laws than a DD bitten.

RaeSkywalker Sun 17-Apr-16 14:34:24

YANBU. I think caution is always best in these situations.

My cousin's Jack Russell bit her DD on the face when she was only 4 months old. The girl still has a scar (not very noticeable, but definitely visible) and is nearly 18 now. The dog was pts and I was a flipping awful experience for all involved. The week before the incident happened the dog had actually bitten my little brother's leg simply because my cousin had picked DB up to give him a cuddle and the dog got jealous. It was shrugged of as a one off incident at the time.

NotReallySureNow Sun 17-Apr-16 15:09:41

It's so sad when ignorant people like your SIL get animals as pets, treat them inappropriately and allow them to develop bad habits then consider disposing of them when it doesn't suit them any more.

airforsharon Sun 17-Apr-16 17:14:18

Not Really makes a good point, so often animals are 'ruined' by crap owners and poor training.

Fwiw, more children are bitten by 'family' breeds such as Labradors and Retrievers each year than are bitten by breeds such as Staffies. Possibly because people assume Labs etc are generally docile so are more inclined to leave dcs and dog unsupervised. Any dog has the potential to snap, especially if hurt.

I have dogs and cats and dcs, I've put a huge amount of time and energy into training the dogs (and the dcs!) and trust them, but only up to a point. Slack 'oh they wouldn't hurt a fly' dog owners (my Mum was one to a vicious little sod of a terrier) really get my goat.

CanuckBC Sun 17-Apr-16 17:32:58

This is more on your Sil/Bil. DN should not have been allowed to ride the dog or pull his whiskers. The dog probably gave warning signs before snapping at the child that went unnoticed. The poor dog is being set up for failure due to bad ownership and should be given to a good family that will train him and the kids on better interaction. The children should be taught proper gentle interaction with the dog and cues to leave the poor thing alone. It's not a pony and should t be ridden under any circumstances.
I am with you and wouldn't want my child at PIL due to their lack of dog sense. It's an accident waiting to happen and the poor dog will pay as will the child most likely.
For the person that said they haven't heard the word jealous with respect to animals before it is common. Animals that are treated as people and are pampered and seen as equal get very jealous when a baby comma along and are not shown where they belong in the pack. They don't get nearly as much attention as they used to, rules change and so much more does. Dogs can react in many different ways sometime being protective of the owner and getting "angry" when giving attention to the child or overtly protective of food, toys etc. They can get destructive, tart peeing and pooing in the house. It can get really messed up for the dogs especially without a proper introduction to the pack and how they should accept them. It sucks for the dog as they usually pay either by PTS or re-homing or being ignored and neglected due to behaviours.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 17-Apr-16 17:40:42

Yanbu. Absolutely not.

The situation you describe is a recipe for disaster.

I have two dogs and a baby (10 months), all baby/dog contact is carefully watched and we also keep an eye on their general body language around the baby. If the behaviour you describe in your op ever occurred we would rehome the dog/s. Because clearly the dog is stressed and the baby not safe.

CatchIt Sun 17-Apr-16 17:59:09

Oh dear. This will not end well. You have the classic recipe of baby substitute + actual baby + ignorance whach can only equal a disaster.

Your PIL, SIL & BIL are going to have to accept that unless they protect the dog and the dc's you should avoid seeing them. I know it sounds drastic, but I'm betting that once the dog bites a child, it will be massive surprise and the dog will be pts.

I have a large breed dog that we had for a few years before dd. We have always instilled into both of them a healthy respect for each other. Dd knows that when ddog walks off into her room, she must leave her alone.

All children need to learn how to behave round dogs.

Booboostwo Sun 17-Apr-16 18:57:10

CanuckBC i asked for more information on the behaviour the OP characterises as jealousy as that is simply not a term used by behaviourists. Some of what you say relates to outdated ideas about dominance and pack theory, some to resource guarding. Dogs can certainly resource guard their owners but when assessing a dog it's important to correctly interpret what he is doing so as to understand the causes of the behaviour and adopt the right techniques to change it.

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