To secretly give my youngest biscuits

[Mixiee]

I have three kids. A year ago I walked out of an emotionally abusive relationship. My kids spend 70 percent of the time in my care and 30 in his.

Two of my children are extremely overweight. Their BMI puts them in the obese category. The youngest is slightly underweight for his age.

When I walked out of my relationship, I lost heaps of weight and am now a healthy size. However, I regretfully continued to give my children the same diet they always had. I was always an emotional eater, due to my unhappiness and my bad attitude to healthy eating rubbed off on my kids. I take full responsibility for this (their dad should also, but doesn't).

Fast forward to the last few months. I finally finished counselling, got a new job and a new house. Feeling settled and was mentally ready to tackle their weight. I've explained what was happening to them, why it was important, and focused on the positives. I cleared the house of junk, buy fresh food and have cooked from scratch including treats so that I can insure there are no hidden sugars etc. I've upped the good fats, and they are slowly getting more active. The effects are starting to show and the kids have suprised me how accepting they've been of this big change. They feel great although there is still a long way to go.

My problem? My youngest is loosing more weight too! And he really can't afford too. Unlike the other two, he is incredibly fussy and although he has been accepting of our new healthy lifestyle with minimal fuss, he will not eat the alternatives. He is INCREDIBLY picky. I could count on my hand the foods he will eat, and only two are considered 'healthy'.

Rather than protest for what he really wants, he will just not eat. He is far less active because he's barley eating. So tonight, I bought biscuits, his them, then allowed my youngest to have a few on the hush. I felt like a failure but I can't find the balance as the kids are extremely opposite ends of the scale!

I've had to eliminate sugar completely, rather than cut down
Purely because their dad does not support this new lifestyle overhaul and continues to feed them crap when he has them.

Am I wrong for what I did tonight regarding biscuits. And if yes, please can someone offer a solution. I just can't think what to do in this situation!

[Mixiee]

Forgot to say, eldest two are 13 and 9. Youngest is 6

[DementedUnicorn]

Ooh that's a tough one. Could you try bulking out his food? Butter in his veg or potatoes or adding cheese into his pasta etc instead?

Well done for all the positive changes so far

[Mixiee]

Thank you. He hates cheese and I have added things like butter to mash. He's so limited!

[Scrowy]

How much does your youngest weigh and what is his height? There may not be a reason to get overly concerned just yet. TBH as much as it isn't ideal as long as you are getting at least one meal a day into him he isn't going to starve to death. Does he eat better at school than he does at home perhaps?

imO repetitive but healthy food for him is better than biscuits (although totally not judging I understand how you have got to this point). I think by making it secret you are setting him up for potentially developing food issues around biscuits/ sweet things.

[jalopyjane]

Weight and height are key here - is he actually underweight or is he just slimmer than the others?

I would worry you're teaching unhealthy eating habits - hiding food an then eating several biscuits in one go isn't great.

Is there a savoury snack he could have instead like toast or crackers and cheese?

Well done though on making positive changes to your family's diet

[jalopyjane]

Oh sorry just seen he hates cheese!

[MattDillonsPants]

I really don't think it's good OP because you're making your youngest collude with you with regards to food...which may again, foster an unhealthy approach.

See the doctor about his weight. Get a proper diet plan from the GP. What will he eat? There are a lot of sneaky ways to insert more good fats into a child's diet without biscuits.

[MattDillonsPants]

What about a nice milkshake? Add full fat yogurt or even a bit of cream to the smallest's but keep the older kids on healthy versions. Make it in advance when they're not there...and give for dessert.

[SerenDePity]

You can get hospital formula protein shake powders which give a really high calorific and vitamin boost to the diet of fussy eaters. Several brands are available and a pharmacist will be best to advise you on them. You can make all the kids a shake but give the two who tend to be a bit hefty ones based on skimmed milk with fresh fruit and yoghurt and the skinny Minnie one with the protein powder added. They're really delicious. Like a thick milkshake.

[bittapitta]

With the greatest respect, are you sure your youngest's weight is actually of concern? Your perspective will have been skewed by you and the older kids being overweight for so long. It's okay for the youngest to be under average. Slim, tall, whatever. I'd seek advice from GP. No more sneaking biscuits.

[SharingMichelle]

I think Bitta is right - we've all got a skewed idea of what a 'normal' child looks like. When we were kids loads of us were skinny - knees and elbows like knots in cotton. You don't see that so much these days.

Having said that, if you are right and your youngest is genuinely underweight, biscuits are not the best way to increase his calorie intake. Lots of better suggestions in this thread.

[TippyTappyLappyToppy]

I don't think you can do this quite honestly. There is another thread running at the moment where a mother is allowing her thin child to eat food that is banned for her fat child and it's causing him to steal and eat in secret.

I doubt your youngest is going to wither away and die due to lack of Custard Creams. Give him bananas, pasta and potatoes. But watch the pasta with the other two. Not too often. Nothing will make you pile on weight like pasta.

[Mistigri]

Yes, I was going to ask if the youngest is really underweight.

However, a normal size 6 year old should not be losing weight. You simply can't feed a "healthy diet" to a naturally very fussy child - you have to compromise. Some children do not respond at all to the "they will eat when they are hungry" approach and you may need to include more of the foods he will eat into family meals. His range of foods will (probably) gradually increase but it will take time.

It also concerns me that you are putting your older children "on a diet" without some sort of medical supervision. Especially the oldest - 13 is prime age for the development of eating disorders if food intake is very restricted and especially where a parent is controlling the child's diet. Children who haven't yet started their adolescent growth spurt have some potential to "grow into" their weight so depending on how big they are, a more gradual approach may be better.

[Ditsy4]

Almond milk, banana and maple syrup smoothie. Dried fruit to pick at.

I agree with those that say you are starting bad habits of possible eating disorder of hiding food.
Try giving lots of healthy snack type foods to try. Kids will often try new things if they can just try a tiny bit and know it is ok to discard it. You should try more than once. Get him to help make the food as they will often eat what they have made. Encourage him to have fruit. Well done on getting your weight and the children's weight down.

[curren]

Firstly I would make sure the hold is actually under weight.

I am not judging you and don't feel like a failure. But encouraging the youngest to eat in secret isn't a good idea for that or the others. My Dd needed to loose a bit of weight. She piled it on when she went to secondary. She was unhappy so we never dieted. We ate healthy and it fell off, the main change was packed lunch. Not canteen food.

She takes part in a competitive sport. So we framed it as eating and being healthy to support her performance at sport.

Things like milkshakes are a good idea as you can make them for all the kids but make them different.

I would also speak to your GP for guidance. The kids don't have to be there, if you feel you are struggling.

[Scarydinosaurs]

Milkshakes?

Does he like sprinkles? Some of the omega rich seed sprinkles you can get for soups/porridge are actually quite high calorie?

What are his likes/dislikes? I bet we can think of ways to up his calorie intake. Biscuits aren't the devil, but I think you need more weaponry in your arsenal to tackle this one.

[WellErrr]

Better to be underweight than overweight.

What is your 6 year old's height and weight? As id bet they're not actually underweight, just slimmer than you're used to.

[Lighteningirll]

Nothing makes you put on weight like pasta utter shite biscuits sweets cakes alcohol sugar and too much fat makes you put on weight we wouldn't still have Italy if that ridiculous statement was true.

[havalina1]

Posting only to say well done op on the massive changes - well done

[WhatamessIgotinto]

Great that you've made these changes, for all of you. What kind of food does your youngest enjoy?

[LucyMouse]

When I was younger my brother was underweight so he was given full fat milk, protein shakes etc to drink every day. I was not in the least jealous of this despite watching my parents like a hawk to ensure we were always treated the same in every other respect Just tell the older ones.

[BertrandRussell]

"Nothing will make you pile on weight like pasta."

Really? What magic fattening ingredient does pasta have in it, then?

[BlossomMagic]

Calories perhaps?

[PrincessHairyMclary]

I think you need to work out whether he is actually underweight and also the source of the fussiness. Get him checked out by the GP and a referral to a nutritionist/dietitian if appropriate. For children food is one of their only ways to exert control over their lives and Seeing an emotionally abusive relationship might have affected him and the stress at home so this is the way he deals with it.

Get him involved with cooking, chopping strawberries or bananas etc he's more likely to eat whilst his doing it. Make food a positive part of all their lives opposed to something that just appears in front of them. It will give them positive experiences with you and is a great time to chat whilst working alongside each other.