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To be angry to find so many threads on fights regarding house chores

(267 Posts)
Valentine2 Sat 16-Apr-16 12:38:15

I think it should be regarded a national emergency considering the distress it's causing to at least half the population (women mostly) and definitely the stress extends to men.
see I think we can actually use Mumsnet as a platform for starting a campaign for this? It can involve academics, funding (Mumsnet can help with that perhaps?) and of course lots of coverage/campaign in media.
I do think that if we are finding this level of stress among mothers and women in general, it is something that must be discussed in an organised way.

AdrenalineFudge Sat 16-Apr-16 12:39:00


EatShitDerek Sat 16-Apr-16 12:39:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty Sat 16-Apr-16 12:40:09

I'm not getting this. Sorry.

TheChippendenSpook Sat 16-Apr-16 12:40:41

You've lost me!

Valentine2 Sat 16-Apr-16 12:41:06

Yeah I think it's national crisis. I am serious about this.

TheChippendenSpook Sat 16-Apr-16 12:42:00

Have you got too much time on your hands?

EatShitDerek Sat 16-Apr-16 12:42:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty Sat 16-Apr-16 12:43:02

I've never felt more tempted to use the "are you on glue?" line.

National crisis? Really?

Pancakeflipper Sat 16-Apr-16 12:45:18

What will we do?
Walk the streets in dustcoats waving vaccums above our heads?

Valentine2 Sat 16-Apr-16 12:45:44

See I am part of a household and I relate to all of those threads one way or the other at some point. And there so fucking many it really pisses me off. It's 2016 ffs? Let's start a major study that ends in recommendations and guidelines just as we have for all other things parenting related. What's wrong with having a manual to which couples could refer to and that does justice.
For example, I have this question that nags me always: *how much energy does DH has in his body per 24 hours compared to me and how much percentage of it we devote to household chores?*Is that a stupid question? 🤔 I can bet my arm and leg and what not that it's not!!

Obviouspretzel Sat 16-Apr-16 12:46:15

To be fair, it does seem crazy how many people on here do almost all the work around the house while their partner does basically nothing. Naively, I had thought that those days were gone. Well, not gone, but nearly.

AdrenalineFudge Sat 16-Apr-16 12:46:42

Is this some sort of high-brow humour that has just completely flown over my head as I'm not understanding it at all. This is the type of idea that makes so many people write-off Mumsnet as a site full of hysterical handwringing women.

EatShitDerek Sat 16-Apr-16 12:47:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sat 16-Apr-16 12:49:08

Maybe women care more about household chores and as a result, see them more of a priority?

There's essential household chores and then the less essential ones. Why is it a crisis if it's not done to one persons standard? Who sets the Barr?

DoctorDoctor Sat 16-Apr-16 12:49:58

There is a whole history of trivialising issues around the fair division of housework that goes back to the 70s and hey presto, it's here too. I know what you mean OP. So many threads that indicate how women still accept that they should do more around the house than men and that it seems impossible to change that. Makes me cross reading them too.

TheDuchessOfArbroathsHat Sat 16-Apr-16 12:50:02

Is this some sort of high-brow humour that has just completely flown over my head as I'm not understanding it at all

This. Many times over. Not getting your train of thought on this one at all OP.
PS - Are you on glue? grin

Valentine2 Sat 16-Apr-16 12:51:20

To be fair no. But I honestly want to know how much energy (percentage wise) does each person use in working for their family? This is something that could really help solve it. For example I won't be resentful if DH has put 75% of his energy already and I have used only 50% by 7.00 pm? I will willingly do the rest of the tasks if they take up 25% more and then expect him to contribute. I know it sounds bonkers right now. But at least a crude figure can be obtained somehow. IYSWIM?

ilovesooty Sat 16-Apr-16 12:51:33

It's perfectly reasonable to suggest that equality in partnerships is healthy and necessary.
It's completely unreasonable to think money should be spent on a study.

wasonthelist Sat 16-Apr-16 12:54:39

This is the type of idea that makes so many people write-off Mumsnet as a site full of hysterical handwringing women.

You can't say hysterical any more - didn't you get the memo.

TheSolitaryWanderer Sat 16-Apr-16 12:55:23

It's never made sense to me that anyone would be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect them, their views and their opinions as equal to their own.
I'd rather put funding into red flag awareness, and helping individuals remember they are vertebrates.

Valentine2 Sat 16-Apr-16 12:57:46

This is not high brow humour or something and I wish I could be on something. Think of the highest possible academic degree in this country and then some. I have that and I am fully sane when I say we need to calculate this kind of thing. I happen to do a lot of the household work that looks trivial but involves multitasking mostly and it KILLS my professional side. My work required you to be absolutely singleminded and deadly focused. But I am full ready to sacrifice that if DH is doing it too.
So we DO need a through discussion. It's a scientific question that I asked. And not a stupid question either.
And I don't care who thinks mumsnet is considered bonkers Because of women like me. That's a compliment honestly.

TheSolitaryWanderer Sat 16-Apr-16 13:00:53

We have so many statistics about housework and gender roles in the home, collated over years. Have they had an impact other than a raised eyebrow, a nod and a sigh?
What use would more academic, physiological statistics be? The change needs to be one of equality and women not facilitating boys and men in their inertia.

Valentine2 Sat 16-Apr-16 13:01:22

Sigh. See, I think men are actually facing a lot of difficulty in helping their wives because there is a terrible lack of awareness about how our bodies work on daily basis energy wise. Somebody raised their voice decades ago so we are not in 1950s anymore.
I think this is the best way forward and I don't think the study will cost more than a couple million or so? We have NHS website etc for basic guidance, right? How about a website helping the couples to decide house chores based on their energy levels? 🤔

TheSolitaryWanderer Sat 16-Apr-16 13:05:39

'Let's start a major study that ends in recommendations and guidelines just as we have for all other things parenting related. '

Make a list of the jobs that need doing, broken down into daily/weekly/monthly and the rest.
Have a sit down with your family and divide up the jobs according to ability and preference.
You will be left with certain jobs that no one likes, so you divide them up on a rota.
If someone can't do their bit for whatever reason, they negotiate with another member of the family and reach an accommodation.
review calmly and in a civilised manner as and when necessary.
We started this in 1983 in my family and it's been rolling along relatively smoothly ever since.

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