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AIBU to think this woman should just mind her own business??

(25 Posts)
Hagrid3112 Sat 16-Apr-16 10:20:13

Looking after the 4 children I nanny for today. One of them is currently in a dance lesson and the rest of us are in the waiting room.
2yo crawls under the chairs and eats everything he finds, takes people's toys, runs away when you try to get him back, and other typical 2yo behaviour, so I told him to "stay here", which he listens to, by the way. It's also a policy of the dance school that children aren't allowed to run around in here in case they fall over.
A mother of one of the other dancers, who I've never spoken to, or even seen before, pipes up and tells me to just leave him and let him run around. I said he eats things off the floor and just runs away, trying to be polite and wondering who the hell she is. Then she replied with "Well, that's alright. It's what they do. Just let him be."
Is it just me, or should she just fuck the fuck off??
If I was properly mistreating any of the kids then I'd hope someone would step in and say something, but why does she feel like she can interfere over something so small and try to make a 2yr old stop listening to me?!

VioletTea Sat 16-Apr-16 10:30:01

YANBU. Arrogant woman.

MeadowHay Sat 16-Apr-16 11:07:11

YANBU, she needs to shut up and mind her own business.

SweetieDrops Sat 16-Apr-16 11:14:58

She sounds like a pain. There was a mother like that at DD's gymnastics, her toddler ran wild climbing on other people's tables, kicking seats and screaming and she was all "it's what they do" too. I'm so glad DD doesn't go there anymore. You're doing the right thing making sure the child knows how to behave acceptably in public, just ignore her.

NNalreadyinuse Sat 16-Apr-16 11:20:46

So why didn't tell her to worry about her own kids and leave you to manage the ones you are responsible for?

KatsutheClockworkOctopus Sat 16-Apr-16 11:26:45

YANBU. DH's family do this and it annoys me intensely.

SoupDragon Sat 16-Apr-16 11:28:56

She just made a suggestion. She didn't shout you down, accuse you of bad "parenting" or challenge you to a duel.

DailyFailAreABunchOfCunts Sat 16-Apr-16 11:35:47

Sounds more like an instruction than a suggestion. I would smile politely and just say something neutral like 'We're OK thanks' and then ignore her and carry on with what you are doing.

ohmywhatamisaying Sat 16-Apr-16 11:37:04

Yep, she should having minded her own business

Hagrid3112 Sat 16-Apr-16 11:49:32

Thank you! The only child she was with was the one dancing, so i couldn't really say anything about her kids. I can't understand anyone commenting on someone else's parenting skills, unless it was something like saying it's ok for the other child to play with their children's toy or something.

but why say anything at all, SnapDragon? What business was it of hers? Just because she didn't shout it at me, doesn't mean it didn't make me feel like shit. It still managed to draw the attention of everyone around us, most of whom wouldn't have heard what I had said, and it was quite embarrassing having everyone stare at me.

Hagrid3112 Sat 16-Apr-16 11:54:41

Sorry, autocorrect. SoupDragon

SilverBirchWithout Sat 16-Apr-16 12:18:54

Was she the only other person in the waiting room?

The thing is that I have said similar things to parents/child-carers trying to reassure them that their child's lively behaviour was not a problem for me.
Sometimes parents can be embarrassed and overly control a child because they are trying to protect others from being hassled. some go the other way and don't care at all how annoying they are

Hagrid3112 Sat 16-Apr-16 14:20:09

No, it was really busy in there. Two classes had just come out, my girl's lot had just gone in and one was still waiting to go in, so four classes worth of parents, dancers, and lots of siblings, too.
I'd understand more if it was just a worry that he would annoy her, which is why I explained my reasons the first time she said something, but it's mostly because he sticks everything he finds on the floor in his mouth, and once decided to try to climb into a baby's car seat, while the baby was still inside! He's hilarious, but such a liability! Ha ha!

NotReallySureNow Sat 16-Apr-16 22:14:02

YANBU what an annoying woman.


She has probably forgotten the encounter, and you can forget it too, confident that you were right and really do know what you are doing. So much so that you are paid to do it.

jclm Sat 16-Apr-16 22:30:11

What silverbirch said. Is it possible that the mum was really saying 'don't worry about unruliness, we don't mind if your toddler is loud'?

Many mums have said this kind of thing to me, as a kind of reassurance that I don't need to bust a gut trying to keep the kiddies quiet whilst in public. She maybe assumed you were the mum and were exhausted. X

Hagrid3112 Sun 17-Apr-16 04:04:36

The first comment, fair enough, just letting me know he won't bother her, but when i said it was about him crawling under the chairs and eating stuff off the floor, there was no need to tell me again, as if my concern for his safety is completely unfounded.
The day before he managed to stick a rubber stopper (to stop a door banging on the wall) in his mouth before I could get it off him, and it was the perfect size the completely block his airway. The little cherub also bit my finger when I was scooping the stopper out of his mouth! Ha ha.
If she'd accepted my reason behind it, then fair enough, but telling me again and the tone she used, just felt like her trying to tell me how to do my job, not a helpful 'he won't bother us' comment.
Thanks Decaff. It's hard to play mum, sometimes. They aren't your kids, so it's almost like you have to take extra care of them or you feel like everyone will think you are awful and blame you. Like if you scratch one of your CDs it's just a bummer, but if you scratched a CD you'd borrowed off someone, you'd feel terrible and probably try to replace it. Well, I do anyway. Obviously, wouldn't try to replace a kid, though. I do draw the line at kidnapping ;)

leelu66 Sun 17-Apr-16 15:14:42

YANBU. Does she know you are the nanny?

Hagrid3112 Sun 17-Apr-16 15:58:06

All the kids were calling me by my name, not mum, so, if she could hear what I said to the 2yo, I'm sure she could've heard that

confusedalways Sun 17-Apr-16 16:08:53

I was at the park recently with a friend and the kids were happily playing in the sandpit. One lady actually took it upon herself to suggest to my friend she should spend some time with her children perhaps. The children that we could see playing perfectly contently. People are odd sometimes!

Beeziekn33ze Sun 17-Apr-16 16:19:59

She really should mind her own business, especially as the dance school policy is 'no running around'. The 2 year old sounds quite a character, and exhausting!!

HidingUnderARock Sun 17-Apr-16 16:51:23

Perhaps she knows the family and thinks she can tell their employee how to do her job. If she is a friend of the parents you might want to be aware of that. Or as you say, she could tell you were not the parent because of your name being used. Either would be a perceived status thing.

Ofc depending how it was said it could all be meant well, but trying again after you had made a polite reply makes that less likely.

Janecc Sun 17-Apr-16 16:53:16

The parents clearly trust you to look after the children and do what's best otherwise they'd never be crazy enough to let your take 4 kids out. Hats off btw. When the children are in your care, it's your rules. End of. Silly woman she only had one child to deal with. Preventing a spirited child that age from running around and doing silly stuff like try and suffocate themselves is a tall order and it sounds like you were doing a very good job.

leelu66 Sun 17-Apr-16 16:53:58

I wonder if she would have said it had you been their mum?

Hagrid3112 Mon 18-Apr-16 19:18:11

How rude, Confused!! I didn't realise letting kids play by themselves or with other kids was a problem.

Ha! He definitely is, Beez. Love him to bits. Never a dull moment!!

Thanks, Jane. Thankfully the oldest two are, mostly, very well behaved, and the oldest is like my little side kick and helper.

That's a good point, leelu. I definitely would've said something more if they had been mine, though! Ha ha

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